How honest are you in your 1:1s?

[Diamondintherough89]

I've been in my role for over 2 years and I've been unhappy for the past 6-9 months. This is partly due to someone else joining the team a year ago, and feeling like they've been trying to micromanage me even though I don't report to them. I have always been open with my LM so when I spoke to them about this on a few occasions, the last couple of times I was made out to be the problem, and my LM had this narrative that I didn't or couldn't work with this person even though I had NEVER said that. My LM handpicked this person to join the team as it was a brand new role, i.e. they didn't have an interview just an informal chat. Since this person joined the team, I feel like my working relationship with my line manager has changed (it was only me and them in the immediate team), and because the other person works more closely with my LM as they have a higher graded role, they have become very close and I feel like I have been pushed to the side. My work has never been questioned, but more recently I feel like my LM has been micromanaging me, especially when the other person questions when I do something. During the past 6-9 months, I've been going back and forth on whether I should look for something else, but the last month or two I've been dead set on leaving.

I have a 1:1 with my line manager coming up. It's been noticeable to my line manager and the other person that I'm unhappy. I've been actively looking for another job, but I don't want to tell my line manager although she probably suspects. I don't know how honest to be in this 1:1 but I'm not good at hiding how I feel!

Highlight your achievements.
Fake positivity and engagement.
Ask questions to kill time.
End the 1:1 with a breezy thanks, so good to talk to finish on a good impression.

Diplomatically phrase any issues.

Make efforts to engage a bit more with your manager.

Play the game!!

As above, and push back against bossy colleague in work!

The thing is I do push back, then I get a message from my manager asking if something is wrong, and when I explain, my LM then says "I don't think other person was checking up on you, they wouldn't do that, they're just trying to help" but I obviously disagree with this! And it's happened on several occasions so I've also been told "I thought we got passed this. I need you to work together."

There was even an occasion where said person had a catch up with LM, and said that they hadn't spoken to me in a while (we had messaged several times over teams, but not as a video call as I prefer to message, but said person had not called me either), then my LM pulled me up on it and said to me "if there's an issue then it has to be sorted as I need you to work with said person". I was shocked as I didn't have a problem at the time so I was like how am I being made to have a problem because I haven't called said person, when said person hasn't called me either!

Something else just happened with said person...someone was supposed to attend a series of meetings going forward on behalf of LM. I went to forward the invite series but couldn't as the forward option was grayed out. I then emailed the person who sent the invite to ask if they could forward the series and cc'd said person.

The person who was supposed to attend emailed me and said person saying they hadn't received the invite so couldn't attend. Said person then emails me saying "Diamondintherough89 can't you forward the invites in the meantime?". I was thinking to myself that I'm not bloody stupid, if I could forward the invites I would have done that in the first place! I emailed back saying "I couldn't forward the invites hence emailing (person's name)". Said person must have checked themselves whether the invite could be forwarded, as they then emailed someone else for help with the invites.

Honestly, this is not worth your time even thinking about it.

Person A didn't do x, you emailed and copied in Person B who it affected. Person B didn't understand fully and emailed you for help. You emailed back saying Person A was responsible.

Nothing more you could have done. Not your circus, not your monkeys as they say.

I don't understand how some here suggest "to push back"? Isn't there a risk of negative feedback from doing this and things escalating.

If you’re that unhappy and it’s feasable look for another job, in the mean time, head down, work hard and play the game. You can’t win when person x is a higher grade and your LM is clearly more favourable towards them.
go to your 1:1 tell your LM what they want to hear and carry on with your own plans.
life is too short for rubbish like that.
Good luck 🍀

Try not to give it headspace, fake positivity all the way and good luck with the job search.

Use the snip tool. Snip a screenshot of the greyed out forward bit and email both bright and breezy saying ‘sorry it won’t let me forward on’ then copy them in to your email to the invite owner. Arse covering. I spend hours doing it!

Never say you are looking for a new job, it doesn’t help.

Don’t tell your manager you are looking for another job as that won’t help.

If the other person is a higher grade than you and the managers buddy you just have to suck it up & tell the manager what they want to hear. Set up a call with the other person if they think it’s that important, I get you don’t like it but it’s not the end of the world. Just go into arse covering mode.

How often do you have a one to one with your manager? It doesn’t sound as if they are frequent but really, unless it is a mid year performance review, you should meet with your manager frequently.

If manager is delegating meeting attendance to the other person why is it you forwarding the invites?

I understand this op as I have similar, only my LM is leaving and other colleague (who is very friendly with LM and hasn't been that nice to me over the 2 years since I joined the team) is now going to be my team leader. I made the mistake of saying to LM I wasn't feeling very happy about this and explained xyz but was basically told I was "creating a problem" and the narrative from LM was "I just don't like this person" when it's not a case of that, it's the fact they've been a bitch to me.

I'm looking for another job and as others have said just play the game until I can leave. It feels forced but the alternative is getting yourself into more trouble, which is unfair as it's not our fault, but some workplaces are just toxic like that.

Look for another job and in the meantime play the game. Easy breezy and positivity only. Not a single negative thing said about the person. Keep smiling and agree to whatever they say.

This way you cannot be accused of any wrongdoing or bad attitude and you are protecting your references for future employment.

Also if this person really does have an agenda against you it will drive them up the wall and show them up!