Hi, I would be grateful for some advice on current issue at work.
For context, I returned to work nearly two years ago from my last maternity leave (my youngest children are very close in age). I work for a large organisation in the charity sector. I applied for flexible working and my request was accepted (I made the decision to return to work part-time, 3 full days to balance time with my children and working life). Upon my return, a new line manager was in place (six months prior to me returning). My line manager came from outside the sector (designer/production supervisor from an ad agency) and is in his late 50s with two grown children, both privately educated (relevant in that he mentions this frequently).
The team now consists of line manager, another male colleague who has same role as me (he previously worked with line manager at ad agency) and a male junior colleague (who also knows line manager from work experience at agency and lives near/his parents run in the same social circles).
Now to the point, can someone please advise if the following is a form of harrassment or is there a more suitable term for what is happening? I know there are much worse things that can happen in life and it's my responsibility to take hold of this / get out of this job. I have been so stressed and feel like my self esteem is crashing and I'm seriously regressing in this role (obviosuly in conflict with how I feel I should be as a 36 year old woman and mother).
The following things have happened over the last year two years:
- Line manager designing an image and he said he thought it looked like a packet of durex (I felt a little awkward and then he said "why are you laughing, sure you don't know even know what those are";
-I was walking to another meeting room and he was with me and as went by a cupboard he said "oh i'll not take you in there, you already have four children, you wouldn't want a fifth"
-again, was in a room with him on my own and he begun talking about covid etc and and i joined in the conversation saying yes it was an awful time for everyone. He then said but "you were busy having babies" (my 3rd child was born in Apirl 2020) I agreed and said yes, and some general statement about how I love having children and then he said something that made me feel very uneasy and I could sense him sniggering as he said "we know what it is you really like"
- he went off on a rant about the two child policy and how if he were in power, he would enforce this (I didn't engage in this as obviously with having four children, I was a clear target and the office isn't the place for such a heated debate)
- he has made reference on so many occasions to me working part time, how lucky I am that my request was accepted because my role should be full time only (I worked full time prior to maternity)
- he holds team meetings on the days I'm not in (I read emails, follow up on teams to see what I've missed; i look out to ensure i havent missed anything but then inevitably, I'm only made aware of so much)
- he always mentions in meetings with other teams how I've just returned from maternity (even when I was back in in my role a year/18 months etc)
- he does not delegate any substantial projects; does not invite me to important meetings, he gives me scraps to do - when I ask for work, he says he will delegate but it doesn't materialise)
- he takes over some of the work I'm doing (assigns his name on the team task list)
- male colleague who has same job role (I appreciate his experience and skills etc but they hog all the work)
- General remarks about a woman's body after having four or more children
- accusing me of losing a piece of equipment and searching my desk cabinet only to aggressively say to a colleague why does she lock her drawers when she's only in here 3 days a week (I leave the key to the cabinet in pen holder on desk for easy access)
- geneal statements about
- not inviting me to meetings or not even awre meetings are taking place with senior staff (only him and other male colleague ( on more than one occasion, he has dropped me in two minutes before meeting begins (I'm going in unprepared).
- Othe rg
- Othe general statements about my number of children, how I don't make boy babies etc
-infrequent one-to-ones - when they do occur, very general, patronising feedback such as "you have an eye for detail" yet he knows there are no specific projects he is willing to delegate to progress/apply my skillset
Some of this felt more sinister at the time and I'm not sure if I'm describing it accurately (I need to pull myself together). This has caused such stress, obviously i went back to work to actually work not sit like a spare part. I'm not a victim and I know this isn't as tough as what some women experience when they return - I am just looking some clarity on what this is.
Thank you.