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Original poster

Advice - probably need to leave job but have a 3 month notice period..

27 replies

theaplie · 18/07/2024 14:41

I've been in my job 4 years. The manager is toxic. He's caused 9 people to leave in that time, he's unfriendly, rude, short, stressy and has no appreciation for the stress the work causes people, on top of his attitude.

Anyway, we hired a new lady the other week, she's told me already she felt that his training was rushed and she's been feeling very stressed, he's said stuff to her like "it's only easy work.." making her feel stupid for struggling.

Me and her had a conversation because I was one of the people who interviewed her (whereas he didn't), and I agreed that the boss has no empathy and I probably went to town a bit agreeing with her, in the hope to make her realise we all know what he's like, and please don't give up and stay a bit longer type thing.

Anyway, HR heard this conversation and have told him what we said... now I'm in the shit with him. How stupid was I to not realise we were being listened to.
He obviously thinks I'm 2 faced but I have never felt able to tell him what I think of him for fear that I would be pushed out too.

Now we have to work together when he knows what I think of him...my colleague is without doubt going to leave now as well.
I'm stuck, I need this job right now and I have a 3 month notice period which is going to make it hard for me to secure another role because I'm not even in a senior position.

What would you do?

OP posts:
JuneFromBethesda · 18/07/2024 15:02

I have no advice, I’m sorry, but I’m watching with interest as I also want to leave my job and also have a 3-month notice period. I’m kicking myself for not negotiating it down when I took the job.

I’m hoping my next employer (whoever they might be) will be happy to wait but it’s definitely going to be a handicap 😟

i wonder what an employer could do if you didn’t honour the entire notice period? Withhold a reference and/or pay? Or something more serious?

amyshep · 18/07/2024 15:06

I've just handed in my notice and it's also 3 months- nightmare!
So here's a hand hold while we wait it out.
Have you got a new job?
Thankfully I have one lined up

amyshep · 18/07/2024 15:07

I'm considering being off sick for the last few weeks. Not valued as a person so will see how the next 2 months go!

DanceTheDevilBackIntoHisHole · 18/07/2024 15:10

How did HR handle it with him? Is there any chance that this is an opportunity to air the issues and rebuild?

bergamotorange · 18/07/2024 15:13

Why do you need to leave? Can't you just look for another role and leave when you have one?

Are HR treating this as a misconduct issue?

SlipperyLizard · 18/07/2024 15:15

If you’re the right candidate for a job then a 3 month notice period won’t put an employer off. I’ve found a 6 month notice period in the past and to be honest I prefer it - it gives security that they can’t just get rid of you with a month’s pay.

NoSquirrels · 18/07/2024 15:16

Are you in trouble with HR - do you have a warning or disciplinary process being followed? Or are you just worried your manager is going to treat you badly now he knows your opinion?

Original poster
theaplie · 18/07/2024 15:35

I'm not in trouble in terms of a disciplinary as far as I'm aware.
I think my manager is quite angry with me, but he needs me as I'm a good worker so he would rather I stay. Still, he may be hostile with me and make me feel uncomfortable.

OP posts:
NoSquirrels · 18/07/2024 15:43

OK, well that’s good.

Perhaps - perhaps not, but you never know - he will do some reflection and be a bit better in future. Regardless, as you say, he needs you so don’t be too concerned. Yes, it’s embarrassing and a difficult situation to be in but you can get through this. Ideally have a conversation which goes ‘Manager, I’m sorry I misjudged how I spoke to New Hire but the truth is I’m concerned our department keeps losing staff and you can be difficult to be managed by. I should have brought my concerns to you though rather than speaking out of turn.’

NoSquirrels · 18/07/2024 15:44

And look for a new job if you want one - I would, if my manager was awful. Don’t let the notice period put you off.

ConfessionsOfAMumDramaQueen · 18/07/2024 15:49

Look for a new job. Say you have 3 month notice period but if they say they can't wait that long you can always try negotiate it down. If manager is hostile, record it with HR. Then when you have something lined up ask to leave early due to hostile work environment, referring to the hostile behaviour you've been logging.

DreadPirateRobots · 18/07/2024 15:50

Find another job. Tell the new job you have a three month notice period. Simultaneously, when you give notice, try to negotiate your notice period down. Most employers don't see the point of you working out a full three months of notice when you're inevitably going to be disengaged and relationships are poor. Go to them with a plan on wrapping up/handing over your current work in your proposed timeframe.

I did this. I successfully negotiated reducing the 3 months notice under a toxic manager to 6 weeks and managed to also take some time off before I started the new job.

Radiatorvalves · 18/07/2024 15:50

Surely HR should be supporting you? The data indicates he’s not a great manager…

Original poster
theaplie · 18/07/2024 16:05

HR are scared of him, because he ultimately manages the HR manager and trained her.
I feel HR heard the conversation and realised that had to do something one way or another but chose to support him because it was the easy option for them personally.
But I am angry with them for choosing to go against what should be the core of HR is to have happy employees. My boss has been at the company a long time however and everyone is scared of him.

When he pulled me up on the conversation I cried, I said I have been stressed at home with the kids and unwell, which is true, but I couldn't bring myself to tell him what I really thought because if I did it would inevitably turn into an argument. So I chose to apologise and told him I was saying what she wanted to hear to try and get her to stay, which is partly true.

What's mad is he actually can't admit or see that he is the problem. Every single person that's left he's implied they were overly sensitive, or strange or incapable.

I've realised I probably need to go but i don't know whether to try and move forward for a month or 2, so it's blown over a bit. Or use this as an opportunity to get out.

OP posts:
DreadPirateRobots · 18/07/2024 16:08

Just cover your bets and do both? It's going to take you a while to have a new offer in hand, so make nice at work and job search like mad on your free time. Act like you're still stuck with him for a good long while, because you probably are, unless you're in a position to quit on the spot, which I wouldn't recommend unless you're sitting on a year's living expenses and/or in a hot field where you can get away with burning this particular bridge.

StormingNorman · 18/07/2024 16:10

Just brazen it out. Although HR siding with him gives him even more of a free pass to behave like a dick.

NoSquirrels · 18/07/2024 16:58

I've realised I probably need to go but i don't know whether to try and move forward for a month or 2, so it's blown over a bit. Or use this as an opportunity to get out.

These aren’t two different options - you can look for a new job now whilst hoping it blows over day to day. Job hunting isn’t instant - look for the right opportunity but start looking!

Vonesk · 24/07/2024 01:09

Why do you have a three month notice period..... Are they sacking you

Oblomov24 · 24/07/2024 02:29

Look for another job. Hand in your notice. Ask / Say you can only now work a months notice. What are they gonna do to you? There's little they can do.

FluffyLamkins · 24/07/2024 07:52

Apply for other jobs. Your contract states 3 months but not much they can do to force you to work it. They legally cannot withhold wages but they may hold back if you are due a bonus etc. they’d have to take you to court for breach of contract which they’ll never do because it’ll cost thousands and probably take longer to get to court than three months anyway. In my experience people just go regardless of what their contract says or they go off sick first so the employer wants them out. Whatever you do get out of there as it sounds toxic. HR should be investigating this not telling the manager. Good luck.

LlamaLoopy · 24/07/2024 08:08

I would be questioning how HR handled this - why did they go straight to him? If they were hearing this from you I would have thought they should have actually come to you first to discuss what you were saying about him? Was it a junior HR person … could you go to their boss to discuss your concerns and how you want it documented because of the actions of this HR person you feel he is going to make your life difficult and try to bully you until you resign (at least if he does you have set the scene)

DecoratingDiva · 24/07/2024 08:57

There is a whole load of toxic stuff going on in your workplace!

HR heard the conversation? How did that happen, were you shouting it out to the whole office or do HR have a habit of listening in on people’s private discussions?

And have told him what we said. That is very unprofessional of them, you weren’t making a formal complaint, you weren’t asking them to do anything, you weren’t even talking to them so it really is not on them to get involved.

Three month notice period is very normal so not a dealbreaker to getting a new job and you may be able to negotiate it down. If you have any outstanding vacation you can also use that to reduce your notice and there is the option of a week’s sick in there. The rate of staff turnover should reassure you that people are getting other jobs & the notice period is not a problem.

BTW the core of HR is not to have happy employees but to protect the company, keep that in mind with all your interactions with them.

evilharpy · 24/07/2024 09:04

3 month notice period is pretty standard in many industries (including mine) even for non-senior roles, and hiring employers will expect it. Great if you can negotiate it down when you resign, but really not an issue if you can't.

Schoolchoicesucks · 24/07/2024 09:23

Gently OP, you have been 2 faced as you have told her what you think she wants to hear and you have told him what you think he wants to. You haven't been honest either with him or with HR.

You have my sympathies as toxic work environments and Managers are dreadful. But slagging off a Manager in a place you can be overheard is not the way to deal with anything and I am surprised that HR aren't treating this as a disciplinary and/or investigating the reasons you said what you did.

Either way, he's awful, HR are ineffective and you don't want to be there anymore.

Look for another job. If work is too stressful either because he is being usual level toxic or he is being even more so after what you said, then prioritise your wellbeing. If that means being signed off then do that.

Ella19902 · 24/07/2024 22:02

I’ve recently started a new job where my new employer waited for me to work my 3 month notice period. I tried to negotiate it down to no avail. But new employers were excited to have me so waited. The right next company will wait for you :-)