Struggling with work colleague

[Lana26]

I work in a tiny office with only one other person. There are lots of other people around in the building but on a day to day basis just us.
She can be nice and does have a good heart but she can also be very unkind and nasty about people.I find working with her absolutely exhausting. I never know what mood she will be in. Some days she turns up and barely says a word to me and then will turn up the next day and spend all day chatting about her weekend or plans. Sometimes I’ll speak and she will pretend she hasn’t heard me and just ignore me. I was speaking to my manager yesterday and she kept sniggering.
I have anxiety anyhow and it’s really beginning to affect me but o absolutely love the job. It’s perfect hours and everyone else apart from her is lovely.
my line manager knows but I don’t want him to say anything as I already feel anxious and thinking I had to confront it makes it worse.he has pointed out there isn’t much he can do if I won’t let him address it and he’s right.
I’m not sure what to do. My DH is very much along the lines of you need to tell her to F off. I am much more along the lines of I’ll give it a few more months and if it’s no better I’ll leave.
I don’t really know what to do with this. Has anyone else been in this position. I feel a bit like I’m at school again and being bullied. The thing is there is no evidence of anything she does as it’s always when no one else is there and she acts lovely when other people turn up!

She sounds awful. Do you have to work with her in any way? Do you share work?

Is there anywhere else at all that you could sit?

Try not caring what she thinks. Keep it cool and simple. Brief, neutral replies. Neutral smile. Don't share any information. Just "fine thanks! Same old!"

If she tries to gossip about other people, complaining about them, just act slightly confused.
"Greg? Is he the one in Accounts? Oh that's George is it? Oh"

I use this at work with gossippy colleagues and it works a treat. No one ever gossips with me any more

@MounjaroUser rhere is another office I could sit in but if I’m not there it makes her more angry as she has to get up and answer the door and she said it interups her. It makes me so cross as she is so fake to everyone else and no one else sees it but me. She was being vile about someone and they walked in and she said ‘oh were just talking about how great you are at your job’

Well tell her to go into the other office and you'll answer the door! She sounds unbearable.

I think I need to start that @Mumoftwo1316 i always say ‘ oh they are alright’ or ‘ I like them they are just young’

@MounjaroUser hahah I know. I tried that but she won’t as she said it’s to noisy.

Being nasty about other colleagues should be addressed by your manager.

@SilverGlitterBaubles agree. It’s only me she does it too, im
so bloody weak I can never stand up for myself or anyone else, I feel so guilty as I say nothing but if I say anything my anxiety gets even worse.

Grey rock op. I’ve had to do this twice with bullying arseholes. Two key points - be non reactive, be boring.

Can you wear Loop earplugs at work? I find them brilliant for either shutting out people like this, or at least pretending I can't hear them.

Stick them in and blank her. Look up every now and then and give her a big smile and pretend you can't hear a thing. (You can, but it damps it down a lot)

Can you work from home?

@Passmetheaero no sadly. She is desperate too so I’m hoping they let her eventually. Would be better for me to be on my own there

@Hatty65 i have heard of these but didn’t know what they were! I wil look into them now

@DogrosesinMay o am going to look this up!

I’m exactly like you op and hate confrontations. She sounds very unpleasant. I’d be tempted to move to the other office and when she kicks off about the answering the door, suggest you both do a swap. I wear my headphones a lot in my office so I don’t have to listen to moaning or gossip. Is that an option for you?

You need to get your line manager to support you with a story about why you now need to work in the other office.

@Lana26 Good luck.

That’s a highly manipulative individual. Get out of her way, whatever it takes. She will move onto someone else

@DogrosesinMay i tried grey rock and it really worked. She just wore herself out. I didn’t even look up from my computer.

@Lana26 Great to hear, look after yourself, don’t let the b*stards grind you down!

Move offices. No reason you should be stuck with her all day or give up your job.

@theduchessofspork i am going to try and move office even just part of the day. It’s tricky as I love the job. It’s the nicest job I’ve ever had just unfortunately the one person I can’t stand is the one I have to work with. No one else knows how horrid she is as she doesn’t say it to them. So I know everything she says and they just think she’s grumpy but harmless.