Has anyone given up on the idea of being promoted and is happier for it?

[AnonSoc]

I've recently turned 40 and have a 2.5 year old DS. I am increasingly finding that I just couldn't give a flying fuck about progression at work any more, which is weird, as I have always been chasing career advancement.

I just want to be able to enjoy my evenings and weekends with my DS. There's also something quite liberating about giving up on getting promoted, as there's now no reason to feel bitter about being passed over if I wasn't even trying in the first place.

Interested to hear if anyone else has similarly checked out of climbing the career ladder and how it has worked out.

I'm not sure "given up on" or "checked out" are phrases I'd use, as, after all, you've probably got another 30 years in the workplace ahead of you.
However I think it is fairly normal as a parent to have times in your life when you prioritise time with your family, and stability for your family, over looking for promotion, yes.

Speaking as someone a lot older than you, there are a lot of years after your dc become a little more independent, and you can adjust your focus again then.

Personally, I took a step back after 'trying to do it all' after dc1 was born and was the happier for it, but I didn't 'give up on' my career, I just waited a few years until I had more energy, and went after different jobs/ promotions when the dc were a lot older.

I've just accepted a new job which will be a sideways move for me. I was tired of waiting for promotion opportunities, which in reality would require someone above me to leave, and I would also be up against other internal and external candidates anyway. I also don't get any bonus or performance related pay, so was getting increasingly bitter about putting a lot in and getting very little back. I did look at external opportunities that would represent a step up, but the job market in my sector is very quiet right now.

But yes, it feels liberating. I'll be working in a new area, so developing new skills and knowledge which feels very exciting in my early 40s. In fact, my line manager and a couple of other people have told me that they are a bit jealous!

Same as PP. I felt like I checked out of my career after having children (in my 20s and 30s). Now that I'm in my 40s and they're older I'm checked right back in again and want progression.

Take the time with your DS. The early years pass quickly and if you're not bothered about work right now then so be it. I'd choose family over career everyday. You may find once your child is older that you want something back for yourself again and that could be your career. I also know women who have never bothered with work again. We're all different. Go with how you feel right now 😊

I'm mid 40s with a pre school child. I still would like to be promoted but it would have to be on my terms. So I am more picky but haven't lost the career drive if you know what I mean. I'm partine anyway if that makes a difference.

Yes. I spent 2 years as a Principal Teacher. It did not suit me at all. I happy to remain a Class Teacher until I retire. 25 years done with 20 to go.

I have had the opportunity on a few occasions to apply for the position above me and have been actively encouraged by management and colleagues to apply but I just don’t want to do it. It would mean a significant increase in pay but we manage on my salary (<£20k).
The main reasons for not applying are I enjoy what I do, I’m very good at it but mainly I don’t want to deal with the team that I work with doing their annual reviews, sickness, problems at home, problems at work. Never regretted it

Yeah, more or less. In my line of work, progression opportunities are overhyped and underpaid - ways to get people to do much more work for little reward and high accountability.

@Yesterdayyesterday I took a sideways move a couple of years ago and it’s been life changing in the best way! All the benefits you’ve mentioned, plus all the stress/resentment I didn’t realise I was carrying in my old role has gone and I’m a much nicer person, frankly!
I wouldn’t say I’ve given up on my career but I have given up on going upwards at any cost

Yes for sure. I am part time anyway and have a small responsibility but never want to go back to a bigger responsibility. Enjoy and feel stretched enough.

Yep pretty much. I'm 48 and my DC is 10. I've been part time since I came back from maternity leave.

I know that if I went full time I'd probably be able to progress further, but I just can't be arsed. I already work beyond my hours, I know if I was FT again it would go back to the old days of working until bedtime "just finishing off one more thing". I have a great work life balance.

I think if I stay at my current level I'll still be OK in terms of pension. So I'm not really incentivised to bust a gut climbing a career ladder.

Pre kids I worked bloody hard. My relationships would suffer cos I felt I had to go the extra mile at work. Guess what? - I got made redundant or job evaluated THREE times during my workaholic years. That taught me to serve myself and my family, not aspire to getting pats on the head at work.

I am feeling generally burnt out, as I am very good at the technical side of my job, but organisation and project management come far less naturally to me. The only reason to do project management type tasks is that it's necessary to have some PM experience progress.

If I am honest, I also have zero desire to manage people and would probably be crap at that aspect, and it's difficult to go further than my current level without taking on some line management.

I'd probably be most happy/fulfilled going freelance, but we'd like to buy a larger house at some point and I know being freelance makes getting mortgages tricky.

The answer seems to be just to coast at my current level for the time being and give up on the square peg into a round hole task of trying to get good at project management. However, I don't know how to politely explain that I no longer have interest in so-called "stretch" activities designed to help me meet the tick box requirements for the next level up.

Well I have never wanted a promotion in the first place really so am very happy in my job, I start at 9 finish at 5 and that's it it's all I want

I've actively refused promotion outside of the technical side all my career.
I'm very good at, and enjoy my 'back room work' (I write scientific software) and although I'm probably not devoid of people management skills it's simply not what I want to do (beyond managing the managers).

Ever heard of the Peter Principle? https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peter_principle

and

If I am honest, I also have zero desire to manage people and would probably be crap at that aspect, and it's difficult to go further than my current level without taking on some line management.

I agree with both of these.

I think in many, many jobs this is an issue - when you accept a promotion, you end up doing les and less of the job you enjoy / are good at / applied for in the first place, and end up doing stuff that is nothing to do with the role you went in to in the first place.
I've been asked to apply for the Manager's role in my Team 3x over the years, but I haven't / won't because it takes you away from doing our job 5 x a week to doing it 1 day a week and spending most of the time either doing strategic meetings or doing performance management or recruiting etc etc. It's just not the job I want to do, and (in my case) it isn't even much more money.

That's great @hopscotcher, it's good to hear a positive experience. Many of my friends and family seem a bit confused as to why I would make this move for not much more money, but I think it's going to be great. Careers don't always have to be about moving upwards and earning more money.

I left a "big" job in the City, took a 60% paycut and then another paycut when I went PT after having DC. My salary has barely moved since then but I enjoy my 9 to 5 PT job and the freedom it gives me in the evenings/weekends/days off. It works for me and I'm not interested in looking at other roles as I don't think I would enjoy them as much. There is no career progression but having had a high-flying career in the past I'd now much rather work to live rather than live to work.

Yes I did and it was great. However.... my company then went to shit and I had to get out and now ended up starting somewhere new and in a complete middle as to what I want!

I recently had a promotion and now manage (directing work, no line management) a team as well as writing strategies, managing projects etc. I love the strategy and planning side of it but I don’t enjoy the people side.

I was similar to @ErrolTheDragon in that I was good at what I did in my niche and had no interest in people management, but as is often the case, the only way to earn more money in my org is to be promoted into a managerial position. I wonder if I’ve made the right choice most days 😬

Yes I recognise this. I even went for a promotion when my youngest was at preschool, got offered it, and then realised that I didn't really want it after all.

I felt like this when DC were small but I ended up getting a big promotion when I was 39 and it made a massive difference - now earn high 6 figure salary.

That was 5 years ago and I really want to move upwards again but for various reasons I don’t think it will happen in my current company. I will probably seek a big move elsewhere, because my DC are now teens and will have left home before I turn 50, and I’ve realised that I’m just gearing up, not winding down.

i might feel differently nearer the time but just offering another perspective. 40 is young to step off the career ladder.

But there doesn't have to be a career ladder. I could get a promotion or a new job and easily earn double what I do now. But it's not worth it for me. The extra money would not be worth the extra stress, hours, lack of freedom, giving up hobbies, time with the children, friends and family. That's all worth much more to me than a bigger paycheck and a fancier title.

Yep! Was a teacher, w👩‍🏫 eking hard to get pr motion. Had achieved lots of steps and then realised that I just didn't have it in me anymore. I now work in a junior role, with a massive pay cut but a far much happier. I might want to progress later but at the moment I'm just happy to have a new job outside of the classroom.

Sorry for the million typos!

For me, promotions have come along when I’ve not been looking for them.