New job and manager sending threatening emails

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Hello,

I'm after a bit of advice. I've just started a new role in the NHS (my profession, just a new trust). I've been there 10 weeks. When I was offered the role it was offered to me as a mainly remote working position due to the distance from my home. I wouldn't have accepted it otherwise. I was also told that I would get full travelling costs to the other site.

Since starting it became apparent that I was expected to be on-site more than what I was told originally, so this was costing me more money and making things difficult (I stay in a local hotel when I am there and had been led to believe it was only for one night a week). I also haven't been given travelling costs for the journey to and from the other site (which I do when I am already staying at the base site) due to the way the computer system works it out. So, I'm losing out on 500 miles a month. Again, what I was told I would get when offered the role.

I mentioned the hotel costs to my manager and said we'd agreed I'd only stay one night. He couldn't recall this and he said he expects me on-site the same days as everyone else. Luckily, I had it in an email to prove what I was offered.

I went to HR for advice. Not maliciously or anything. I just wanted to know where I stood as it was becoming obvious I couldn't afford to stay there and I had given up a perfectly good role nearer home (although not my profession). HR read the email and checked recruitment notes and agreed that I'd been offered the role on a two day on-site basis (one day each site) and one overnight stay. They told me to email him the email I had been sent. So, I did and expressed my concerns over the extra days I was there. All in an email, so it was recorded. He replied back in a really rude manner and said he felt I'd been sneaky going to HR and asked why I hadn't brought it up with him (I had!). He said he was trying to stamp out the culture of people running to HR. I wasn't running to HR! He then met me and said it had 'got his back up' and he was disappointed in me (that I'd gone to HR). He said he was a fair manager and would find ways to help - which he did and the two days on-site was agreed. The travel costs still haven't been sorted so I'm still out of pocket there.

Anyway, someone there has been to see him about something I apparently said. I didn't. He then sent me another email this week in a threatening tone saying I had said this and that (I hadn't) and it was unacceptable etc. He then said he didn't expect a reply but it had been noted! I am on probation for 6 months (which I have never been before in the NHS). I was so upset at the email that I got upset and had to leave and return home (he was off that day). I worked from home for the rest of the week. Other colleagues were concerned and phoned me to make sure I was ok.

I've been in the NHS for 25+ years and have never had an issue with any previous manager. I've only been there 10 weeks. I'm doing well in the role. He said so himself.

I am on my own at home (with a daughter) and have big divorce costs to repay. I am really concerned he will get rid of me at the 6 month probation meeting and end my 28 year career!! And, probably my life tbh as I need this role and salary. I don't have any family, apart from the kids.

I have been through a lot over the last few years so was in no emotional state to receive emails like this. I am starting to wonder about the 'culture' he mentioned. The person who went telling tales to get me in trouble was a newly recruited band 5 to the NHS.

I feel like my manager has the wrong impression of me, due to me asking advice from HR, and is now almost picking on me. If it happens again, I'll walk. I'm a hard worker in the NHS. Band 7 and have worked/studied hard over the years. I have a nice nature and I am really nice to people etc. I just don't understand it.

I know they lost a lot of staff before I started and he had said a lot who left were part of this culture he was on about.

I have started looking for another job back home but now realise I will have to put him down as a reference. He hardly knows me and has, already, created the wrong impression of me. I had lunch with my old manager the other day who was astonished by this (I told him and showed him the emails).

What would you do? I'm really concerned this manager is aggressive underneath. I still haven't seen him as he is on leave a few weeks.

He couldn't recall this and he said he expects me on-site the same days as everyone else. Luckily, I had it in an email to prove what I was offered.

After he said that he couldn't recall the email, did you show him it, or did you keep quiet and contact HR?

If that is the case, I can understand why it may have got his back up. That doesn't excuse the way he's treated you, though.

First thing to do would be to have a chat with him. Tell him that you contacting HR wasn't malicious, or to go behind his back... you contacted them because you wanted confirmation of the agreement before continuing the conversation.

I think I'd be speaking to HR again to show them what he's said and raise concerns about him "not wanting staff to run to HR" as that sounds like there's been a backstory there and his attitude is threatening and you're worried that after all your many years of service he may try and get you out after your probationary period because he is angry that you went to HR, and ask them for advice on how to proceed.

If someone has told him something untrue about you that has resulted in him forming a negative opinion about you, then that is defamatory and I'd be having a conversation with him to set the record straight.

Are you in a union. You'd be able to get professional advice about dealing with this situation. But I would definitely show HR the email about "running to HR". if your advisor agreed.

Also. You say you have a good relationship with your previous manager. I don't 100 % know how these things work but if you did want to leave your post, I believe they are not allowed to say bad things about you writing. Just the dates you worked there and your role. I'm sure your previous manager who you worked with for a longer period would give you a glowing ref.

Print the emails out and keep a copy at home. I would also forward the whole lot to HR and bcc them into any replies you send him.

Look elsewhere.
Is this why they had many people leave.
Who needs to be battling a manager with this type of attitude.
Good on you for going to HR this muppet needs put in his place.
Why would a decent manager be concerned that you did so!.

He sounds like an arsehole. I had a manager like that. They'd promise or instruct things then deny it. I'd pull them up with evidence in email. They'd ignore it, I'd go higher, higher would go to her to back me up, I'd be in the shit house! When I did nothing wrong.
Just use HR or another colleague as a reference and get out of there.

With the first issue, you should respond and advise that you went to HR to confirm the agreement, not to go behind his back. Then, forward that email to HR for their visibility.

2nd issue where someone has told him something....he has probably made it up. I would write and respond to him, copying in HR. Keep things factual and confirm that you've said nothing of the sort and you are concerned with the allegation and the manner in which it is being managed. Request a meeting with him and HR to discuss.

Don't let him bully you OP. Keep things in writing as much as possible. He's an arse.

I would start applying for other jobs if you can, I have worked with toxic manipulative people who gas light people and it can properly mess with your mental health and destroy your self confidence. Nothing is worth that. My old boss would constantly agree one thing and later say another thing was agreed, she would tell people to do things one way (often when people would say it wouldn’t be effective) and when it would go wrong would claim she had told them to do it a different way. Lots of projects were abandoned or done in convoluted ways as she kept changing her mind - it was awful.

When my contract ended I did not apply for a new role as it was just awful there - nothing being completed and everyone miserable and walking on egg shells. My lovely brilliant colleague complained to the board (no HR) and it was just relayed back to my boss who was angry - as a result she was effectively bullied out of a job she loved and is now in an entirely different industry.

I am not in the union now - had been for many years but decided to leave recently (trying to cut costs).

I did say to him that I hadn't gone to HR in a malicious way, I was worried for my future and things promised, on appointment, wouldn't have materialised.

I think the person who went to him, to get me in trouble, has twisted what I said about something but I definitely did not say what he has put in the email! She is young and had failed a test at work that week and I knew she'd been in a really bad mood as it looks like they haven't supported her with training as much as they should (note that I'm not in the same
area as her).

I feel like I can't go to HR. It has scared me. I'm
going to look for another job.

I haven't had a manager like this, previously. I had a chat with the other senior member of staff (he interviewed me along with two doctors) and he said I'm doing a great job and he feels my skills set were perfect for the role. I have asked him for a reference and explained (he was in the room when I packed up and went home in tears) what I'm thinking. He said he wants me to reconsider. He is lovely, in comparison to the other one.

I feel like I can't raise concerns about anything and it has really upset me about what this young girl has done and the way she went running to him. He hasn't said anything about that! It's defamatory to my character. I'm in a new role (a lot of it that I haven't done before) and have had very little training so I am finding my feet, as they say. I could really do without this.

I will be looking elsewhere and I definitely don't feel comfortable there anymore.

He had taken me onto his office and told
me off. Well. I got a lecture on how me going to HR had got his back up etc. I felt like a naughty school child!

Look for another job, if asked why your moving on so soon be honest and say sadly there is a senior member of staff who agreed certain terms in the interview that has back tracked and made it impossible for you to continue to work there. In your 28 years of working for the nhs this is a first and you'd rather be putting your efforts into doing a good job rather than treading on eggshells around someone who is clearly going to make things difficult. I doubt this will get better - sounds like this person has it in for you and may well tactically continue to make things awkward and potentially get you out after your probationary period. Take control, let HR know what you're doing and why. He's the issue not you!

Morning OP. So sorry you're going through this shit. I'm not NHS but have been bullied at work twice so have learned a lot from that.

My key piece of advice is to find your anger and indignation. Your last post saying you felt like a naughty school girl says it all. No doubt you are pretty worn down and knackered after a divorce and that's contributing but seriously, find your anger with this. You are good at your job, how dare he speak to you and dress you down like that? It's appalling management and you deserve better.

Firstly work out what outcome you want. Is it a decent reference, is it a calm working environment whilst you look for another role, is it finding some way to get this man educated so that he's less of an arse?

Then have a discussion with him. Very calm and professional. Keep a lower tone of voice than normal. Speak slowly. ^ "I'm good at my job. I come here to work and contribute, I don't expect to be hassled, criticised and harangued for that. I don't appreciate the way that you talked to me on <date>, nor that you told me off for checking my employment details with HR -a perfectly normal course of action as they hold my employment records. If you have a problem with something I've done, we need to discuss that, not tell me off like a naughty child. I deserve better than that and I'm a grown woman, more than capable of taking constructive feedback when given properly and professionally.^

I want^ to work here and be successful. I am good at what I do and this is the role I want. So, can we now start again in mutually respectful and professional manner, so that we can both get on with our jobs? "

Seriously he sounds like the kind of person who needs to be a bit scared of you so that he keeps his insecurities under wraps around you.

Find your anger with this little toad and let him have it bath barrrels. Professionally of course^

OP did you post about this before!? It sounds so familiar.

Go through all the official channels and document every conversation.

I'm not familiar with the nhs but I presume there is a union, if you're not already in it, then join now, speak to them and hr about his bullying behaviour. This is about surviving and being meek or accommodating towards him will only result in him to continue to bully you. I'd send on the emails to hr and put a grievance in for him.

Renew your union membership now. Before this escalates and becomes a substantive issue... NHS HR and management absolutely dire in my experience. Unions won't take on existing cases so get in now and then if you can't find a job you have someone who has got your back.

Agree with others this sounds like a pattern of behaviour from the Manager.

The problem is him, not you, and not the other people who left before you. I bet HR know this. Well done for keeping everything in writing by the way.

He doesn't sound like the sort of manager that would take feedback , admit to be wrong and be constructive and positive from then on. On top of that you are stressed and out of pocket due to your travel costs. In your shoes I'd look for a new job ASAP, and let HR know why.

When I moved jobs from one trust to another, I had to send reference requests to the HR dept, probably to avoid this sort of stuff! Maybe this could be an option for you?
There is far too much of this culture in the NHS.

@Toomuchgoingon79
Yes, I did post before but was asking for advice on whether to go to HR, initially, due to the renewed expectations that I was to be on-site more often and the issue with the travel costs.

This is what has happened since I emailed HR.

Cut your losses and find something else. As for the travel costs, how were these meant to be covered? Have you actually put in an expense claim and he's turned it down?

I would absolutely reply to the latest email refuting the allegations that have been made against you.

if you don’t the fact that you didn’t refute them at the time will be used against you at your 6 month probationary review.

You going to HR to check the terms of the agreement should not be "getting his back up" and the way he is continuing to behave shows very clearly that he is a poor manager. You're letting him get away with it, so you need to get a bit angrier...you've got many years of experience behind you, why are you letting this idiot get to you? Do keep everything in writing, if he pulls you into his office again then make sure you follow up with an email to him to summarise the meeting etc...

Don't worry about HR, they are there to help and so I would be copying them in and speaking to them if his behaviour doesn't stop. I say this as a senior HR Manager....

It sounds like he’ll do what it takes for you to leave. :( start job hunting OP!

Im going through something similar and its taken HR a LONG time to remove my manager from managerial duties / sack / move him into a new role or move me into a new role

its been utter misery. I love the fact that law means we’re protected in our roles but sadly it also means shite managers are also protected in theirs too.

"It's defamatory to my character."

Yes! it is.. and you have to refute this very convenient allegation or it will stand. He knows this. You don't even know if this was what she actually said or if he as inflated it.

He sounds like a bully and a liar and he's trying to create a situation where mud sticks. Don't let him. You must protect yourself and your reputation.

A union rep would tell you that you should avoid any closed door meetings with him alone from now on if possible. Either a colleague or a union rep or a person from HR and record what is said.

If you get another meeting like that you email your recollection to him. "Just to confirm you called a meeting in your office today You said that this that happened. etc. " and list the points that he mentioned. Even if you find it hard to say something at the time of the meeting, you can say in the email. I refute this allegation or I found your tone very uncomfortable and I would prefer future meetings of this nature to have a member of HR present. I promise you he will be much more careful about what he says and how.

Record it on your iphone if you have to.

Yes to looking for another job. You don't need this crap. One can think of standing up for oneself and staying strong, but ultimately a bully like this can grind you down and they are not agreeing to their terms and conditions anyway.
You can also say to HR that you are worried he will give bad references because he says you "ran" to HR, but you wouldn't have done that if you were'nt concerned.

Logically that is how I see it, but overall its better to speak to a RL expert before acting and I also think you should rejoin your union.