Unhealthily intense relationship with my boss

[Emotionalsobriety]

I work for an entrepreneur. We both suspect we have ADHD.

We are both considered inspirational bosses by those who have worked for us.

a year ago he imposed some changes which he knew I would disagree with. He avoided discussing them. For months I had to manage the blowback from my team. I confided in another manager that I was worried team members would leave. I probably spoke badly/loosely as I was upset. The message got reported back to boss as “she’s going to leave and take the team with her”. Long story short, I was demoted.

he and I are now trying to rebuild our relationship but our conversations are weirdly intense. Vocabulary includes words like “war”/“betrayed” (him) and “devoted/loved” (me). He sees all my relationships within the business as a threat.

it has a massive effect on me, the people who took over my role, the team and even the business (I am a founding member). His deputy (a very different person) tried to intervene which made things worse. He’s fired our HR head.

has anyone been through similar?

I too have been in this situation, it was only after I escaped I realised how much it had damaged me and how fucked up it all was.

It took a very good new boss and a few years to get it over it all.

It was really hard leaving, he rang my new company and said awful things and didn't speak to me for my 6 week notice period, then screamed at me in the street on my last day. He kept trying to contact me, so I had to block him on everything.

Get out asap!

It sounds like you enjoy the drama.

I’ve been in something similar, not exactly the same but a lot of similarities. I think if I was in your situation, having the experience I have, I would leave on as happy/mutually respectful terms as possible as soon as humanly possible.
What are you prospects like if you moved from this job? If they are half way decent start planning a move.
The reason I say this is because it’s all fun and games until it isn’t, people like this tend to have major boundary issues and are emotionally immature. You simply can’t put your career and your future earning potential in the hands of someone who is this volatile. I did to a degree, I hung on in there, and regretted it. We had highs and lows but the reality was despite doing great work with them my confidence took a big hit by the time I was leaving I wasn’t in the best place to take time to secure a great job, I was just desperate to go I took what I could get.

A very intense love/hate dynamic. Could easily say we loved each other one day then fall out the next to the point of shouting and tears. Became quite a threat to my marriage IYSWIM.

God I could have written this 18 months ago right down to being a co-founder.

I got out. It was hard, I actually walked out. I was completely broken and my mental health shot to shit. It wasn’t until months later I realised how bad it was. I haven’t looked back!

I also got a far better job on more money within 4 weeks!

That’s unlikely for me given age and current salary :(

Thank you all for the posts. Point taken re drama.

Having processed this all a bit more I may say:

1. that this relationship is one of the half-dozen or so most important of my career
2. that therefore it’s worth more to me than many things (but not everything). It’s certainly worth more than proving I’m right/arguing.
3. that I need to do my work with the sense of freedom and creativity that he always allowed until now in a way that makes a shit-ton of money.

hopefully this will get us to a less mad place.

When I saw your description of this person I thought of Donald Trump. Ya Think?

I have ADHD. I think you need some counselling. Genuinely. It's not good to get this intense about work. Although you may feel it, words like devoted and loved don't need to come into your relationship with your line manager.

Hi pod.

you’re right.

i left.

the real world then re-expanded to its actual size……

Just remember what happened to Thomas Cromwell!

Oh bugger, just realised I replied to a post from June!

I thought about Cromwell A LOT over the past few months. Might as well swing your own axe….

Many bosses will describe themselves as inspirational. Very few employees will describe themselves as inspirational.

The pair of you sound batshit and toxic.

Yes.
it’s over now though.
as someone said above, it felt very important whilst I was in it.