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Original poster

Am I witnessing a colleague being bullied at work.

29 replies

Witness65 · 03/07/2024 22:08

A colleague at work is having a really hard time with a bunch from another team. It’s very hard to describe, it’s all almost above board nit picking but verging on bullying, I think.

They are isolating her and 1 of them has made an official complaint regarding a comment she made, nothing offensive, it was part of a concern regarding work.

The issue is I know the group call her viscous names and horrible nicknames. I also know they actively have been trying to get rid of her from working in their team for a while.

I don’t know what to do as neither team have anything to do with me but i feel so guilty knowing all this is going on.

OP posts:
Allwelcone · 03/07/2024 22:19

Well if you say nothing maybe you're 'standing by' which is a form of bullying albeit once removed. What would the procedure be if you whistle-blow? Would you suffer consequences? Could you speak to the victim amd encourage them to take steps themselves,?

or was yr question more about whether it's bullying or not....

katebushh · 03/07/2024 22:42

I'd discreetly as possible tell the most senior person I trusted / knew.

Original poster
Witness65 · 03/07/2024 23:18

Allwelcone · 03/07/2024 22:19

Well if you say nothing maybe you're 'standing by' which is a form of bullying albeit once removed. What would the procedure be if you whistle-blow? Would you suffer consequences? Could you speak to the victim amd encourage them to take steps themselves,?

or was yr question more about whether it's bullying or not....

This is what I feel, I’m as bad for knowing but worried I can’t take them on either.

I personally view it as a gang against 1 person actively setting out to find ways to drive her out.

Im going to look at the whistle blowing policy.

OP posts:
Atethehalloweenchocs · 03/07/2024 23:53

I was talking to someone today who was bullied out of a job and one of the hardest things for them was knowing that people saw it but did not do anything to help. Agree go to the most senior trusted manager you can and tell them you are concerned.

mamakoukla · 03/07/2024 23:55

Someone politely correcting the person who bullied me remains a cherished memory. If possible, speak with someone you trust about this.

Thank you for caring for this person

LameBorzoi · 04/07/2024 00:01

Is this person aware that you know any of this? I've been the bullied person, and the best thing anyone did for me was pulling me aside and saying " I saw what they did and it isn't ok" . If you are being bullied, you start to think you are the cause. Someone helping you to see that the bullying isn't your fault can be really helpful

Lostworlds · 04/07/2024 00:04

I would look into the whistle blowing policy and would speak to hr.
This person needs support and it seems like you’re the person who can help them.

If you feel comfortable then I’d also do what @LameBorzoi suggested and chat to them. A friendly chat can really turn their day around make them feel less isolated.

Gingernaut · 04/07/2024 00:23

The problem is, unless the bullied person complains, HR won't do anything

When I saw someone being bullied, I complained and was told that the bullied must report the issue, not a witness

You could try to support her in making a claim

AbraAbraCadabra · 04/07/2024 02:35

Having been bullied myself, there is no way I could sit there and watch this and do nothing. Personally I'd go straight to HR, or to someone in senior management, whoever felt the most appropriate given the organisation I was working for. That is fucking disgusting behaviour from adults.

AbraAbraCadabra · 04/07/2024 02:39

Gingernaut · 04/07/2024 00:23

The problem is, unless the bullied person complains, HR won't do anything

When I saw someone being bullied, I complained and was told that the bullied must report the issue, not a witness

You could try to support her in making a claim

That's an absolute cop out from HR. Once something like that has been reported I would argue that as soon as they know about it, they need to do something to ensure the health and safety of that employee.

ACAS say the complaint can come from anyone:

www.acas.org.uk/handling-a-bullying-discrimination-complaint

Agapornis · 04/07/2024 03:21

Please report it to HR/trusted senior person, but also speak to the person concerned. Offer that you've heard what's going on, and you're willing to back them in any complaint they might want to make.
I wish I'd had a colleague willing to stand up for me when I was being bullied and my union was unresponsive.

elvive · 04/07/2024 03:45

Loving the viscous names ;)

Debbiehv · 05/07/2024 19:41

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Itsoundslikeme · 05/07/2024 23:14

Hi. Your colleague that’s being bullied sounds a lot like me. I am being isolated, and the credit for my work is been given to the managers favourite under various reasons. I complained about something to HR and they never did anything, just informed the Manager and asked me to talk to her. I haven’t spoken to the union yet, not sure if they will help me. What should I do besides leaving?

elvive · 06/07/2024 04:12

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What? We have a date on Tuesday?

Aintnosupermum · 06/07/2024 04:58

I have witnessed bullying at work and a few times I was the one bullied. When I witness it I have a quiet word and help them find a new role outside of the company.

As the person bullied it’s because you are different (female, mother of 3 in peripheral role on trading floor so I could be more present for my children) and normally pointing things out they don’t want to hear. One guy went after me and the attacks were from people who worked for him. It was awful and such a toxic environment. There was no point saying anything because the more you fight back the more people jump on the bandwagon. I got myself an excellent package after the idiot admin sent me the payroll report that I used as evidence to sue them for pay discrimination. I was paid 60% less than my peers. I got a very nice pay out.

On another thread someone said would you do x for £180k. I earn more than this now and being bullied was a pivotal moment in my career. The bullying sucked but I grew from it. Now I’m nice to people at work but I keep huge parts of me private now and if I don’t like someone I don’t give a shit. I cut them out of my professional life like a cancer because I refuse to allow toxicity into my department. I’ll be very nice to them but they never get a favour, they never get more than the basic level of civility. Since taking this approach I’m a lot more respected.

Fraaahnces · 06/07/2024 05:00

I’ve been there. It’s awful. I couldn’t eat or sleep. My hair fell out in clumps. I’m a really kind, dynamic person. The organization knew this. They had form. Every single newbie. They were like cancer. Ew…
Speak to your TL/Manager. Take above them. See if you can get them out of that team.

daisychain01 · 06/07/2024 05:24

The issue is I know the group call her viscous names and horrible nicknames. I also know they actively have been trying to get rid of her from working in their team for a while.

to make this credible, you need to be specific about what you know and have witnessed. So if you actually saw / heard the group calling their victim viscous names and nicknames, you need to describe the circumstances, how you heard them, how it was that you were able to witness it first hand in their presence "fly on the wall" rather than a participant. Eg if you were in an open plan office.

if HR get a whiff that you're reporting this second or third hand (eg via office gossip) they won't take it anywhere nearly as seriously as if you were there at the scene,

Guavafish1 · 06/07/2024 05:27

point her towards a union.

Ask her to write everything down.

TidyDancer · 06/07/2024 06:30

I couldn't ignore this. I was bullied out of a job not that long ago and it hurt that no one stood up and said anything despite witnessing it (and admitting so later and apologising). In my case I was also ganged up on and lied about. I was left with PTSD and anxiety that I'm still dealing with now. It would've meant everything to me if someone was brave enough to report how I was being victimised.

Lou197 · 06/07/2024 18:41

Aintnosupermum · 06/07/2024 04:58

I have witnessed bullying at work and a few times I was the one bullied. When I witness it I have a quiet word and help them find a new role outside of the company.

As the person bullied it’s because you are different (female, mother of 3 in peripheral role on trading floor so I could be more present for my children) and normally pointing things out they don’t want to hear. One guy went after me and the attacks were from people who worked for him. It was awful and such a toxic environment. There was no point saying anything because the more you fight back the more people jump on the bandwagon. I got myself an excellent package after the idiot admin sent me the payroll report that I used as evidence to sue them for pay discrimination. I was paid 60% less than my peers. I got a very nice pay out.

On another thread someone said would you do x for £180k. I earn more than this now and being bullied was a pivotal moment in my career. The bullying sucked but I grew from it. Now I’m nice to people at work but I keep huge parts of me private now and if I don’t like someone I don’t give a shit. I cut them out of my professional life like a cancer because I refuse to allow toxicity into my department. I’ll be very nice to them but they never get a favour, they never get more than the basic level of civility. Since taking this approach I’m a lot more respected.

This is very good advice, I feel I have been bullied at work, our CEO did nothing despite loads of other complaints about this individual and their department. It has left me feeling really isolated and unmotivated in a very high pressure role. I handed in my notice and am now looking for another job - but I will def follow your advice in my next role.

Bleurfghjj · 06/07/2024 18:49

Absolutely bullying. I would report to HR in writing so it’s on record.

MargaretThursday · 06/07/2024 22:16

Atethehalloweenchocs · 03/07/2024 23:53

I was talking to someone today who was bullied out of a job and one of the hardest things for them was knowing that people saw it but did not do anything to help. Agree go to the most senior trusted manager you can and tell them you are concerned.

Having recently left a job due to bullying, I'd echo that.

In my case I've had a constant stream of people contacting me since I left and saying that they saw it and apologising for not saying anything. If just one or two had been prepared to stand up and say it then I think the situation would have been different because the bullies are very much about their public image so would have caved quickly if told that there were witnesses.

As it is the situation hasn't changed. The bullies are still bullying just different people and the management (or mis-management) have either resigned because the bullies won't listen to them (and yes, they have said that openly) or sticking their fingers in their ears shouting "they say they're not bullying so they can't be".
I don't think the situation will change until they've left now because if anyone says anything about them bullying the mis-management replies with "they're not, we looked into it with Margaret and no one saw it"...

PicklePieMyOhMy · 07/07/2024 06:53

Do you work for NHS?
IME reporting bullying is a waste of time. Bullies stick together and they’re protected by management and they have chums in the HR department. Nasty people!
The colleagues who witness it and don’t say anything are bystanders. They are worse than the bullies and they’re not interested in stopping the culture of bullying and that is why it exists.
The best thing your colleague can do is to move on and find another job.
The bullies will miss their pathetic power play and find another victim and the cycle will continue.

Noseybookworm · 08/07/2024 11:36

I think your first step is to speak to the person concerned - she is probably afraid 😔 say that you've noticed some things going on that concerned you and offer her your support. She will be more likely to want to report it if you are prepared to back her up.