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Hand hold about meeting tomorrow please

71 replies

freakinthespreadsheets · 26/08/2024 21:38

On Friday morning my manager's manager (head of department) put a meeting in for first thing tomorrow morning with me, her and my immediate manager, labelled only as "Catchup". No other context, this sort of random catchup NEVER happens in the team "just because" (not with that specific line of people anyway, it would either be a general whole-team wellbeing catchup with all 6 of us or just me and line manager). the fact it is first thing in the morning after a BH weekend makes it seem urgent - after I've been on AL all week, has had me worrying ALL weekend that something terrible is going to happen. Ive convinced myself im being sacked, seconded somewhere else, someone has died and everything in between! That'll teach me to check my emails when I'm off!!!
Please can someone handhold as I'm too nervous to sleep now and am physically shaking with worry 😫

NB. I was on AL last week but tend to check emails periodically, and just mark irrelevant stuff as "read" or accept meeting invites, if I'm not actually on holiday to stop things piling up. Please dont have a go at me for this i know its not ideal! I suspect I have ADHD and it makes me feel a lot less anxious and overwhelmed about going back after AL so it's my choice to do this and actually helps me with "switching off" the rest of the time. A few others in the team do the same. Just this time it's really backfired!

OP posts:
Sheelanogig · 26/08/2024 22:15

They might want to sound you out about a new project?

Maybe it links to something you've done previously?
Maybe they are wondering if you'd like to be involved etc...

Cantgetausername87 · 26/08/2024 22:15

Anything really bad would be accompanied by a formal invitation and would not be titled "catch up" so please do try not to worry.
My money is on either:

  • you've missed an important business update and they're catching you up
  • you've been earmarked for a promotion or a new opportunity.

Hope it all goes OK do let us know and try to get some sleep x

freakinthespreadsheets · 26/08/2024 22:15

housemovepickle · 26/08/2024 22:13

Op maybe nothing- a decent work place you would have clues if it was negative performance however a toxic one doesn't tend to care about you worrying.

What's your workplace like ?

Thank you - workplace and relationship with management is generally excellent and v supportive. So hoping I haven't let them down in any way and it's not a (probably very gentle and concerned, knowing them) bollocking for something I've done wrong.

OP posts:
EddieVeddersfoxymop · 26/08/2024 22:17

I'd be hyperventilating with panic too, OP. I'm such a people pleaser and hate the thought of potentially having done something wrong/failed/being moved/etc etc. I hope all is OK and it's just a catch up as suggested.

Newpillow · 26/08/2024 22:18

I really wish that if these sort of meetings are scheduled, they add a bit more information, even if they title it 'Catchup/ nothing to worry about'

freakinthespreadsheets · 26/08/2024 22:20

Newpillow · 26/08/2024 22:18

I really wish that if these sort of meetings are scheduled, they add a bit more information, even if they title it 'Catchup/ nothing to worry about'

Not a manager, have been in the past but only retail where there weren't meetings like this - if you did something wrong you were pulled off the floor there and then!
However I have always said if I became a manager I'd do this - and when I need to speak to someone personally I'll always text them something like "hey, are you free for me to ring you later to talk through something? Nothing to worry about but easier to explain over the phone". Someone saying "are you free to talk" makes me need a change of underpants shudder

OP posts:
Starlightstarbright3 · 26/08/2024 22:22

If you have adhd - drown out the thoughts with podcasts / music .

I have my fingers crossed for a positive update .

GoldenSunflowers · 26/08/2024 22:26

It won’t be anything bad. Most people don’t read their work emails when they’re on A/L, so treat it as a normal sort of meeting - a catch-up! - for which you don’t need any preparation.

Jackiebrambles · 26/08/2024 22:27

I bet it’s just something happened last week when you were off, someone resigned or something. You sound like me @freakinthespreadsheets i have been known to do exactly what you do on holiday to try to keep on top of stuff but I always end up so stressed! I have to sit on my hands to stop myself sometimes!

TeenLifeMum · 26/08/2024 22:28

I’ve inherited a team who have gone through multiple restructuring including reapplying for jobs and unnecessary bollockings from a toxic manager. I’ve learned very quickly that my “quick catch up” requests made them nervous. Genuinely never occurred to me as I’ve not worked in a toxic environment before. As soon as I found out I apologised and now always say “quick catch up so we can talk through x project or so I can update you on y”.

I imagine they’re wanting to tell you something before you hear gossip and it’s not directly about you. Totally understand why you’re stressing though.

ForgotThePlantsAgain · 26/08/2024 22:30

I cant find it unfortunately but I read an article on LinkedIn about how it's really poor management to put these kind of meetings in with no context, especially last minute.

As others have said if it's a disciplinary or anything like that you would have been given a heads up, but if you feel comfortable enough I would absolutely feed back the worry you've had due to the uncertainty caused by them.

Good luck!

Tippexy · 26/08/2024 22:31

This is an example of terrible management skills

freakinthespreadsheets · 26/08/2024 22:32

Tippexy · 26/08/2024 22:31

This is an example of terrible management skills

To be fair, my managers are generally excellent, and I genuinely have never worked for nicer people, ti's my own fault really for logging in to emails when I shouldn't! If I had waited till I got back I'd have only had half a working hour to worry about what it might be.

OP posts:
Willyoushutthefrontdoor · 26/08/2024 22:38

I am in charge of only.2. We have an open chat on teams all day and we are friends, eg we went to a festival last Saturday. We have a meeting with our manager every 2 weeks. We are very informal. When he says are you free? I immediately start panicking. Our work is up to date...who have I offended? 🤣 Last time 2 weeks ago it was to tell me some other teams were running low on work and was there anything I could pass their way. All very undramatic but I know how you feel! Hope all goes OK tomorrow. Let us know

Quitelikeit · 26/08/2024 22:42

I’m sure it’ll be a promotion!

Miloandfreddy · 26/08/2024 22:48

I'd be panicking too OP but try not to worry! Could be any number of things, maybe it actually is just a catch up?? Let us know how you get on!!

WeightLossGoal2024 · 26/08/2024 22:53

I think it will be good news such as a promotion or development opportunity

ridingfreely · 26/08/2024 22:57

Good luck, I'm sure it will all be ok

Codlingmoths · 27/08/2024 00:05

Tippexy · 26/08/2024 22:31

This is an example of terrible management skills

Telling someone in your team you need to catch up with them is not terrible management skills. If you’ve been doing a good job and are well regarded you shouldn’t think as catastrophically as the op is, hopefully it becomes a good memory for her to rely on next time she wants to panic.

SpeakfromExperience · 27/08/2024 00:51

In the midst of folk saying you're catastrophising, I'm actually going to tell you you're absolutely not.

Do not attend this meeting. It needs to be rescheduled. As someone mentioned upthread, you should have been given appropriate notice - and scheduling this whilst you're on annual leave is NOT appropriate notice. 2 days isn't even appropriate notice - you would need to be given ample time to be accompanied, and this is unlikely to be possible (certainly with a union rep) in 48 hours. Preparing for a meeting that has been scheduled for the day you return to work from annual leave, without prior notice, would mean you'd need to be 'working' whilst on annual leave. Whether you are known to do this (checking mails etc) during leave or not, it's inappropriate to expect you to do so on any occasion, and more so, to prepare for this meeting whilst you're on leave. So it's either been done with the intention you are completely unprepared and are unable to be, or be accompanied, or, I guess, it could be good news.

You need to be accompanied by either a union representative, or a trusted colleague who can take notes from the meeting with you.

I sincerely hope it's actually good news. And it could well be, so do not panic. Unfortunately though, I speak from the experience of someone who was scheduled and tricked into a meeting with a manager and director of the company whilst signed off sick in the middle of a mental breakdown. Taking a screenshot of the teams meeting titled (and indicative) of a meeting about something completely different to what it actually was, as well as making notes of everything said in the meeting, certainly helped my case, is all I can say.

They should have given you some indication of the nature of this meeting. 'Catch up' is NOT it, when this is not the usual thing for you in your workplace.

You are well within your rights to question it. Do so.

Only you will have the intuition based on how it's been going in the workplace as to whether this meeting is likely to be positive or negative, and I'd base your behaviour on that. If you believe it's likely to be positive - great! But do prepare yourself with the opportunity to take notes, take screenshots of the scheduled meeting now, and be prepared. An interesting note was that in my case, the employer changed the title of the meeting on teams post-meeting taking place, to something more akin to what actually happened during it, thinking they were being clever and it would show I had chosen to attend the meeting unaccompanied (as they later tried to claim). They didn't know I had already taken the screenshot, which blew that out of the water, of course.

sadmillenial · 27/08/2024 03:28

Too late to be useful for this meeting, but ive previously asked for managers to give me an outline of the meeting in advance because i have a tendency to catastrophise!
A simple "ive put it in the diary, could you let me know the points to be raised so i dont worry unnecessarily?" is low stakes but can set your mind at rest

As a manager i dont ever put meetings in without outlining them, or at very least adding a "nothing to worry about - its just about XX", etc

FloofPaws · 27/08/2024 05:24

Doggymummar · 26/08/2024 21:51

If it's a disciplinary meeting they have to give you two days notice and the right to be accompanied ( unless it's gross misconduct) so nothings going to happen tomorrow.

I was going to say something similar. They may be very pleased with you they're going to promote you or ask you to step up etc ... whatever it is, good luck and be confident

MelainesLaugh · 27/08/2024 06:42

Hope you got some sleep and it all goes ok today

Adventurerno24 · 27/08/2024 06:51

I think the main preparation would be having a stock response ready for it being something awful. I would prepare a sentence such as, that's really come as a shock to me, can I please have ten minutes to collect my thoughts. To me that's the only thing you can do. Good luck!

violetcuriosity · 27/08/2024 07:15

Good luck OP- I second others advice, don't hesitate to ask for some time to process if it doesn't go as you hope.