I don’t think I fit in

[VirginiaGirl]

Started new job just over a year ago in an industry completely new to me. I still spend many days with a lump in my throat worrying that I don’t understand something or have got something wrong (I still make mistakes). I don’t feel that I fit in. I am older than most of my colleagues, they're all good friends and there are days they'll all talk but not to me. I just sit there and get on with my work. I am quite introverted, I suppose.

I work closely with a younger colleague who has been there longer and staff always approach her to ask fir her help, not me so I really worry I have a reputation for not being good at the job.

It is a good job for me on paper but I find it quite mundane with a complete lack of creativity, which I sorely miss. I used to work unsociable hours, this job is 9-5 Mon-Fri which is better for me.

Anyone relate? Any tips? I drove home again feeling close to tears. I left my last job after a year, so feel I should give this longer. Before that I worked somewhere for 12 years.

People may think you like like to be left in peace. Do you join in the conversations they are having?

I do, depending on the tooic of conversation. They meet up outside of work and are all 20 years younger than me with young children (I have older teens) so it is tricky. I do like them all very much.

That sounds really tough - driving home feeling that that.

I work with a group of colleagues all 20-25 years younger than me. I do miss having grown up company but the way I find to make the most of it is to ask questions about them and I get to enjoy hearing their stories. In my case it’s usually their latest dates etc, maybe with your colleagues it’s stories about their young kids.

its not the same as having good company from people closer in age or with similar interests but it’s enjoyable and sometimes nice being around high energy.

i feel like their funny auntie at times and I find it important to catch up with friends who value my company and remind myself I’m not just middle aged and frumpy.

I work closely with a younger colleague who has been there longer and staff always approach her to ask fir her help, not me so I really worry I have a reputation for not being good at the job.

I doubt it has anything to do with your competence or reputation. It will just be that she's been there longer and they're used to asking her.

In terms of the general chitchat if you're introverted (and also anxious most of the time?) they may just think you're happier on the sidelines.

It's difficult being the only one who's much older and/or at a different life stage / different circumstances to everyone else, but it doesn't say anything about who you are as a person or your value.

Why are you getting so worried about making mistakes? Are they life-and-death or mission critical mistakes? I have colleagues I greatly respect who've worked in our industry for decades. They still make mistakes sometimes because they're human.