Still don’t know what I want to do with my life!

[Veebee89]

Does anyone else feel the same way?

I was very academic at school and got good exam results but never really knew what I wanted to do and being from a working class background I didn’t have anyone who could guide me.

I’ve always loved politics so joined the Civil Service Fast Stream (their grad scheme) after uni. I wanted to do the diplomatic scheme and have actually done one diplomatic posting but I didn’t pursue it because I’d already met my (now) DH and his career doesn’t allow him to be geographically mobile.

I progressed quickly and have a good job as a senior civil servant but the more “sexy” roles have always been based in London so I’ve always been in more boring corporate roles and never had a passion for my job. It’s also quite demanding and difficult to have a good work/life balance.

I’m in my mid-thirties now and expecting my first baby. DH would be happy for me to be a SAHM but I think it’s important to have my own career and own income. However, I think it’s going to be even harder to be motivated at work when I’m missing time with my DC for something I have no passion for.

I’m torn between wanting to maintain the career I’ve built (I’ve worked hard to get to this level, I’m on a good salary which I don’t want to lose, I don’t dislike my job, just don’t actively enjoy it) and thinking that maybe the grass is always greener and I should be grateful for what I’ve got vs thinking that I’m not even half way through my working life, not fulfilling my potential doing a job which I don’t find real meaning in and should be pursuing something I have a real passion for!

I love English and creative writing so often wish I’d done journalism and gone into political / current affairs journalism as I can imagine being incredibly motivated and loving working in that field but everything I read is that journalism is a dying profession, there are no opportunities, only do it if you’re happy to have no income etc.

I’ve also thought about going into academia (there are aspects of my current work which I think raise really interesting questions to research) but again it would take years (if ever) to build back to my current salary, I read how hard it is to get permanent roles for academics and I have no passion for teaching.

Sometimes I think of just opening a coffee shop so at least I have the satisfaction of it being my own business and scope for creativity!

Does anyone else feel like this? Has anyone done a late career change and how did it turn out? How did you find your passion and the right path for you?

You've used the word passion a lot and I think your expectations about working life are unrealistic.

It's rare for people to feel passionate about their job - and passion jobs tend to be ones with terrible pay and conditions which drive people to leave. There are some exceptions but most people report that trying to make their hobby their career kills the enjoyment the hobby once gave them.

Work is what we do to provide ourselves with food and shelter. It's not there to provide us with meaning or passion.

Given that your examples of alternative passion careers are based on pure fantasy, I think this is just FOMO mixed with existential dread as you enter a new life stage becoming a parent.

I don't know why you'd want to pursue academia when you don't like teaching and the sector is in financial distress. It would be a good way to kill any passion you once had for the subject. You wouldn't get to research the fun interesting questions, you'd have to research what was being funded. You'd have to work to secure that funding. You'd be accountable for delivering their research on boring questions.

You've pointed out the major flaw with the journalism idea yourself so I won't repeat that.

Do you really think running a coffee shop would be a relaxing time floating about chatting to people? You'd have huge responsibility and be under financial pressure trying to make it profitable during cost of living pressures, high prices and reduced footfall. You'd have to deal with regulations, suppliers, customers, employees, employment law, keeping the accounts, taxes...

You're already living your life - you have a good successful career, a husband, a baby on the way, a home together. If you feel that meaning and passion are missing then add them in outside of work - volunteer, expand your hobbies, nurture your interests. But please don't waste the one great life you have yearning for some unreachable fantasy greener grass elsewhere - learn to focus on the present and what you have. That's where the meaning is.