I cant do this any more

[Gettingbysomehow]

I've been working for 45 years. We have incredibly toxic management whose every move seems to indicate they can't recognise their own ineffectual behaviour and they make our entire lives a misery. One particular colleague is like a burrowing parasite and gets under my skin every single day with her incessant emails and nit picking.
I've been off for some time after surgery and don't want to go back.
But I have to go back. I have 3 years left until retirement, can't afford to retire yet, my specialty is unique and the nearest job is 200 miles away.
So I basically have to go back. I've been abusing opioids to cope with the stress and seeing a psychiatrist which isn't really helping.
Can anyone recommend a book with coping strategies for these kinds of situations?

Surely after 45 years you have transferable skills?

it really isn't that easy, I can't explain why or I'l be outed but this is it for the next three years take it or leave it and I'm buggered if nightmare people are going to rob me of my full pension.

can’t you take our pension now? it may be preferable if you are so miserable.

Have a look at 'Quiet Quitting' - if you Google, there are lots of resources online. It might be the answer to get you through the next three years.

I hope you can wean yourself off the opioids; have you asked your doctor about alternative stress medications?

Get help for yr addiction, and then work out if it’s worth yr health to stay in a job that makes u so unhappy.

What age are you? Is three years going to make that much of a difference?

Ok, if you are absolutely sure you can't make a change for three years then it's about survival tactics. I have a similar situation just not so toxic and I have to give myself a big talking to after every holiday so I don't go straight back and resign.

• Schedule your holiday throughout the year so you are getting regular breaks
• If you are the type to work when you get sick, stop that and see sick days as extra breaks.
• Unless you have to live in your email inbox for the job, start checking emails only 3 times per day. Morning, lunch and afternoon. Don't look again in between. It's an annoyance and will affect productivity, if something is urgent then surely someone would call instead.
• The person who sends you too many emails. Stop responding or only reply to one in 3 or just once per day. Just because that's how they chose to work doesn't mean you have to do the same. Ignore the nitpicking.
• Can you WFH at all? If returning after surgery you might be entitled to a phased return or reasonable adjustments. Have a think about what you could request.
• Imagine yourself in a bubble. This bubble is magic, the poor behaviour of others slides right off so it doesn't touch you, leaving you safe and cosy in your bubble to observe the chaos outside with detached amusement. Practice this till it becomes the norm. How others choose to behave is only your problem if you let it be.
• Do your job in a way that makes you feel good, be clear on your boundaries and how you prefer to work, and don't be pushed over them.
• Get help for the opioid abuse please, don't let a crappy work situation damage your health any further.
• Remind yourself daily of your motivation and how that is of primary importance. Everything else is unimportant and can slide off your bubble.
• Reward yourself at regular intervals for getting through it. Mark milestones with a celebration of some sort. 3 years is totally doable.
• Assuming you have to go into a workplace and this is possible, start wearing headphones some of the day. Listen to music that uplifts you and drowns out the noise.
• Always take a lunch break and go outside if you can so people can't interrupt your break. During the rest of the time take a shorter break at least every couple of hours, wall away from your desk, go to the loo even if just to wash your hands, make a cuppa, take a five minute breather. Remind yourself that other people's stress is not yours and you don't have to take it on. All you have to do is your job at a decent basic level and nothing else matters.
• Be annoyingly cheerful all the time, it will actually make you happier
• Practice the art of saying no by saying yes. Eg can you do xyz? Yes, I'll have time next week. Oh, you need it sooner? Perhaps ask so n so, they may have capacity sooner, but if not then I can do it next week or show you how to do it yourself.
• Or just say no to anything you don't want to do, and smile when you say it. I use "that's not in my remit I'm afraid, but try (other person's name)" a lot

You can do it, good luck.

If you have absolutely no choice then see your GP regarding your addiction. Change therapists, either take an Assertiveness course or get a book on assertiveness and practice. Practise some stock phrases when dealing with management and disengage.