Inappropriate behaviours in the work place

[christina120595]

Hi Mumsnet,

I'm after some advice. I was previously in a relationship with a work colleague which lasted for a year. It ended because he was becoming a bit over bearing, expecting me to spend all my free time with him and continuously calling/texting if I hadn't responded within a certain time. (I have two children who I spend every waking moment with)

Anyway, we broke up 3 months ago and he has been following me everywhere in work to the point other people had noticed and raised concerns. Today, he'd asked my colleague where I was, what I'd had for lunch, what time I'd been to lunch etc. sometimes he will ask me for his help, which I agree to as it is my job and he is in higher power than me so I'm obligated to do so. However, the 'help' he is asking me for is taking me to small dark rooms to declare his love for me and refusing allowing me to leave.

Today it's came to a head as my colleague has cottoned on to the inappropriate behaviours I've been tolerating and has taken it to the higher ups! They want to speak with me Monday but im so worried this could get him sacked for misconduct. I am such a people pleaser and always try to see the good in everybody so would hate myself if it came to this. Can anybody tell me what the procedure is for this type of behaviour? And if they will tell him that it was me who confirmed what everybody else was thinking?

I must add since the break up I've had him blocked on absolutely everything and have given him 0 false hope of a reconciliation. He has written me over 20 letters ref his feelings and honestly I feel uncomfortable going to work. I've been looking for a new job but was hoping this could be dealt with nicely.

Thank you.

I’d imagine he’s losing his job. His behaviour is horrendous enough, but being in a higher position also won’t help his case.

Try and remember whatever they do or suggest, it will (hopefully) be to protect you.

The man has been stalking you luckily your colleagues have got your back. What happens to him is irrelevant.

let him reap the consequences for his behaviour.

You are being too nice. He is in stalker territory. This is escalating. Please be careful OP, he sounds dangerous.

Tell the truth. Be grateful for your colleague.

He will deny it so I would bring any and all evidence with you, including the letters. Because now it has come to this, if they investigate and he doesn't get let go, your life will be a living hell.

His behaviour towards you is disgraceful, and to be honest, he thoroughly deserves to get the sack for this. He is a sexual predator, and he is using his senior position to stop you, as his junior, from making a fuss. It must have been pretty blatant for your colleague to have had enough and finally reported him, and you really do need to tell your employer what he has been doing. It is their duty to prevent staff from being harassed in the workplace.

I strongly suspect that this is not the first time he has done this sort of thing.

It is not your fault and there is absolutely no reason for you to hate yourself at all. He is taking advantage of your people-pleasing nature, don't you see that?

This is quite disturbing behaviour from him. Please take care

However, the 'help' he is asking me for is taking me to small dark rooms to declare his love for me and refusing allowing me to leave.

If this is true, he deserves to lose his job.

Thanks for all your responses. I also feel at fault because I allowed for a relationship to start In the first place but I feel like all my lifetime trauma has stopped me from seeing what is blatantly obvious to others.

I just can't bare the thought of any back lash that may come with this!

Tell them the truth, this is on him. He's been harassing you and deserves to face the consequences

What a sad sack.

20 letters?

OP as your superior he applied pressure to you to be in a relationship with him, and when you made it clear you no longer wanted anything to do with him he will not leave you alone.

Workplaces that allow relationships make sure that people in that relationship cannot work together including one being the manager of the other. This is to help prevent your ex doing what he's doing.

And in future, never date a co worker, for this exact reason.

You are already suffering a backlash, aren't you? He is continuing his sexual harassment of you despite your protestations and asking him to stop.

You are not at fault here. Lots of people start relationships for all sorts of reasons and then subsequently decide that the relationship is not for them, and end it. You have ended it. He is refusing to accept that you don't want to see him any more and is pestering you in the workplace.

Please tell your employer.