I have to leave, don't I?

[HarpieDuJour]

I started a new job in December last year. At first it was really great. I enjoyed the work and everyone was nice.
After about a month, my boss started being really snarky with me, constantly nitpicking and every so often just yelling at me for maybe ten minutes at a time. I tried to just get on with my job, but we were all constantly walking on eggshells because nobody knew when he was going to have a go next, or who it would be who was the next victim, let alone what the excuse would be.
Three weeks ago, I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression, and the doctor signed me off for two weeks. Yesterday was my first day back and he had a go already. He also removed the tea break from my shift (but only mine), so everyone else gets a tea break but I don't. It isn't clear if I will be paid for this extra work time, but I'm expecting not.
I had been starting to feel better, and was seeing some hope, but yesterday on the way home from work I wanted to drive my car into a wall or off a cliff, and it was really frightening. I have a day off on Thursday, so I will see my GP if I can, but I really have to leave, don't I? People have complained about him before and he just made their lives even more miserable. I have a 4 week notice period, but I'm really, really temped to just refuse to go in again.
I wanted to get some perspective, I've always considered myself fairly resilient, and I don't know how to cope with not being able to cope, if you see what I mean. I thought that if I am just being a crybaby and need to suck it up, then this would be the place to hear that.

He sounds like a complete asshole. Poor you. Yeah I would want to get out of there. It's effecting your health. He has no right to shout at you. You can stand up to him. He sounds like a bully. I once walked into the bosses office and had a go at him 🤭

Do you work somewhere with a HR department - can you speak to them about his treatment of you? But yes ultimately your health and wellbeing is always more important than work.

Sounds like your leaving so nothing to lose by flagging this up I’d go above him and give your reasons for going

Leave. That's not normal behaviour in the workplace and I'm surprised you've put up for it as long as you have. Put yourself and your health first. I was recently diagnosed with anxiety and was signed off work for a few weeks. I have to most brilliant and supportive boss and colleagues but going back was still tough. I can't imagine trying to return to work in such a toxic workplace

I would go back to the drs and get signed off, that'll give you some breathing space at least. I would also speak to HR (email them so you have evidence) and think about raising a grievance. If you are in a union then speak your them as well.

I've been in a similar position and non of this is easy, but from experience your mental health won't improve working for a bully and being in that environment unless your bosses behaviour is addressed.

Only you can make the decision to leave or not - and I feel you’ve already made it.

I’m concerned about the reference to driving your car into a wall etc. - Please, if you feel this way again, reach out to Samaritans. Always there for you (hug) .

I left a job because the boss was victimising me. I had a sudden mindset change, life was too short and I left. I was broken by the time I left.

Bless you. Definitely leave. He sounds awful. You can give the reasons if you want to or you can just wash your hands of it and never speak to them again.

Leave now.

yesterday on the way home from work I wanted to drive my car into a wall or off a cliff, and it was really frightening.

This requires emergency action (leaving work) because, even if this was 'just' an impulse in the moment, it is your mind's way of telling you it is in real trouble.

Thank you all. I'm a bit wrung-out right now, but I will be back to update later.

get signed off again, raise a complaint with HR. If you feel you have to go on, take the power trip off him by smiling and thinking fuck you, I’m going soon and you can’t make me feel bad, it’s very empowering. Apply for new jobs x

Get yourself signed off again and hand in your notice. No-one should have to put up with this sort of workplace bullying.

I would be speaking to someone above his head! He needs bringing down a peg or two.

I went in yesterday because I wanted to give it one last try. I thought I could ask about the tea break thing, and just clarifiy if I was going to be paid for the extra work time. He started shouting at me again, and I left. I just couldn't face it any more. I sent an email to his boss and apparently caused a massive shitstorm, but I don't want to go back (area manager wants to work it out, but complaints have been made before and nothing changed).
There is an investigation being launched, they want a detailed statement from me and other staff. I have no idea if the others will back me up, and I don't want to rake over every last thing for the past 7 months or so. I'll have to think about it all, but first I need to catch up on some sleep.

So glad you have gone.
The statements etc are likely to be tough but it's the right thing - you are not the first, it seems. This might just stop for others if you go through these processes and are truthful.
Something that always comes into my head and doesn't get round my own arguments for long: in laboratory mice, the ones that develop ulcers etc are the ones put under stress, but without being given the conditions to be able to escape or run away from it.
Put other mice under stress but allow environment features that give an escape from it, and their health will be markedly better.
(NB I'm not an animal technician and have no first-hand experience of this, nor want to.)

I would get some sleep and see how you feel. Giving a statement will be helpful, but at the same time I would think about yourself and whether the stress of all this will make you feel worse in terms of mental health. Also if people have complained before and nothing has happened then my gut feeling is that nothing will be done. I know this sounds defeatist, but ultimately you can't work around someone like that and need to put yourself first.

Glad you left, no one deserves that from anyone let alone your boss.

Please speak out, it will help others who are too afraid to speak up and future employees.

Sometimes companies are aware of staff behaviours but their hands are tied until an official complaint is made.

About 11 years ago we had a senior employee who thought he was invincible. He fabricated a lot of truths and the self importance was beyond your wildest imagination.
There was rumours that he was horrible to his team but to everyone else he was the big I AM and flirting with all the ladies. I didn't buy it tho. Then one day I was completing a task and one of the items was discontinued and we just couldn't make it anymore, however he'd just "sold" to a customer that it was a forever item and I was to get this to them. However this was just impossible, he didn't answer the phone to me after multiple attempts and emails ignored. Eventually I had to explain to the customer direct who took it well and said ok, we'll choose another. No problem... except he went off his nut. Shouting and screaming down the phone at me, saying how dare I speak to his customer etc etc making him out to look stupid etc etc
I hung up on this call and he called back and told me I was sacked and not to bother coming back. He wasn't my boss so I spoke to mine and she confirmed that I am not sacked, he has no authority over me however she recommended I put it all in writing and make an official complaint.
I did that the next day.
Within the week he was gone. Turns out they were building a case against him and my complaint was the final nail in his coffin.
I was thanked by senior management and given support that I wasn't expecting