I hate my boss

[Cherryblossom200]

Hi all,

The title says it all. My boss is a nightmare bully.

Before I started working at my current company I had a another job offer on the table. One I was happy with, but this offer came my way and the money was better and I was able to work from home full time which suited me better. But tbh I had a bad feeling about my manager and her manager, both were odd - I couldn't put my finger on it but there was something strange about them.

Because I had a job offer on the table, I used it to really push for good terms and I was very clear from the get go that I wanted a good work life balance as I didn't have this in my last position. My manager knew that I have a young child and that I wouldn't be working long hours.

My role is high pressured (project management) from the moment I log on I'm not really left alone. It's full on so by 5.00 I'm done and then I'm on mum duty.

My manager has a history of being critical, she escalates things if she isn't happy with something ALL a the time and eventually the person leaves or is pushed out. She's not a happy person, all she does is complain. She's that type of person.

I found out about a few months ago that my company wouldn't be renewing its contract with my client, odd decision but their choice! Everyone affected was told at least two months before myself, I was literally the last to find out despite the fact that I am the lead on the account. So my job is at risk, although I'm being told I would be tuped. Not sure if that's for me! The contract comes to an end towards the end of next year so I have time to find something else.

My bosses behaviour recently has been dreadful. My client had a job mid week when it was the day of the last England game, it ran the whole night through. As I mentioned before my role is a typical 9-5 job, when my client asked for someone to cover the night I didn't put my name forward. My manager gets paid for overtime, I don't and she also mentioned when I started in the company that the nights are what she gets paid for. She seemed really annoyed that I wouldn't work the night shift, it would have meant I would have worked all day, all night any then the following day with virtually no sleep!

I booked the day off on Friday to watch my daughter's sports day in the morning, and then go off camping later in the afternoon. I didn't have a full days leave left - only 75% of the day, so I needed to work a couple of hours. Which I had no problem doing. I put my normal out of office on. And told my manager on a weekly team call I would log on just after lunch and work those hours I owed.

I logged on as planned around 1.00, to find an email from my manager cc'ing in her manager who incidentally is a friend of hers. Saying that she was a bit confused as I only had booked off 75% day and that she had expected me to at least be on the 9.30 team call and work part of the day. She did a screen shot of my out of office, and included a picture of my holiday form. She sent the email around 10.00am! She didn't even wait to check if I would log on later in the day.

I have NEVER given my manager reason to believe I lazy, I am hard worker.

I wrote back at 1.00 saying that I thought I made it clear that I would be logging in after lunch and work before I go camping. I honestly couldn't believe the pettiness of my manager to copy in her boss/friend.

She is an absolute bit*h of a woman.

It completely spoiled the first day of my camping trip, I left feeling so angry it barely felt worthwhile going. My manager loves making people feel bad, it's her thing.

Tomorrow I'm dreading work, I left feeling sick on Friday. I don't know what to do, should I just keep a low profile and move on? Or let HR know and just ask for it to be noted. I doubt this will change anything though.

They need me in the role as it's hard to train on, plus no one wouldn't come into my role knowing there is only really 1 year left working in company. So she's playing a very odd game. She's been in the company for 25 years, doesn't know anything else. She has no manager experience and it shows.

She sounds passive aggressive and pathetic.

If your plan is to move on then I'd probably keep my head down and focus on my existing plans, but keep a record of what was going on just in case I needed it.

There's not much point going to battle with someone like that in my experience. HR won't do anything about her being passive aggressive or lacking managerial skills.

Thanks, will do.

I can't tell if she's trying to get me to leave which makes no sense as they need me. She's nuts.

I don't tend to bite back, I just stay out of the drama. But this was enough. Especially as I nearly lost my dad recently, he has Alzheimer's and she knows that. Recently he was in hospital with pneumonia, I continued working attending meetings and not making a fuss. She never asked once how my dad was doing or if I was ok.

Keep factual notes on incidents with dates and times in case you need them whilst looking for a new role.

But also notes of successes and deliverables you’ve achieved and don’t let her distract you from your job search.

Ok I'll keep a copy of these emails. Because I'm hoping it makes her look bad and not myself.

Any idea what she is playing at?

She sounds like someone I used to work for. She was just a shit manager with no empathy or social skills.

She would have behaved like this simply because she had no perspective or humanity and was focused on being "right" and powerful.

I'm sorry about your dad. Family is more important than work and I'm sorry you don't have a more supportive manager. I hope you can find a job somewhere that will treat you decently.

Thank you Attic 🙏

She should understand better than anyone as her dad died of Alzheimer's too. The team were lovely and supportive to her, something she just doesn't seem to understand.

But then one of my first conversations I had with her when I was first employed is how her mum is narcissistic, she's disabled and wishes she would die. This is her own mum. So I don't think I can expect to be treated better.

This is what my manager is like. She literally goes through every member of the team in rotation and has someone who she dislikes that month. She does everything she can to tear that person down, then she moves onto the next one. She also had no managerial experience before this role. She is someone who likes to control everything and I do think there is an element of insecurity. If she wasn't such an arsehole I'd have some sympathy for her.

I think you have to disconnect totally from her, literally ignore and focus on your career. Set your goals, probably the first being to find a new job or an exit from her orbit.

Look into the grey rock approach and remove all emotion from this. If she starts complaining or trying to make you feel bad just ignore her. Try a "mmmm, ok" response to everything.

I had a boss like this, I was so silly I let it make me sick thinking that she actually could affect my career. I learnt that I affect my career, she can't touch me even if she tries

I am assuming you are female. One thing I want to say to all female employees is stop being so bloody conscientious. Forget about telling yourself how good and loyal a worker you are, it will do you zero favours long term.
They won't care, no-one will, just focus on your performance, your wellbeing, your mental health, your income and climbing away from toxic people.

Completely agree @PattyDuckface - well said.

I have sent you a PM.

Thanks so much everyone. You're all helping massively.

Yes I'm a woman. My only issue is my age, I'm late forties and concerned this will go against me looking for a new job!

One thing I want to say to all female employees is stop being so bloody conscientious. Forget about telling yourself how good and loyal a worker you are, it will do you zero favours long term.

Excellent advice!

Thanks! You're all being amazing!

I honestly think it makes them feel better as they are so messed up and unhappy with their lives.

I've adopted the grey rock attitude and I do have to say it feels great. I'm just being polite, but I'm not going over an above on anything - I just don't care anymore.

This is the thing, a good manager would give praise and see you get in return happy employees who WILL go over and above for you. My manager is too thick to realise this.

So my manager has now called me into a meeting tomorrow to discuss an issue which took place on Friday when I was out.

I sent an email to her on Thursday giving a handover and explaining that this issue might crop up.

My client is being really difficult and have escalated to the head of my company with totally unrealistic deadlines.

Yet somehow my manager is trying to spin this around to being my fault.

She is being relentless. Literally not stopping. She sent me the invite right at the end of the day so that would spend the whole evening worrying.

I've compiled emails as proof for my meeting tomorrow.

I've spoken to a colleague and he said that my manager doesn't want me to leave, they would be is a mess if I left.

So I'm not sure what she is playing at.

I'm going to listen to what she has to say, but not sure how to respond. I don't know if I should say yes, yes yes and say noted and not bother to try and defend myself. Which feels unfair really but I'm so sick of her 😬

Don't be put on the spot to respond.

Tell her thanks for the feedback however you have a different view on it and will collate your response and get back to her.

Ok thanks 🙏