Struggling with guilt over wanting to work more

[FondantFancy86]

I would love to hear from mums who choose to be in work instead of SAH.

Long story short, my formerly great job pretty much fell apart last year and I resigned for my own mental health. Since then I've picked up some more work 2 to 3 days per week. It's okay. It pays some bills. It's not fulfilling. I don't get very much out of it.

I have ADHD, recently diagnosed, so I know now why I thrive jobs and projects I find interesting. I need things to keep me interested, it's essential. I've tried really hard to want to be a stay-at-home mum but I don't get on well with it at all. I really struggle with feeling bored and frustrated, the repetitive nature of it, the loneliness and I know I'm not being the best version of myself for my DS (3) and that makes me feel terrible, like an awful mother.

An opportunity has recently come up for a dream job of mine. It would be working long hours, 4 days a week. It'll be quite a long commute so I would definitely see less of DS, but I'm hoping so much that if I were lucky enough to get this job I could show up for him and be a much better version of myself and spend quality time with him on my days off and weekends.

But I'm still so wracked with guilt that I would choose not to be around him as much. I want this job so badly for myself, for my self-esteem and my mental health but I just feel awful for wanting that. Has anybody else been through the same thing?

To be completely honest, I'm also resentful that my DH doesn't have to make these decisions. He works full-time, guilt-free. He travels for work a lot. He's away at least one week out of four and everyone just accepts that and but when it comes to me discussing my dreams and aspirations for a career, I've had more than one person say I should be grateful to be at home with my DS as much as I am and I'll regret it when I miss this precious time. No-one ever says that to DH.

Rant over. I'd love to hear some other perspectives, I always come here for good advice. Thanks in advance.

Do it! Your son is at an age where he'll get loads out of being around other people more in a childcare setting and playing alongside other children. He's old enough to know he hasn't been abandoned and you're coming back. And you matter, too.

Definitely do it. I think this is a real taboo- the narrative seems to be that if you are a working mother you have to only do it because you have to and are wracked with sorrow at being parted from your child. Woe betide you enjoy work.

I went back to work full time after having kids because I liked my job and I knew I would be a better parent if I wasn’t doing it full time. At the time I felt terribly guilty and felt I needed to make excuses. 15 years on I have two happy, well-behaved, loving and kind teenagers- I am biased but I don’t think they could have turned out any better!

I wouldn’t hesitate doing this for myself. My only thought would be can I get childcare and can we afford said childcare but beyond that I’d just go for it. Kids are amazing but it’s not unreasonable to want something for yourself.

This is refreshing to hear. Usually it's being guilted for working too much.
I love my job, work four days a week and feel really lucky to have a job where I'm valued, challenged and thrive.
My little one is 3.5 and at nursery 4 days a week. He loves it and wouldn't be the character he is now without nursery. It works perfectly for us.
Like yourself I couldn't hack being a SAHM, I've had periods of time off (most recently due to a bereavement) and I know that I am mentally healthier whilst working and have something to challenge myself.

You know what to do for yourself really, so make the right decision!