Help: Work/TTC Dilemma

[RedIvory]

My husband and I planned to be one and done, but that has recently changed for both of us. Current child is 3 years old and thinking we wouldn't want more than a 5 year age gap. The problem: I work for a great company, with great benefits (6 month full salary maternity pay incl.) With no requirement to stay at company on return to work. I'm also the clear breadwinner. Thing is I'm currently in a role I hate, working under a manger that micromanages and undermines my work causing me to feel incompetent and forever anxious. Clearly put, for the sake of my mental health I need out. Ideally we'd like to try for a second child now, but that would mean i would need to grin and bear my current role until i am releaved by maternity leave in +-9 to 10 months (if all goes as easy as my first). Then, would stick it out for around 3-6 months on return to work while looking for another job (preferably in same company, but desperate enough to look externally too). The other option is to actively find a new role outside the company (no internal desirable positions available unfortunately), work around 6 months and then try to conceive. Cons here are that we would need to delay trying to next year this time, and I'd lose my place in a great company with strong benefits. Thoughts and advice please...?

how old are you?

Yeah how old you both are is relevant, but also it depends HOW miserable you are in your current role really, only you know that. I’ve had jobs I didn’t like but for the benefit of ttc could have stuck it out and then left after, I’ve also had jobs where no matter what the benefits I absolutely could not have stuck it our for what is essentially another 18 months of working time (time to conceive, pregnancy, then back for 3-6 months after). Only you know which camp your current job and feelings fall into.

@Mrsttcno1 @coffeenootropics Thank you for taking time to reply. I'll be 33 soon. Husband is 37 soon.

Ah I see. In that case why not hang on even a couple months and apply for any internal vacancies? That way you would still have the entitlement to the maternity pay?

@Mrsttcno1 it would be so ideal if an internal vacancy becomes soon. The reason why this isn't my first option is because I've been eyeing out internal jobs for the last couple of months and nothing in my wheelhouse has popped up. The risk for me is that I hang on looking a little longer, but then a few months down the line nothing opens up, I'm still grinning and bearing the day-to-day, then forced to look externally later than planned, meaning ttc is pushed out later because I'd need ( or want out of guilt) to work at the new company at least 6 months before announcing pregnancy. Thanks for sharing this option to consider.

The thing to consider as well if going somewhere new is that you’d have to wait potentially 12 months until you would be eligible for anything other than SMP. My workplace does 6 months full maternity pay but you have to have been employed for over 12 months to be entitled, so that’s something to factor in. Or if finances aren’t an issue then go for a new job and ttc from now but expecting to only get SMP if you were to fall pregnant straight away?

@Mrsttcno1 That's really helpful. I didn't consider it could be that long (the 12 months)... that does impact the decision as I'd definitely want the 6 months full pay... I'd love to know potential employers' policy but would be risky asking before starting as chances are they'll catch on and not hire me as a result. Perhaps the closest I can get to a consensus is doing a poll to find out time until eligible and hope for a decent response rate.💭

Six months full pay is rare. Don't make plans assuming external employers will match your current employer's policy.

A poll on here won't be representative - small, self-selecting sample and some of the responses might be trolls. I wouldn't be making major life or financial decisions based on a MN forum poll.

My employer only pays a small enhancement after you've been employed many years. You'd never get 6 months full pay. Many people I know elsewhere don't get any enhancement.

If it's manageable to stay where you are in the short term, I'd do that. Often once we know something has an end date, it becomes much more bearable.

go in
head down
smile and nod
work your contracted hours

then head off on maternity leave at earliest op

Remember that you can always apply for internal vacancies during your mat leave and also any time before!

Plus, if you're off for more than 6 months, then your company only has to give you an equivalent role, not the one you were in before mat leave.

I'd TTC now, and keep an eye on the jobs board.

Agree with this and the next post.

I'm only going to be fair so only had a few jobs but nowhere I've worked has offered anything like 6 months full mat pay (both public and private sector jobs). Also in one of the private sector employers you had to be employed for 12 months prior to falling pregnant to qualify for enhanced pay, and the enhanced pay package meant you had to return to work at 6 months for at least 6 months, otherwise they would claw all the extra back!

Stay where you are, move after your mat leave.

Stick it out. Have you discussed your manager’s behaviour with HR? That’s your first step. Then hope to get pregnant quickly, and get signed off for stress. Schedule annual leave before your mat leave starts or start mat leave early with the assumption that you won’t be going back if that’s not a requirement for the enhanced pay. Then look for internal opportunities as well as new jobs while you’re on maternity.

Exactly what I came to say.

@owladventure emotions aside, I think this is what I needed to hear, thank you! I believe having that end date and knowledge that I'm in a very privileged situation in terms of mat policy would/should certainly make it bearable until then.

Thank, I will certainly be hunting other internal roles in the meantime and hope that being pregnant doesn't hinder me. Regardless I will try!

Do you know if I could actually request another equivalent role on my return (assuming no, but asking JUST in case you have more to share here)?

I would hate to complain and make a more toxic environment for myself, considering tensions would surely bleed into the rest of the team. However, I will explore what grounds I have to make a complaint so I can make an informed decision.

I would plan to leverage annual leave before maternity leave to leave as early as possible. I would then definitely look for new and other internal roles while on maternity. Even considered coming back to current role part time (allowed at my company) just to earn something while I hunt for a new role. Thank you for your response!

You get 6 MONTHS full pay for maternity leave?!

bloody hell - don’t even consider going elsewhere! The chances of you finding that anywhere else are almost impossible.

Hi OP. My firm pay enhanced maternity from day 1 with them so no qualifying period before becoming entitled. I'm told by recruiters that's becoming the norm in my profession so I imagine others feel similar pressures. I don't get as good as six months full pay (only four full and four half) but as someone currently signed off with anxiety, I know how important it is to look after your mental health. There's no guarantee that you wouldn't get enhanced maternity in a new role so it might be worth exploring your options.

12 months to qualify for enhanced mat pay isn't even the most it could be. In my sector it's pretty normal to require 2 years service to qualify for enhanced mat pay. I would go ahead and start trying whilst keeping an eye out for internal roles if the 6 months full pay is a deal breaker for you. Good luck!

Stay where you are, keep your head down & grin and bear it.

6 months is hugely unusual.