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Help me deal with this - old boss acting mean following my promotion

7 replies

MooseAndSquirrelLoveFlannel · 01/07/2024 18:33

Not sure how to word this, and will probably make me sound paranoid but I'll try.

I have recently been promoted, after years of hard work and high performance. I am stoked! I manage my own team of 10 people, its a slightly different role/team to my old team but still the same area of the business.

My old boss and I are now part of the same management team, we are the same level. But they seem to be struggling to see me go from their subordinate to their peer. They make jokes at my expense during management meetings and ridicule things I suggest even when our boss thinks it's a good idea. But everything is done in an "only joking" way so no one seems to see how mean it feels to me.

I'm trying to find my way, build up my new team to get higher performance and yes learn to be a line manager but I feel they keep trying to knock me down and make me feel stupid. Comments like "you'll get the hang of this one day" when I make a suggestion or dissing my team members even though theirs are underperforming a lot and mine are not as bad (still not great but I've got a plan in place for this).

Also comments about how they have so much more work than I do, and when I offer to help (and am quite capable to do so) laugh at me and say I must not be very busy then. I am, but I also believe in sharing the workload.

They are only like this with me, and not the other 6 members of the management team. I am the only one who has been promoted upwards from under this person. I'm also the only woman in a management team of men, so feel like I have to work harder to be taken seriously.

Currently I tend to ignore it, or try laughing along so as not to show I'm upset by the comments as I don't want to be seen as weak. But I am upset.

OP posts:
Towerofsong · 01/07/2024 18:35

I haven't anything to suggest but posting to hopefully keep the thread where others will see it

HelplessSoul · 01/07/2024 19:00

Document everything they say/do to you.

Take it to your manager, then grievance for bullying and harassment.

Every. Single. Time.

ButtSurgery · 01/07/2024 19:07

Make them say it again. Every time. Make them show what they are doing.

I beg your pardon John / Jane?

Sorry, what was that?

I didn't quite catch that?

Could you say that again?

I didn't understand what you meant.

Could you explain that?

And make copious notes of the answers.

EmeraldRoulette · 01/07/2024 19:11

I would

  1. not offer to help
  1. look pityingly at them when they make those stupid remarks

they are conveying a sense of inadequacy

don’t say a word…

just let them announce that inadequacy

it’s nice that you’re keen to help. Would any juniors like a mentor? That’s a good box to tick.

EmeraldRoulette · 01/07/2024 19:13

Ugh, MN does not like dashes does it!

MooseAndSquirrelLoveFlannel · 01/07/2024 20:40

Thanks! It's horrible as I AM trying to learn, but I also wouldn't have been given the job if I wasn't capable. But all these men seem to have an issue with me and manage to keep knocking my confidence.

OP posts:
YeahWhateverGoAway · 01/07/2024 20:49

Raised eyebrow at the shitty comments. Sarcastically with icy tone in response.
Never ever offer to take minutes at any point. Nor get coffee.

Document it all, and each time the dick makes a comment about your team, I'd ask if he'd sorted his own in house issues out.

Follow up with email after the meeting if needed.

You got this, don't let inconsequential white stale males make you feel inadequate. You've earned this because you deserve it.

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