maternity/sickness - employer giving me grief

[deb1972]

Hello, I wonder if anyone has any advice to give me, I am in a bind at work. I hope this makes sense.

I am 20 weeks pregnant and was told by my boss (on request by me after taking union advice) that I was allowed to work from home when I was feeling not 100% well enough to travel on the tube, come in to work etc, but was still perfectly well enough to work at home without danger to my health. You know how it is, some mornings when you have not slept or feel ill, and just cant get up and dressed and out (1 hr on the tube), but would be able to work at home on the computer and save working time in the process.

I was off sick recently with a cold, ear infection and allergy to antibiotics given to me for the ear infection. This was not pregnancy related (apart from the fact these were the only antibiotics I could take whilst pregnant), but it added to the time off I had taken for pregnancy related illness and also to the times I spent working at home (which my boss had said was ok).

I was off sick yesterday (one day) with a non pregnancy related illness again and my boss just called me into his office. He said he was concerned at the amount of time I had taken off sick, and he mentioned in the same sentence the time I had taken to work from home (which he had previously agreed would be ok "now and then" if I felt I needed to because of feeling tired/sick etc because of the pregnancy)

He said to me (amongst other things):

"I have been very patient"
"Some people have difficult pregnancies"
"I dont know whether you have been off for pregnancy related reasons or not" - this is not true, I have told him every time I have been off sick exactly what the matter was, and these were logged on our sickness database as such.
"I am just seeing if we need to refer you" - to what? I asked - no answer.
"We need cover in the office, others are taking time off before you go on maternity leave and I am not always here myself"

I said to him I didnt know what to say to him - that he had previously said that if I was sick, I was NOT to work from home because if you are sick you are sick, and so I had not been doing so. I also said to him that we had previously agreed that I was able to work from home as and when I needed to if I felt ropey (but not OFF SICK, just ropey), and he said that this would be ok, even though I mentioned to him at the time that I was not able to exactly predict when I would be feeling unwell, and so would not be able to give him much notice. Which he seemed to be ok about at the time.

He seemed to be pushing about asking if my absence has been pregnancy related or not. I kept on telling him that no, it wasnt, it had recently been a cold/ear infection/allergy to antibiotics, which I could not help, and that all the times before, I had been working from home as agreed with him previously, NOT sick but just not 100% up to coming into the office.

I have only had one day off for pregnancy related illness since I got pregnant, the rest of my time off (7 days) was this cold that I couldnt shake and the added complications from the allergy to antibiotics.

Sorry if this doesnt make sense - happy to clarify anything if needed, I am waiting for the union to get back to me, but I know this can be a muddy area. My boss is not well known for his professional manner and has had grievances etc against him in the past so he has a history of this behaviour. Also our HR Dept are no good as they are in his pocket.

Many thanks for any advice anyone has, I am furious and upset and dont know how to tackle this - if I should at all.

Perhaps the reason he's trying to determine what you were off sick for is that after a certain point they can force you to start your maternity leave if you are off sick with pg related illness - its not as early as 20 weeks though.

By saying he's looking at referring you - I am assuming he means occupational health.

As for the working from home part, if he's agreed it he shouldnt complain. Could other members of staff be commenting and he's getting the brunt of it? Maybe he thought it was going to be just for one odd day etc and not a regular thing.

Need to clarify. He has said he's concerned at the amount of time you are taking off. Depending on how much time you've taken off, that might be perfectly reasonable. But what was the conclusion of the discussion? He's said he's concerned, but what's he doing about it, what action if any?

'Referring' you would probably mean to occupational health of some sort to establish whether there was any additional support you need/what you capabilities for work realistically are, and what your employer should be doing. Him wanting to be very sure whether or not the illness is pg-related is reasonable of him as it may be handled differently if it is.

How many days at home for feeling ropey have you had?

Hi flowerybeanbag and thanks so much for the advice, I really appreciate it.

I have had had one day off for feeling pregnancy-ropey, early on in the pregnancy, the rest of my time off was 2 days here and 3 days here due to the cold. I have worked from home no more than 2 days a week since he agreed it, and that has not been every week, just as and when I felt I needed to.

The conversation got left with no outcome, and I was too upset to push for a conclusion (I know I should have). It seemed to me that he just wanted to vent, say his bit and imply that I needed to be here more often and stop being off sick, but he couldnt/didnt actually say that. Once he had said his piece he left it.

Yes, he has said in the past that other members of staff had been commenting about me - funnily enough, they are members of staff who work from home a lot more often than I do, albeit planned in advance, which is not the case for me. He also told me that some members of staff had said things about my absence/working from him, but when I spoke to them (they are friends of mine but he doesnt know that we are that close) they said that they had never spoken to him. This has happened a good few times.

thanks again for the advice, I really do appreicate it and I am so grateful,

deb x

I think his agreement to you working from home when you aren't feeling up to travelling or whatever was good, but if you've been doing this up to twice a week, I imagine he's feeling as though this good will has been taken advantage of. I doubt the 7 days off sick, pg-related or otherwise, is really the issue, it's the total time away from the office, lots of which is pg-related (although not sickness).

I have some sympathy with him if I'm honest. Planning is difficult and as you've said, when you are working from home obviously it's not something that can be planned for.

I agree he probably wanted to vent but nothing came of it because he realises he is in a tricky situation if he wants to actually do anything.

I would suggest you take the initiative and ask to meet him. Say you understand he has some concerns about how much time you are having away from the office, point out that very little of this is being off sick, so you are working during this time. Say you appreciate that you have been given this flexibility (which by the way lots of people don't get) and understand that it is difficult for him and the rest of the team because of the fact that it can't be planned. Say you would like to have a chat about the situation to work out a way forward for both of you.

From your point of view, would prearranged days at home help? If you knew you wouldn't have to travel all the time, it might make it easier to do so on the other days, for example. Perhaps suggest that- maybe one day a fortnight or a week where it is arranged you work from home, so everyone knows, it can be planned around and you know you will get at least one day when you can take it a bit easier and recuperate a bit.

At the moment you are feeling upset and a bit victimisd, he is feeling a bit peed off and frustrated because he doesn't feel he can do anything. Rather than both of you continue to feel like this, try and find some middle ground which suits you both.

I agree with Flowery (but then she always gives good advice) - two days a week unplanned from home is probably not what he had in mind when he made the offer. I know it would affect our department greatly if a member of staff did that but then again I cant see that our bosses would agree to it in the first instance - the odd day maybe but not just bacause we were tired etc.

Your colleagues may have said something or made comment but are unlikely to own up to it.

I think what flowerybeanbag has said is right.

It's tough when you're pregnant. At my work I have quite an understanding boss but have made an effort not to be off more than necessary (for ante-natal appts etc) because of the burden then placed on him and others. I am sort of saving up my favours for when/if I really need them, when/if I get sick or immobile. As has been said, unplanned days working from home when you don't feel like getting up or getting on the tube are probably hard for the rest of the office to work around. But I think approaching him and being straight with him as flowery says is the best route.

Sorry you've been ill and good luck with the rest of your preg!

Thought of something to add - could you arrange to come in late sometimes, or go home early so that you are in work at least most of the day but not all your commuting is done at peak times? Might be an alternative suggestion to the days when you're not 100%.

Yup, I agree with the others. I think that when he made the offer regarding working from home, he probably thought you meant a couple of times a month. You probably thought that he meant a lot more. The miscommunication means that he thinks that you're taking the mick and you think you're being treated unfairly for something that was agreed.

I think you need to sit down with him and work this out. Unless it's a team with lots of ad hoc and unwarned working from home (which your comments suggest it isn't), this is probably really disruptive for the rest of your team, even though I know you don't mean it to be. If you sit down with him as Flowery suggested, he might be very willing to agree far more home working with it being pre-planned. That would help you (it's easier to get through Wednesday if you know you can work in your pj's on Thursday, even if you do feel iffy) and it would help him plan.

There is also a lot of cynicism about home working still. Are you in lots of contact with him when you're working from home. Is it clear that you're not "working from home" (the inverted commas being code in some offices for "dossing about watching Trisha whilst pretending to write an important report")? Does he get swift responses to emails, etc. I would prioritise doing that when you're at home, even if it seems less urgent than other jobs.

I think he sounds like, at a fundamental leve,l he's a decent guy who wants to help. Try working with him in an open way as Flowery suggests. If he's then a shit you'll have our blessing to get cross!

Hello everyone, thanks SO much for taking the time to read and give such constructive replies to my slightly garbled message. I was so upset and shocked yesterday that I couldn't think straight at all, but your words and advice have really got me thinking straight now. Seems that the conversation I had with him yesterday was about 2 things that got merged and muddled - one is my being off sick, and the other is me working at home - they are not the same thing, but he was treating them like they were.

So I am going to speak to him, point out that I HAVE been working when I have been "working at home", that the sickness is a separate issue, that I am grateful that I CAN work from home and that I understand he has concerns, and that it might be more helpful if we had a planned day once a week that I could work from home. I will let you know how it all goes.

Thanks so much again for all your positive and helpful comments, I can now see this a lot more clearly!! dx