Is the non-clinical NHS passive aggressive life worth it?

[Whingewithme]

I’m after a whinge, some commiseration and maybe even some inspiration.

I’m working in a role that I find interesting but it involves a lot of politics and I’m up to my eyeballs in it. I’m struggling to sleep at night for wondering whether I did anything wrong to illicit passive aggressive email responses (for example). I’m confident I’m not rude in my communication, but I’m working in a patient advocacy type of role, and I think it can get backs up. I’m pretty nice, maybe too nice, and a people pleaser. I agonise over how to say things. I feel really passionate about improving care and I have wonderful feedback from some cheerleaders and the people I help, but there’s a huge band of management who are so rude, dismissive and condescending towards me. They likely have a lot of pressure on them and just don’t think of the effect their manner has, but it really does impact me.

I’m not sure if it’s the culture of the place I work at. I’m not sure if it’s worth sticking it out with the aim of thickening my skin and/or winning them over. I’m reluctant to return to clinical work because of the hours and I do have passion to bring about change.

And what do other people do in response to passive aggressive communication? Ignore? Address?

I work in a political environment, what I keep in mind is my job role, and my professionalism.

If your job is to advocate - do that, and don't feel conflicted - it's what you're being paid for! If a stakeholder is being tricky, I take a step back, look at their motivations and sound this out with a trusted peer or in a 1:1 with my manager and come up with a strategy.

With the people pleasing - honestly it's a bloody curse, but sticking strictly to your role does help, you are not there to single handledly fix everything or to take everyones views on board - you do have it in you to be assertive.

With passive aggressive emails - if the exchange isn't working, set up an in person meeting. Go in prepared, with an agenda in advance and write up any notes and actions points. Before meeting work out what you them to Know, how you want them to Feel about it, and what you want them to Do - and conduct the meeting accordingly.

In any communication, keep it brief and strictly to the point. It might be conflicting communication styles - so keep any writing very clear (this takes time and effort to craft).

Interesting one, I don’t envy you in this role in the current climate!my clinical roles often involved an element of advocacy because of the particular services I was involved in, I did often get into scrapes with consultants and the like because a lot of people in the nhs seem to forget that patient care should be at the centre of everything .It’s not easy and I think I put my hard hat on because I was passionate about what I did but I perhaps generated more stress for myself…however I later moved to a charity ( a far better culture all round!)where the community nurses often had to be very good at persuading care staff ,community nhs staff and others to do better by their patients…they used very different tactics and a softer approach but still got good results.really worth looking around for courses that may help you with communication, conflict resolution ,assertiveness or whatever else that allow you to refine your approach…nhs staff can understandably be very sensitive to overt and implied criticism but patient advocacy work does require persistence to enable cultural change and staff ultimately have to see that we all have to learn from our mistakes.

Ps. If you get good feedback from people, write it on post it’s and stick it on your mirror…remind yourself everyday of the good things you do rather than focus on the bad.

I have no advice but certainly commiserate. I was in a similar position and am so glad I am now retired.