I was promoted within the team I’d worked in for 5 years to a management role last year. I feel like I’m awful at the job but equally feel like there’s very little support to help me get better. I’ve had a lot going on personally which isn’t helping and had to take a few months off sick last year due to a family bereavement so I’m reluctant to take any more time off otherwise people are going to think I’m playing the system.
Earlier this year I was sexually assaulted so now I’m really struggling in situations at work where I’m dealing with male clients alone or in meetings where there’s only me and male colleagues present which is stupid when I’ve known these people for years but the panic makes me forget things, I make stupid mistakes and people constantly have to remind me for stuff.
I guess I just feel constantly on edge all the time, I was referred to occupational health who have said they are very worried about me and are going to contact HR which I imagine is only going to make things worse.
My manager is okay and means well but just keeps saying he’ll make a note of how I’m feeling in 1-1’s so it’s documented but then nothing ever actually gets done. When I ask for help I just get told that everyone needs to “wing it” but I can’t learn like that. I’m frequently logged on until 9 or 10 at night trying to get through my work and if I take annual leave or a day off I spend my leave frantically checking my emails in case I’ve done anything wrong or worrying if I’ll get told off when I return.
I’m so worn down and miserable and could really use some advice. I can’t leave because I have a mortgage to pay and I’m by myself.