I got made redundant at the end of my maternity leave and am currently job hunting. It is BRUTAL at the moment. Fierce competition for every role. Hardly any roles coming up. My redundancy pay is fast running out. I'm also a single mum following my DS father having a mental health crisis when my son was 3 days old. ExDP is doing better. He can now play with our DS, but so far does not take care of any needs (nappy, feeding, bedtime). It's largely a confidence issue at this point I think but his mental health is still fragile so I don't push it. He stays with us every 2 weekends in 3 and when he is on leave. He's in the military.
I have a second interview next week. It's a junior position, paying a lot less than I was on but frankly I'm not coping with unemployment and its enough to pay the bills. It might take me a little while to get back to where I was but that is a different and easier problem than the one I currently have. I am a strong candidate, but they've mentioned they would want me to do 8 overseas trips a year. They are based in Germany and I think it is particularly important for them that I build relationships with colleagues in the office. I've said this is more than I'd like to do, but they say they would reduce it over time once they know me better. I think if I get the role I'll have to suck it up and find the best way to manage this for my son. When not travelling, I'll be wfh.
My DS is 14 months old atm and is at the childminder during the day. He is very happy there. If I get the job, how should I manage this level of travel to minimise the impact on him? My own mum is not good with my DS. She has very bad arthritis so can't keep up with him physically. She also has deep rooted depression and tends to be pretty checked out most of time, so I don't think she'd keep a proper eye on him. ExMIL is very good with DS and is the only person I have who can look after him for long periods, but she is almost 400 miles away and we see her every 2-3 months. DS likes her but usually needs some time to get to know her again. She has taken him out for the day without me a couple of times and she has put him to bed successfully. She has already said she will help when I travel, but neither of us expected me to do this much travel. ExDP has said he will help when he can but I don't feel ready to leave DS with him for a long time. They play nicely, but if DS cries for a long period (e.g. tummy ache at night) he only seems to be able to cope with about 20 minutes and then he gets cross with him (e.g. saying 'just shut up man'). I don't know that ExDP would hurt DS but frankly I don't want to find out. I don't think he can really care for him until DS is older and can talk/explain if something hurts as from the beginning ExDP has struggled with crying, especially if its not clear what is wrong. ExDP looking after him with ExMIL would be fine.
The other option I guess is to take my son with me on trips. A friend suggested I get a nanny or au pair to travel with us, and look after him for me in the day. Has anyone done this? How would I find one? What would this cost? Do I get hotel rooms or air B&B? What works best?
Most importantly, what would be best for my son? To be kept in his home and routine with family looking after him (albeit family he likes but does not see every day/regularly) or to take him with me so he's out of routine but with his mummy?
I realise this is a judgement call to an extent, but I'd be interested to know what others have found best for their circumstances, and if they've taken their child with them, how they did this and costs?