Panicking and rudderless with no confidence

[70sShmeventies]

I left a short career of 7 years in HR. Ended up hating it. I have been a gardener for 3 months and enjoy it but am now panicking about how unstable and poorly paid it is.

Im 36, I’ve never had much idea of what I wanted to do and after kids, (aged 6 and 3), I seem to struggle in an office environment and don’t enjoy it.

I like being active, outside and doing practical things but also love learning and tend to do well academically. I want a job with purpose but also get quite anxious (am having an episode now) and am scared I’ll screw up anything worthwhile.

I have lost confidence and now feel like I can’t do anything. Please help.

I went back to an office job and stuffed it up too

If you like learning and the gardening work you’re doing could you do a formal evening course to fulfil that side of you, something that may lead to more money in gardening, like landscaping? Another option might be to work for a landscaping company as an apprentice that may offer more stable income whilst getting the opportunity to learn from others in the business?

This is a bit random op but with your HR experience behind you, could you do a teaching certificate and some sort of horticultural qualification and then combine the two to work in a learning establishment for children or adults with special needs, where gardening is a large part of the curriculum? In a city farm? Or in a National Trust or Woodland Trust or a Field Studies centre or National Park or garden where there is lots of public interaction and teaching going on?

Edited to say you could volunteer pt while studying?