Giving notice - feeling so guilty!

[Bluemoon25]

I feel so awful.
I have been at my current job for 6 years and I do love it. There are only 3 of us in the office, I have a great relationship with my manager and my colleague and we work well together and I do like my job. When I took it 6 years ago, it fitted in perfectly around my young kids, their schooling and my boss has been amazing and very flexible with me because of that. I have a second job as well and my lovely boss factors that in. I have a set amount of hours a week there but I often work way more than the hours I am paid for.

I have done volunteer work on top of this in a sector I also really love. I didn’t think I was qualified enough to work in this sector though and jobs don’t come up that often either. (They are like gold dust). However, in this sector, recruitment opened up and I was asked to apply for 3 jobs in that area (all pretty much the same but in different parts of the county) by some of the people I had been volunteering with. I did apply (thinking I would not get anywhere and it would be a good experience). I was offered interviews for all 3. I got offered 2 short interviews and passed onto the next stage for both of them and for the 3rd, I bi-passed the short interview and have a final interview next week.

I have just done my first interview (over 100 people applied, 15 of us went through to interview yesterday) and I just got a call this morning to say they were so impressed with me and think I am more than qualified and they offered me the job on the spot. They even offered me more money than was advertised/than I asked for (it was a pay scale that was mentioned and I went bottom to middle and they have offered the job to me almost right at the top end of the pay scale) because they want me to ‘know my worth’, they want me to join the team and they want me to understand I am more than qualified.

I have my second interview for the same job but in a different part of the sector and the 3rd interview is next week for a slightly different job (this is the one that I have gone straight to the final interview). The person hiring for this job has also called me last week to say that if I get the job, they are more than happy to also offer me more money than they have advertised.

I am so happy and shocked that I was offered the job yesterday and that people are keen to get me on board. The money is beyond amazing and more than double I earn currently for just a few extra hours a week than I officially do. They are also willing to work around my 2nd job as it does go hand in hand with one of these new roles and I can also partially work from home/go into the office once I settle in. They also know I have 2 other interviews and are willing to wait for the outcomes of those so I can pick what I want (their words not mine).

I do want to take the job (whichever one suits best), but I cannot help feel a terrible guilt and dread of handing my notice in to my lovely boss. It has been difficult this year for me. I have had to deal with a close bereavement which I only took 3 days off and I had to have an op recently and am just about to come back off of sick leave. (In 6 years, I have only had 2 days off sick and then this time for my op which I worked up til the day beforehand) and they have been so supportive of me, particularly my boss. She is now going through some personal issues at home so if I hand in my notice next week, it will be during the worst week of her life and it will blindside her. I am not unhappy at my job, it’s just an amazing opportunity that has landed in my lap and I cannot say no.

I cannot sleep because I feel so guilty and am dreading having to talk to her. But I need to give a months notice and they want me to start on 1st October so I will have to get something in next week and potentially use a weeks holiday (I haven’t taken any holiday yet this year).

My family know how good my
boss has been but keep reminding me that I need to do the best for me and that even if my management is amazing, I would be replaced asap. Albeit, a family member is already preparing to apply for my role if I do hand in my notice and, I do think she probably would get it as they know her well, she has helped out on occasion and is more than qualified. I have 2 young children and having the extra money would be a huge bonus for us as well.

Sorry for the rant but I suppose this is my question - Is it normal to feel this level of guilt?

Yes, many very conscientious people feel huge guilt when leaving a job. From what you’ve written, you’ve been shown a real concern for your well-being and they obviously think a lot of you.

Your family is right to remind you that, when it comes to staff being laid off, it’s business need that matters and often loyalty isn’t taken into account.

You have a wonderful opportunity ahead for you so you’ll gradually get used to the idea of resigning. While you’ve been appreciated, it’s clear you’ve been an excellent employee so you’ve already given so much. Not only that but you’re ready to supply your replacement- nothing at all to feel guilty about.

Well done OP, you're awesome 👍🏼 You have to do what's best for you. All the best with whatever role you choose!

Thank you for that! I’m not great with change (and it has been a difficult year so far full of change) anyway so it was always going to be difficult. I just don’t want my boss to think I’m leaving because of anything she has done. She is an amazing woman, it is a great job with flexible working hours and I have been incredibly lucky to have it.

I just need to get past this terrible guilt about it all!

I really appreciate your kind words though!!

Thank you! My husband and family wanted to celebrate today but I felt so guilty I have said to hold off atm!
Thank you for your kind words though, they really do help!!

The average amount of time to stay in a job is 3-4 years. You have given a long stint! You have nothing to feel guilty for, it's a natural and normal part of life. Remember to thank your lovely boss, do everything you can to help them transition smoothly, and I'm sure your boss will be really happy for you too.

Oh, OP, you’re so lovely and kind. Your boss might very well be happy for you!
you deserve this.
your boss, if she’s a businesswoman, will understand that this is how it works, and it’s not personal - people need to fend for themselves and find a good situation.

I hope you do celebrate, OP, and I hope you experience that these people who support you genuinely do, and will be happy to see you rising.

They'll be fine without you. Guilt isn't necessary here, because it's a job and it is normal for employees to get other jobs. If the organisation needed to make cuts they would cut your post.

Be conscientious during your leave period and then move on.

Please celebrate and dump the guilt

Your current boss is lovely and will quite understand why you are leaving

Also, she's an adult, paid to do a job. She doesn't need mothering (said kindly 🥰)

Is that true? I grew up being told a jobs for life. I felt tremendous guilt any time I moved jobs. (Been in my current role 3.5 years)

I can relate - I'm about to do the same after being at the company, in the same team with the same boss for 9 years. But a good boss will understand and be thrilled for you! Whenever I've had team members leave, I've always been a bit gutted but equally excited for them to move on to bigger and better things especially if it's something they are passionate about!

Tell her. Thank her, explain you've liked it so much over the years and .... but say this opportunity was your dream and too good to turn down.

No guilt. Wasted emotion.

Congratulations!

If your boss is as great as you say, she'll genuinely be happy for you. I always am when good people move on to other things. As a manager part of your job is to encourage development so that the team outgrow the roles and move on. It's completely expected!

If your manager is that good she will totally understand and be pleased for you. I've had staff leave and I've been sad of course on a personal level and concerned on a professional level but I've never begrudged them it - I've always been pleased for them and for the fact I've mentored them through to better things.

Well done.

No need to feel guilty, a good manager will know that people move on and be pleased for them!

I’m just about to leave my management position and have always been supportive of team members moving on. It’s life and although I might be secretly a bit sad, I would never show that and wouldn’t want anyone feeling guilty.

Having said that I felt bad telling my boss I was leaving but she went from our meeting where I told her I was leaving straight to someone else to try and persuade them to take my job so the guilt lessened when I found that out🤣🤣

I'd say less, usually closer to 2 years, but probably depends on the industry too

You sound wonderful, OP ❤️ it sounds like you care about your job and colleagues a great deal and there will be a real sense of loss for you and them when you move on. I see it as a positive thing that you're moving on from a job you're so fond of totally on your terms, and not out of desperation as is so often the case. All the very best of luck!

A bit of an update. My manager turned up at my door yesterday with flowers, choccy and a card that said they hope I recover soon from my surgery and they miss me at work and can’t wait for me to be back! I felt awful (I couldn’t tell her on the door though and she rushed off as she wasn’t feeling well herself)

I did however attend my second interview today. I was last to be interviewed and then had to do some tasks but it must have all gone well as they held me back at the end and offered me the position on the spot (also agreed I was more than qualified to do the role!!) so I have two jobs to choose from (both are aware of each other) one is an easier commute but the other is much more flexible and will allow me to work at home part of the time around my kids and current job.

I am still feeling guilt but I am preparing to make my decision which job I go for and will hand my notice in to my lovely boss on Monday or Tuesday!

Thanks everyone for the support and help, I really appreciate it! I will update how the handing of the notice goes since I have done it!

Well done on the job offers! Amazing news.

NC for this as I'm in a similar position, came on this board to post a similar thread - been in the job for over 6 years, amazing boss who has really been there for me BUT the wider job is pretty bad. I've got an opportunity to move but feel so guilty, like I'm betraying her.

For those saying your lovely boss will understand - I really hope so, but don't be swayed if she doesn't. The last time I left a job (7 years ago), the (really nice) boss actually did try to guilt trip me into staying, talked about company loyalty and what they had invested in me etc. I felt awful as he had been genuinely supportive and almost withdrew my notice. Thankfully I didn't let it stop me as he left himself just a couple of months later... I guess his expectations of loyalty only worked in one direction 😉

Put yourself and your family first. Let us know how it goes.

If I am honest, I've never seen a job be offered on the spot that didn't turn out to be a toxic company to work for... it is usually a sign of either underpaid/overworked/desperate to get someone in asap! So if you have two offers, go for the other one.

It’s done. I have handed in my notice.

It was horrible and she took it quite badly. There were a lot of tears from us both and there was a small amount of anger at one point from her. She also ended up being poorly whilst I spoke to her which made me feel awful. She tried to get me to change my mind which I wouldn’t and has since text me this afternoon to try to change my mind again.
I told her it wasn’t her or the job, it’s just that it was an amazing opportunity for me with a lot more money. By the time we finished chatting, she had stopped crying and we were having a bit of a joke around but she is devastated.

I have however declined one of the jobs and accepted the one I want and they were over the moon when I called. I was starting to feel really excited and less guilty now I had done it and accepted the new job until I had that text through though and am back to a little to feeling guilty.

At least it is done now and I start my new job in a few weeks time!

Gosh that sounds really hard going. By poorly, do you mean she was actually sick?! Was she unwell generally?

Honestly that aside, it sounds quite unprofessional and unfair of her to act like that.

Anyway well done on doing the hard part and you can look forward to your new role!

Wow! Completely inappropriate and unprofessional of your boss to behave like that!

It’s tough as a boss when people move on but it’s life and you have to put your own feelings aside and focus on them!

The time for your boss to be upset was after you had left the room and she had wished you luck!

She got so stressed that she had a poorly tummy and had to run to the loo (it does happen to her on occasion but only when she is really stressed!)

I did speak to a family member afterwards to update her when I got home how it went and she said she also thought it was unprofessional (more the text than anything else)

I will say that the boss is going through an awful time atm and is facing a pretty awful situation at home this week so it absolutely was the worst time I could have handed my notice in so I think this may have been the straw that broke the camels back to be honest. I was hoping for a bit more support alongside the sadness but she was absolutely shell shocked.

I have since spoken to another member of staff to let them know and she supportive and encouraging me saying she would miss me but she understood why I needed to take this opportunity. Tbh, I think it has just confirmed that I have done the right thing. I am yet to text my boss back as am not sure what else I can say but as mentioned above, the hardest bit is done now! And, it’s another lesson learnt, don’t get too friendly with management! I have never had this level of stress when handing in a notice so it’s an eye opener!

I am just hoping that the next month will go smoothly and hopefully, once the stuff going on at home has settled this week ans the news has sunk in, we can work together well for these last few weeks with no stress. But even if that’s not the case, I’ll just push forward with it until I start my new job!