Is my request unreasonable

[henmama]

My role is as a psychotherapist in small local charity. I have been in this role for 6 months, the first 3 months were part time. I was then offered a full time role.

The WFH policy is 60% office time 40% WFH. I have found that wfh so much better as the job is very emotionally and mentally draining. I save 3 hrs a day on my commute which saves me so much energy.
I am going through a lot in my personal life in terms of moving house and all the stress that goes with that, so I feel really stretched mentally and I feel on the road to burn out. As I have experienced this before and really don't want this to happen again (common in this line of work).
So I said all this to my manager and requested an extra day working from home, she said no its policy and they feel that I will get more support in the office than isolated at home.
I am really upset, as I love my role but feel really let down by the organisation, she said you need to talk to us more when your having a hard time as a solution. The charity is tiny 5 people.
I thought there was some flexibility in policy in the work place depending on each persons situation. Any experience of this or am I expecting too much?

You needs to make a formal working application setting out how it will benefit both you and the organisation.

Nope just a formal application you don't need to justify it they need to have one of these reasons to deny it

Employers can refuse an application for any of the following reasons:

1. extra costs that will damage the business
2. the work cannot be reorganised among other staff
3. people cannot be recruited to do the work
4. flexible working will affect quality
5. flexible working will affect performance
6. the business will not be able to meet customer demand
7. there’s a lack of work to do during the proposed working times
8. the business is planning changes to the workforce

Why take a job with 3h commute? Of course you are burning out, that is a huge chunk out of the day.

Wanting to do 4 days at home and only one in the office sounds very restrictive.

Can I mention, my job is counselling on the phone. It would not affect my work, and I do my job a lot better at home because I don't have a long commute. And I have energy after work to go for a run and do some sort of self care.

I work in a similar field, and I'm afraid I think your request is unreasonable.

You aren't considering the connections in the team. Having a therapist who is alone nearly all of the time is very far from ideal, and the fact that you're struggling actually means it's more important to have opportunities to be with your team.

I was there was a team, at the moment its 3 management staff(1 of whom is my manager) the others manage different projects in the organisation. They all sit at one end doing manager things. I don't have any colleagues, as one colleague works in the community and the other counsellor left 2 months ago. And that was because she was feeling isolated and not supported within the organisation. There is very much an 'us' and 'them' vibe. I could be in the office the whole day and the most I would get is a hello from them. The only other interaction is with the client. I would definitely be happy to be on the office if there was support but the dynamics are really not helping make my job/life any easier.

It's 3 days at home and 2 days from the office I'm requesting

I do think they should be considering your views on what supports your mental health. I find it quite worrying that a therapy organisation is telling you what you need to do for your own emotional wellbeing. It should be person centered. For some people office's do cause more burnout and the commute isn't great.
However, with you saying there are only 5 people maybe it is that the others benefit from support in the office and taking one person from 5 is a big difference so I think that could be a fair reason to not be flexible. They should be up front about that though if that is the real reason.
The waiting lists for mental health support are ridiculous so the organisation should be doing all it can to retain staff.

Sounds reasonable to me - presumably you know better than your colleagues what is best for yourself re stress / burnout / quality of your work. Quite patronising to tell you otherwise imo. On the other hand, if we all don't start going back into the offices more, who will rent the office spaces? And support Pret a Manger? Doesn't sound like you've considered corporate landlords or retailers at all tbh.

3 hours commuting a day was never going to be feasible in anything other than the very short term. And it sounds as if there are other issues at play too, which I suspect are probably driving your desire to work at home more than you are admitting. Sadly I think you are going to have to look for a new job.

I think it might make more sense to work nearer to home? A three hour commute doesn't sound sustainable

How is your supervision undertaken?

I'd raise that point in a constructive way. Most sensible managers know that time in the office needs to be meaningful

There are 2 ways to request this. One is a flexible working request, as per the above. The issue is others may request the same and they will end up with nobody working 60% in the office.

The other would be reasonable adjustment for a condition likely to be considered a disability under the Equality Act. That is much more about your personal situation, but the key word is “reasonable”.

It sounds like there's a problematic dynamic in the team.

While that's not ok, it won't get better if you avoid being together.

You might be well placed to talk openly about the team relationships with your manager colleagues.

Don’t ask. Just don’t go in and see if they even notice.

time to look for another job as your skills are very much in demand.

look at your sick pay policy and self certify for a week to get a rest and make decisions.

Make a formal request and include either Monday or Friday as one of your days, as this makes it more reasonable and probably helps those who can't work from home.

@magnoliablooms has given you great advice. That's what you need to do.

I don't think you're being unreasonable, especially given your updates.

Is this an organisation you want to work for longterm? I'd be looking for other jobs if I was in your position as it doesn't sound like a particularly supportive organisation. A 3 hour commute is also an absolute killer for a position that doesn't actually require you to be in the office.

Update: I talked to my managers manger, as I wanted to make sure that he got it from the 'horses' mouth'. He was a lot more understanding and gave me words of reassurance and made me feel like a valued member of staff. However, he still couldn't give me the an extra day WFH on a temp basis until all my house moving stress was sorted. He said that he thought most of my stress was coming from the house selling/buying process and the commute will be a lot less when I move which would help. He said I should take 2 weeks off once I have a completion date for the house move and take the time to settle in and look after myself.
I do get where he is coming from, but it felt that he was saying a holiday will sort out your mental health struggles. He mentioned the reason for his no was because of the board members of the organisation, being very hesitant for any sort of remote working so giving me an extra day wouldn't go down well with them. Surely if its for mental health reasons and its for a short time, would be better, than me going off sick for a few weeks because of burn out. I didn't know that the board had so much say in the way daily running's with staff happened.
I feel something is a bit off but cant quite put my finger on what.

But I think it is time to look for another job, once my house move is complete. One transition at a time!

That's annoying OP, he needs to give his head a wobble. Decisions on staff working locations etc are operational and shouldn't be decided by trustees really. If you want to stay, get your move done then put in a formal flexible working request.

I don’t feel your request is unreasonable but I also don’t find them declining it unreasonable and I also don’t find the idea of you taking holiday so you can focus on the move unreasonable either. You’re looking at it from your point of view, they are looking at it from setting precedents and how they run the business, a much wider view.