Would you take this job?

[CherryBangBang]

I'm in two minds.

It's being the 1-1 carer for a 50 year old lady who suffered a catastrophic brain injury as a baby.

She has no personal care needs, no mobility issues and she is very active.

The role involves never ever leaving her alone, not even for a second and accompanying her to swimming, and to her voluntary roles

She works twice a week in two retail outlets. Her work is voluntary and involves just a couple of hours straightening the shelves (which she apparently loves to do) and the carer role is to stand by her side, offering encouragement and making sure shes happy and eyes on her at all times

The remainder of the job role is taking her to places. She loves visiting towns, going shopping, having a coffee , theme parks etc etc

The money is reasonably decent too.

However , having met her (with her mum) I'm torn. She is very anxious and needs constant reassuring. Her brain injury is such that she will repeat herself constantly. You cannot use any words that trigger her (such as 'hurry up' or 'let's go now' for example). She has severe OCD so I would always have to park the car with the wheels straight and perfectly aligned all round. (I'm not the world's greatest reverse Parker!) She will not accept you even glancing at your personal mobile as it makes her agitated. (However she understands a work mobile is allowed)

And - crucially - the hours seem a little ... vague. It's 18 hours , over 3 days, 9.15/3pm BUT if she decided she'd like to pop to a shop / go for a cake etc at say, 2:45pm, this is expected to be accommodated - along with ad hoc evenings for a cinema trip and weekends to drive to different towns etc

I'm not entirely sure what I'm asking. I met her and she's a lovely lady, BUT she's HIGHLY anxious and I worry I wouldn't be able to keep her happy and stress free (I'd sat down for the chat with her mum and her too, and popped my handbag by my thigh on the chair as I sat down and this stressed her because bags do not belong on a chair.
Of course I moved it to where she was happy with but I suppose I'm concerned that I'm going to inadvertently make a lot of errors like this and the last thing I'd want is to upset or worry her

Any thoughts? Thank you

@CherryBangBang
You commented on my work post earlier so returning the favour lol

Personally I don't think this is something I could stomach , I have anxiety myself and I was getting nervous just reading your post 😂

As you and others have said, accept the trial and I'm sure it will be apparent after that !.

I could do with someone with me constantly, so if all else fails ....I can't run to £15 an hour but I could treat you to a coffee and a decent chat 😂😂

@Lozlet 😀😀😀 Look, let's call it a tenner an hour and you've got a deal!

And yes - I quite often drive around marvelling that I'm just out here, totally unsupervised, so online knows how this will pan out!

But I'm taking the advice and I'll know if this is going to be a go-er after Monday. I've agreed Friday, 2 hours on Sunday and Monday morning

That wouldn’t be something I would be able to handle, I did something similar years ago as a companion to a university student who had severe epilepsy and it wasn’t for me. I did my best but she very much resented having to have someone on close stand by all day (I don’t blame her, she was 18 and away from home for the first time) and her condition meant she had no diplomacy when it came to telling me to back off, which I couldn’t. It was hard, but I had no way of knowing how hard until I’d tried it. I lasted about a month.

If you’re genuinely in two minds why not do a day or two as a (paid) trial and see how you feel. This job is 100% about how you get on with your client on a personal level so you need to know before you sign anything.

@CherryBangBang
I'm sure you will do just great , even if you don't enjoy it ....at least you've got yourself out there and tried !

You will have to let us know how you get on ! Xx

the hours seem a little ... vague. It's 18 hours , over 3 days, 9.15/3pm BUT if she decided she'd like to pop to a shop / go for a cake etc at say, 2:45pm, this is expected to be accommodated

I'm also unsure about how I nip to the loo or grab a break. She cannot be left for a single second ever

there's been an awful lot [of other carers] who have come and gone

Hell no. I wouldn't take it. Theyre asking for a LOT, and £15 an hour isnt actually good money for the level of flexibility (all of it in one direction!) that they're asking for.

the more info you give I think her caring needs are not set up properly

I fully agree.

While it's definitely not the role for me, I would just add, do you know what the plans are for if and when her mother is not around? If this lady is in her 50's, then her mother must be at least 70's or even 80's.

I have a severely disabled sibling - much more severe than this lady, but my parents found her a care home for her when she was 20, as she was already becoming too much for my parents to care for when they were in their 50's, let alone 80s. As such it's all my DS has ever known really and it's home to her.

I really fear for this lady in the future when she may lose her mother and have to go into care.

It seems likely to me that her mother is assuming that everything is a one-way street in this job.

Just because her mum thinks this is how to behave with her (and I imagine it's how her mum does behave) it's totally unrealistic.

And the money would have to be a lot better for that level of fawning. Surely it's possible for the carer to visit the lavatory? It's illegal not to allow workers to do this.

It's unkind to refer to people with complex disabilities as if they belong in some kind of comedy freak show.

These type of needs aren't particularly extraordinary if you work with people with LD/Head injury. You will see similar any care home. You need a lot of patience but you should be given clear instructions and risk assessments about how to work with this person.

Her needs are certainly significant and I'm going to have to try it for a few days as a trial and see.

She has been assessed as having the capacity / processing skills of an 18 month old so this is quite some undertaking.

@Lincoln24 I think that the previous poster honestly wasn't referring to this actual lady as being some sort of butt of a joke - unless I've misunderstood. More the capacity for how this could pan out

I would of course treat her with nothing but kindness and respect. It's just whether I'm the right fit for her

* and name change - not a fail - just gone back to my usual one for posting cat related stuff

Name change fail?

The damage is to the left frontal lobe of the brain - not something I know much about and were caused by meningitis as a baby

When I read the part about the wheels having to be straight I knew I could not do it!

@TheShellBeach no - see my explanation below

Well the most obvious question is about going to the loo - once you have an agreed process in place you can check your phone in the loo (turn off notifications and synaptic sounds on your phone so she can't hear you checking them in the loo)

Definitely meet the other carer as she may be able to answer your questions

Not a hope in hell! Doesn't sound like a job I'd like to do at all! Way too restrictive!

Not only is £15 very low for what they're expecting you to do OP, you're also legally required to have a 20 mins break once every 6 hours.

I wouldn't do it for anything less than £25 and double that per hour for anything ad-hoc/overtime. That rate is still cheaper than hiring two carers.

How desperate are you?

Actually yes - £15/hr is peanuts for this.

This might be enough to put you off entirely! It sounds quite challenging an not an ideal set up... have a look at some other one to one roles available and you will see what I mean, "elderly lady with early onset dementia, likes to be active, will require some light cleaning, cooking abilities essential- needs driving license for trips to the golf club and local pub to meet friends. Car provided." To me, this sort of thing just sounds more enjoyable, especially as a first client.
You could also consider a few hours care work to get some experience- community, day center, nursing home. Even voluntary to see if you like the environment to start with.
But.. I could be entirely wrong- do your trial and see how you feel!

Also check on things like who pays if you go out for cake or to the cinema? Are you paid overtime if you work over.

for someone that like to adhere to rules I would expect the client to adhere to your working hours.

@Orangejuiceisgood I believe there is a purse that I'd be given and bits and pieces come out of that.

But I do need to clarify you're right. If we go to a cafe or for lunch - does my drink / snack come out of that? It must do surely?

What about mileage / fuel for your car.
Will you need "special" insurance as you'll be using it to transport a person "for work"
Will the travelling time be included in your working hours when you drive her back to her home?

Will you have a job description and contract?