I was unprofessional today

[Alifemoreordinary123]

Feeling terrible. I’m in a senior position but went into a session stressed and having had a bad exchange with a colleague. I was in totally the wrong mindset and was negative and waaaay too ‘real’ for my team (a mix of peers and junior colleagues). They’re all having a really hard time (our industry is a mess). I strayed hugely from remaining upbeat and solution focused to just having a whinge. At one point, a colleague asked for support and I didn’t give it in the way they needed it. Really really let myself down. Anyone any wise words for me? I recognise this was a reaction to my own significant stress and frustration.

God. You're human. Don't be too hard on yourself.

Take some time over the weekend and apologise on Monday if you're still feeling as bad. I'm sure your team will be sympathetic!

They may have appreciated the realistic viewpoint. I know that I do as opposed to some happy clappy corporate claptrap

Bad news, you're human.

What would you say to a colleague in your position? Given the pressure on all your colleagues, you included, I'm going to assume it isn't 'HOW VERY DARE YOU!'... The important thing at moments like this is not to get stuck admiring the problem, but to move yourself to the next step - what are you going to do differently next time? Is it about recognising your own stress signatures? Is it something about the situation? The context? Or is there something else?

How bad was it? I'm guessing it isn't as bad as you feel it was. Try not to dwell on it

Apologise on Monday if you need to, and move on from it.

If you can book a few days off soon to destress

Thank you - really appreciate these responses and perspective. I’ve also just been for a run and that has helped. I will apologise on Monday in terms of feeling like I undermined my duty of care to the team. Letting off steam with them is absolutely fine to a point (I’m not a boss who holds the corporate line firmly at all) but that I went too far due to my own stress reaction and lack of planning for the session (which always makes it easier for things to descend into whinging). Thank you!

@Nocturna it was pretty bad. I think I described my industry as a shit show at one point 🫣. (Which is fair to be honest just not the time or language to use)

Whilst not ideal, it sounds like you were just having a whinge in general. It wasn't directed at an individual.

I wouldn't say about duty of care unless they are vulnerable in any way. I'd just say you apologise for Friday, you were just having a bad day. People will understand you're human and not a robot.

If I was on your team I would probably appreciate the honesty if that is the reality for the situation. I would also respect you showing your human side and not just toeing the company line and spouting the usual corporate nonsense. I really wouldn't worry OP.

You have more self awareness than any of my current/past Managers.
You’re doing ok 👍🏻

Contact the member of your team who you feel you didn't support in the right way and say sorry if I didn't take your concern / needs seriously. Can we try again?

then see if this prompts them to take up your offer and try to give them help.

if nothing else, they will feel you're a supportive manager and it will help you regain perspective.

dont be too hard on yourself!

I love those meetings where someone has the balls to say it like it is. There's a good chance someone in that meeting may have wondered why everyone else is so upbeat throughout the shit show and may have felt inadequate.

Agreed, sometimes there is no other option but to describe a situation as it is. Putting on a fake smile to gloss over it and pretend everything is okay is disingenuous and most people see straight through that corporate nonsense.