Off feedback from manager - aibu?

[Allwelcone]

My job is to trouble shoot under performing charities in a certain sector. It's tough at times.

I went on a visit 2 weeks ago accompanied by a volunteer, which went horribly wrong due to volunteer behaviour, resulting in a written complaint about the charity i work for, me and him.

Basically he made inappropriate jokes about smoking cannabis and calling women 'birds' to 2 of our paying (female) members. it was like accompanying a bad comedian round, complete with tumble weed.
Yesterday I came back from a not-relaxing holiday, had just sat down when CEO comes by and says hi. I tell him v briefly about holiday woes (we had a serious car accident abroad) and he brings up the visit.

Says I should have been responsible for volunteer and that while they may need to review vol training etc I need to go and speak to another staff member about the vol project. I had already done this pre-visit and she knew nothing, the idea of using volunteers is 100% his, however i didnt want to land her in it so sd nothing.

I felt quite unsupported as it had not been made adequately clear to me I was meant to lead the visit.
Later that day I had another awful call with a very rude member and got upset. My colleagues were great, but I decided to take today off.

Told CEO who acted hurt I was missing the staff bbq. I now feel like I'm sulking and nit a team player.
Who was BU? Any comments or insights welcome. Does he sound like a shit boss or am I just knackered?
What shd I do to protect myself gping forward?

If it was just an employee (you, in this case) and a volunteer on the visit, who would normally lead the visit?
Is the volunteer a specialist and the employee assists them?

Regardless of whoever was supposed to be 'leading' the visit, if someone representing your workplace started calling female clients birds and joking about cannabis why on earth didn't you tell them that was inappropriate at the time so he packed it in?! You're (both) supposed to be representing your work!

Sorry, members not clients!

It does seem like from what you’ve written that you could hve done more in that situation, same with having today off, so close to the conversation with your manager, and missing the staff BBQ, it might look a bit like you’re sulking.

Was he wrong though?

I do similar work to you. Whilst I wouldn't blame you for what happened as a manager I'd want to know:

What did you do during the visit to damage control the actions of the volunteer? Did you correct the behaviour onsite, let them know it was inappropriate, ask them to leave if it was really that bad? Did you report what happened to your line manager?

What would you do to prevent the situation from arising again? What processes could the org put in place?

What action is going to be taken as a result? What are your next steps?

If you're feeling upset that's okay, it sounds like a tricky situation but missing the staff BBQ seems like a bit of a knee jerk reaction. You need to take some ownership of what happened and take a lead in remedying the situation.

Thanks for all your replies i have not had a chance to rwad them till now.
I@VivX It was so vague - I tried to gain clarity before the visit and was met woth shoulder shrugs. So that's my issue essentially, a management one I guess.

The only thing you can do is try and get as much clarification as possible before such visits- although that sounds like a struggle in your place.
If such a situation occurs again, I would gently but firmly challenge such comments, as long as there is no risk to yourself, of course. Also, follow up with an apology email, making clear those are not the views of either your employer or yourself.

But the real issue is that management should be a whole lot clearer with clear expectations, noundaries and conduct in advance - and the volunteer should be spoken to about his behaviour/speech.

(I would have gone to the bbq but that's by-the-by now)

Hope future visits are smoother!

Surely you, as the paid staff member, would be responsible for the volunteer and would lead the visit/meeting (or am I missing something like the volunteer being an expert in something specific?) so I feel you are BU for saying it was not clear that this was the case.

As PP have said, if the volunteer acted inappropriately then you should have challenged their behaviour at the time and reported it yourself (if only to cover your own arse) after the meeting.

It sounds like you are having a shit time and there are probably issues on both sides of this but it does look a bit like you are “sulking” if you have chosen to take today off & miss the staff bbq.

I find it a bit astonishing you just stood alongside this volunteer in silence while he said dreadfully inappropriate things to several people.
Of course it's you and your organisation that are going to look bad if he behaves oddly.
As soon as there was the first inclination he was speaking inappropriately you should have pulled him aside and told him straight. You do not use sexist language or joke about drug abuse!
Of course he should be disciplined but I think it's true you should have controlled him and minimised the damage at the time.

The trouble with this kind of 'character' (and god knows, we've all worked with one) is if you pull him up in front of other people it could make his behaviour worse and thus the whole situation even more embarrassing and awful for everyone. And intervening allows him to spin it as OP's fault.

I agree that with hindsight OP should have intervened but can also well see how in the moment that would have felt like that could just make things worse.

The status of the volunteer is definitely a factor in this. Was he meant to be there as an expert, and thus leading the visit, or as an observer? It sounds as if OP tried to find out beforehand but the only person available to ask didn't know, as the CEO is the one who imposed this volunteer?

What action is being taken against the volunteer? At the moment this comes across as you being scapegoated for the whole situation @Allwelcone , to deflect blame from this man.

Thanks all, I was partly sulking but luckily one of my dc changed their milestone birthday arrangements from evening to daytime so I can use that as a figleaf as to why I missed it as it did disturb the rest of the team! So when I'm in tomorrow I will use that.

I get confusing messages as to what is and is not acceptable there, generally it is very sexist and old school .

When you say you get confusing messages as to what is and isn't acceptable there - that makes it sound like you have no personal sense of what is right or wrong, and no sense of what is /is not acceptable in any kind of professional environment.

Joking about smoking drugs is never acceptable in any kind of professional environment. Neither is calling women "birds". The possibly lax standards in your workplace doesn't change the fact that this is unacceptable behaviour /language and I agree that as a paid staff member you should have reined in or had serious words with the volunteer who was accompanying you.