To feel that it's unfair

[Foreverundecided]

Feeling very hard done by ATM
So my husband has a senior position and an important position managing a large team and a couple of years ago after the traumatic birth of one of our DC he asked for flexible working, it was accepted despite the fact no other person had it but it was accepted

I took on a job which was meant to be flexible eg was advertised and sold to me as remote and now demands to come back to the office and due to a change in circumstances we also have a day with no childcare so I apply for flexible working
And was more or less told today it will be declined, no reason was offered to why just told it was With HR and they wouldn't comment
Even although I've had flexible working with a previous employer and I know how the process should work and what's happening isn't ok
But basically I know it translates to - we have a business reason to decline but we don't want you to have it, therefore we have involved HR to make sure we make up a astute business reason that will stand up legally

Feeling so down about it, I don't have a job that demands me to be there constantly and I manage my own workload and what I proposed would make no difference, it's just a power trip
It's not the first time I've experienced less than favourable treatment as a mother in the workplace
And I just find it wild my husband asked for flexible working for family issues and it was accepted but I do and I get told we have to treat everyone as equal and we can't take into account your childcare issues

Feeling so down about it, I often regret my career choice and it leads to a spiral of remembering the awful parts of my life that led to me diverging from what I planned on doing

Has anyone managed to win a employer over in relation to flexible working when they've already decided to decline it

@TinyFlamingo sorry only the thank you part was for you in my above comment

It's funny how they use this informal process and suddenly "no decisions been made" when you know the law.
Good for you x
I was looking at tribunal and hopefully the law would change to include parental as a descriminatory issue under woman's (but then becoming parental which would aid fathers and mothers), I was discriminated against. When they realized I would go to tribunal over it they gave me it.
I kinda wished I didn't accept as it's so so wrong and clearly by your post, not unique. But alas...
Good luck lovely, you're so strong!
Whatever you'd decide , you got this!
We shouldn't have to go through this

Please check out Mother Pukka on social media. She has done loads of work to get a law passed on this and her socials on insta have lots of info including a law firm who advises on situations. I don’t think it’s legal what your company is doing. They have to prove your job can’t be done flexibly now whereas in the past they could just decline the request. Check out the Flexible Working Bill so you know your rights.

So have you applied for flexible working or not? Have you gone through the process and been turned down?

I’m currently going through something very similar with my work place. Absolutely ridiculous to have to fight for something that is completely possible, does not affect them in any way and yet does indeed feel like a power trip.

Like you my job is possible fully remote and in winter I am told I have to work remote due to costs of opening the building for skeleton staff, yet I have had my request refused for this to continue throughout the year based on a perceived detrimental affect to the quality of my work.

Ensure you know the process, both your own flexible working policy in work and also the legal process and follow it. Speak to ACAS for guidance. My request was refused so I am now at the appeal stage which I also anticipate a negative response from, but I am fully prepared to take it to a tribunal based on them not following their own or legal processes.

This may also be helpful to see if discrimination can be shown either direct or indirect.
https://workingfamilies.org.uk/articles/flexible-working-and-the-law-a-guide-for-employees/#:~:text=In%20flexible%20working%20cases%2C%20indirect,main%20burden%20of%20caring%20responsibilities).

Good luck x

There are better legal minds than me on here but how far is the office they want you to attend from the office stated on your contract?

And getting to the brass tacks. How much do you need the job financially? And how much does your employer need you?

It seems to me that at the very least they should be offering more money to cover the commuting time, commuting costs and extra child care costs you will incur from having to work in an office when you were told it was work from home. Otherwise it's effectively quite a large pay cut.

Can you get in touch with the employer you turned down? Or just start applying for new jobs?

@alanet I've applied for a few jobs in the last week and one is with the company I turned down, albeit a different area

Yes it is a large pay cut and I have addressed I wouldn't of accepted the pay offered if I had to account travel costs into it

@lazzapazza luxuries will have to go but I can walk away
They do need my experience, I was brought in to fix a problem based on a specific area of experience that's rather niche and so far I do that well, I know they struggled to recruit for my role but I also know they will survive without me, i am sure they'd be happy to lose me rather than give me what they don't agree with

@Leifysmumma i am sorry your going through the sane , it's very stressful when it doesn't need to be
Not to mention demotivating
My request has now been officially rejected and ACAS have offered helpful guidanc, I know I have good grounds to go the whole way with it, just honestly something I wish i didn't need to do

@CelestialNexus I applied and it was turned down

@bakingmummy21 mother pukka made me quite emotional the other day , some of the replies on this thread really made me feel I was a unhinged loon to dare state that I need some flexibility
It was refreshing to hear someone that gets it
I'm pretty sure at this stage I could do my own podcast on the discriminatory nonsense I've witnessed - woman been forced back 6 weeks after her baby was born or told she couldn't have promotion she'd work for
Myself being told I couldn't apply for promotion whilst on maternity ( I was only in my twenties then and had no energy to argue it )
Director once stating me he wouldn't of hired me if he had noticed the ring on my finger because all us woman with rings bring is the inconvenience of maternity
It's been a pleasant ride in my chosen profession but I suppose to most commenting all of above is probably fine

I've taken advice on situation definitely not to the letter of the law how they've approached it however I feel even when when they realise this it's hugely damaging to how I feel about working there now

@TinyFlamingo definitely not unique I've actually seen it happen a few times throughout my career unfortunately which has made me rather weary, hence my doomy post ( I could sense where it was going)
It's now formally rejected without the correct legal process having been followed and even some of what has been said does back up the discrimatory nature of the rejection

Really wish I could share more of it but obviously would completely out myself , I doubt I'd want to work there even if appeal was a success so maybe I will be able to share this if I go to a tribunal