Could anyone help me draft a ‘stay in your lane’ email?

[Rainallnight]

I am really grumpy at the moment and don’t want to write an email that burns any bridges. Would be so grateful if anyone could have a go at this with me.

I work for organisation A. We have a partnership with organisation B, in which we are the junior partner. Part of my job is to manage the relationship with organisation B.

Clara, who is junior to me (but not my direct report) needs to have meetings sometimes with quite a senior person, Dave, in organisation B.

After her most recent meeting with Dave, she sent me an email saying she and Dave had been discussing various things about the relationship between the two organisations and that she had brought some ideas about this to our CEO (my boss, in organisation A).

As well feeling as though she’s as overstepping a bit, she’s unaware of some wider political difficulties in organisation B, and Dave may have been making some suggestions in order to cause difficulties in his organisation (it’s honestly too long and boring to go into these political issues but it’s very much a thing).

Clara is extremely bright, keen and committed so I don’t want to slap her down. I usually think she’s great. But she’s overstepped here and doesn’t get the context.

I’d like her meetings with Dave to focus on the stuff they need to talk about and for the relationship stuff to be referred to me, and my counterpart in organisation B, who deal with this together.

But I’m grumpy and worried it’ll come across badly.

any thoughts??

But what's wrong with her bringing ideas to the table? Like you said, she doesn't know all the info you do so. She is enthusiastic about her role. That's a good thing. Or is it more that its creating work as you now need to explain why xyz wont work?

Sometimes it takes someone like Clara to disrupt the status quo in order to improve things especially when there's political nonsense going on.

There's a fair chance she didnt come to you with it because she knew you'd tell her to stay in her lane!

I would have a chat with her rather than an email. And I would invite her to a meeting with you and the person in organisation B so you can take her ideas forward if they're good whole giving her credit for them.

I wouldn't do any of this on a Sunday.

Don’t email. Never put this stuff in writing. Pick up the phone and tell her she’s been played, that Dave may be using her inexperience and lack of knowledge to pursue his own objectives which are at odds with his own organisation’s goals. Make sure you praise her before and after telling her this, but treat it as a learning point: she should have sought wider context and certainly engaged with the right stakeholders before embarrassing herself by taking it to the CEO.

Thank you for explaining it better than me! She’s been played, and unravelling this does create more work for me, as someone suggested above.

I will have a conversation. That’s always better. But she’s away now, and it’s also now going to involve a conversation with my CEO so I was hoping to send them both a quick email to say here’s the deal. But email always better…

@shuffleofftobuffalo I’m a very good leader, who gets great feedback from my team about space and support to innovate. It just wasn’t appropriate in this case for all of the reasons @WorkingItOutAsIGo says.

The seeds of great ideas can start from anywhere, even if they don’t work it should always be encouraged.

From what you are saying it is Dave who is the perceived problem and the one who needs managed, not Clara.

Let her know about the politics and offer to be a sounding board for any ideas, but be generous on how you tell her to make sure she knows sharing ideas, and hearing different views is encouraged.

Hi Clara,

Thanks for your email. I'm always happy to see and review new ideas and approaches in respect of X so thank you for your input, I'll take it on board.

Could I please ask that any further emails in respect of X are directed to me rather than [CEO]? It's important for me to have oversight so that I can keep [contact in B] updated with developments and ensure there are no duplications - there are quite a number of projects in this area underway at any one time. I can then let [CEO] know of all developments/updates/ideas without too much email traffic. Of course, if any of your ideas also proceed to implementation I will let you know.

Thanks again for your thoughts on this.

I disagree with pp's. I think email is preferable in this instance. It can of course be followed up with a call. But conversations alone get misremembered, re-written over time and to not clearly state your position now is leaving yourself open to it happening again.

I would also be wary about what you say in respect of Dave 'playing her' considering she'll need to be in contact with him regularly tbph. It could sour their relationship and has every potential to come back and bite you in the arse.

As the person who manages the relationship with B you need to remain professional in what you tell subordinates - and being 100% truthful about every messy, unsavoury part of your job/responsibilities is not required or often wise ime.

'Dear Clara,

your ideas about x were really great and I'm impressed by your proactivity with taking it further yourself.

There is however some context with Dave which makes this issue difficult/impossible. This isn't your fault as you weren't to know but would appreciate you coming to me with these points in future so we can discuss the best way forward/viability before taking it up the chain.

Let's have a longer chat about it on your return so I can fill you in. '

Edit as needed.

This is positive, gentle and suggests that the problem is Dave not Clara without putting in writing your issues with him as that's better told in person.

I disagree with some pp's who think this is a good thing, and that new blood is sometimes needed in order to shake things up and move on.

Without the benefit of background knowledge, someone doing this sort of thing could have unintended and potentially disastrous consequences for the company.

This.

I think you're getting a mixed response because you described it as a "stay in your lane" email, but from reading the post this isn't what it actually is- you're not bothered because Clara is merely a junior person and so shouldn't be having ideas or speaking to senior management. You're bothered because of the precise circs of this situation, which mean that she has been manipulated by Dave- so it's less "stay in your lane" and more "look before you leap".

I would probably speak to her rather than email. I would also consider whether this is something you should involve her LM in. And I'd consider whether you can both soften the blow and make better use of her by giving her more opportunities to express her ideas without risking this sort of thing happening again.

How did Clara 'bring the ideas' to your CEO? If by email, did she CC you?

I find this behaviour odd and wouldn't like it if I wasn't in the loop or aware she was going to do that.

No, it was in a meeting with our CEO, aboir her regular work, without me.

I'd probably arrange a meeting with the CEO and Clara to be honest, and go with the remit of trying to clarify lanes and the risk of cross confusion between teams and CEOs and how it could go wrong if there are different messages and promises being made.

An organisation needs to be on the same page and it looks like she isn't.

If you can't get a meeting with Clara and the CEO, can you get one with Clara and her manager?

I think it's really unfair on Clara if she's been sent to this meeting without the wider context, or at least a hint at it.

I don’t want to slap her down.

Well that's not the impression you're giving here.

You sound quite threatened by her and she has every right to bring new ideas in, no matter how junior she is to you.

From what you are saying it is Dave who is the perceived problem and the one who needs managed, not Clara.

Agreed 100%

You're trying to slap Clara down because it's easier than standing up to Dave.

Not cool.

Well said

Do you work for an ALB or similar? She hasn’t overstepped if she isn’t aware of the context. Why isn’t she aware? You can’t reasonably construe it as her fault that she doesn’t know her own colleagues aren’t sharing information with her or that someone in another organisation is acting up. If you own the partnership work it’s your responsibility to make sure people have the information they need to work productively with the other organisation, and/or to appropriately manage the consequences of deciding not to share things with them. You absolutely don’t have the right to get grumpy with her about it and I would be careful not to be seen to be trying to limit collaboration between people in the two organisations, or being needlessly hierarchical.

My first thought is if you are the relationship manager why haven’t you briefed Clara on the wider political difficulties?

Another vote for this one

I get it, and have had it done to me. Someone is taking advantage of her inexperience and keenness to play political games - not her fault, but nonetheless damaging.

I would have a conversation about how to feed in her ideas in your organisation. Had she felt she had no space to do so? What could you do to ensure she has the opportunity more frequently? Does she have any suggestions?

And then explain the context, and show how you think several moves ahead and consider motivations etc. Demonstrate to her how to do this, and encourage her to start doing so, so she doesn’t get caught this way again but spots the signs and knows when to come and discuss with someone. Its a teachable skill, and very useful.

I wouldn't put anything in writing that she could show Dave personally.