Targeted by an 'underminer' - long and slightly whingey, sorry!

[targetedbyanunderminer]

I was promoted a few months ago and really enjoy my current role. I've been concerned about the woman who took over my old job, and did wonder if I was being paranoid. My poor dp has been putting up with my worries for months, as I didn't want to spill my woes to my work colleagues.

Recently I read about 'underminers' and thought omg, she's one! Unfortunately our managers think she's great as she has a 'can-do' attitude.

She was really difficult to train as she didn't listen to me and thought she knew best. She offers to help colleagues in my old team, then tells management how much she helped because the colleage was too busy. She offers to help out by doing work I and my colleagues should be doing, without asking first or telling us about it.

The book I read recommends avoiding the person, avoiding working with them and avoiding her at social events. Also not running to your manager or colleagues as the one thing you need to avoid is being seen as paranoid. It says you need to handle the underminer alone, like a lone sheriff in an old western film.

Thankfully I've done most of this instinctively, but it's really hard work and my poor dp has had to take the brunt of my complaining about the situation.

Any advice on how to continue this strategy without losing my rag eventually would be very much appreciated!

targeted I am intrigued to learn what book you are reading. I am not impressed by the advice it's giving you I'm afraid, and I would not recommend you continue with this strategy. As you are finding out, it's not actually that easy in any case.

As far as I am concerned, if you have a difficult working relationship with a colleague, the most constructive way of dealing with it is definitely not to run away and avoid the person. That's completely unrealistic for a start - by definition you are already working with the person so you can't suddenly choose not to work with her, and I really don't see that avoiding her in other situations is either realistic or effective as a long term solution either.

Have you actually spoken to this woman? And if you have been promoted are you now her manager?

I think putting the book and it's definition of your problem to one side for a minute and thinking about what the problem actually is might be a good idea. She thinks she knows best about stuff and was difficult to train as a result. Very common, and irritating I agree. If you were previously on the same level and you have been promoted she may have felt that you didn't have the 'right' to train her iyswim and may have resented being trained by someone previously an equal. Not the right attitude but again very common.

She offers help where it may or may not be needed and then makes a point of telling management. She sounds insecure and desperate to demonstrate her worth.

I think analysing what label to give this person is a bit of a waste of time tbh. I think you are probably letting this worry you more than it should. Are you feeling a bit insecure as well, in your new promotion, and feeling keen to prove that you deserve to be there? That's not at all a criticism, but it would explain why you are as concerned as you are about this woman and the good reputation you feel she has (unjustifiably) gained with management.

I think you need to focus on doing a good job, which I am sure you are doing, and speak to this woman yourself, mention that you appreciate her help and hard work, but if she would like to help out in an area of work you are responsible for, you need to be asked first. When it comes to her telling management how wonderful she is, nothing you can or should do about that, unless you are her manager which I get the impression you are not.

Oh my gosh I work with an underminer too. I think there are loads of them in the world. My colleague does the same she jumps up at taking on responsibility and then moans to everyone that she does everything.

She complained to our manager that she keeps bailing us all out and doesn't have enough time for her own work when really she interferes with everyone else's work load with out anyone actually asking for (or wanting) her help.

She runs to the manager at every mistake that anyone makes and always has a ready scapegoat for any mistakes that she might make.

She has foul mood swings and we are all supposed to just put up with it because that's her character.

She is an equal colleague but always gets the managers on side so its more like she runs the show. She doesn't single one person out so she is not a a bully but she is a PITA.

I deal with her by ignoring her and quietly rolling my eyes. Im sure the managers see her for what she is so she is quite harmless really. Sorry I just wanted to share don't really hav emuch constructive to share.

Thanks guys, I can't go into too much detail as I'm sure work colleagues are mumsnet members and would easily identify me.

flowery I really appreciate your advice. The book is 'The Fabulous Girl's Guide to Life' by Kim Izzo and Ceri Marsh (you're going to tell me off now, aren't you). I know the book is very light-hearted and tongue in cheek, though I was amazed to find a description of my colleague that was so accurate.

I did talk to her whist I was training her, her attitude wasn't due to us being on the same level, as she was a new starter. You're right that I'm not her manager - I've been promoted into another team.

I'm also feeling a bit insecure in my new role which I agree does affect my perception of this woman.

I'm looking for ways to get myself more experience as I have time now, and if I do have an opportunity to speak to the woman I will do what you suggest.

staryeyed Thanks for sharing, at least I'm not alone in working with this kind of woman, though I do wonder what satisfaction they get out of it.

Putting aside the issues you had with her during her training period, what exactly is the issue now? Do you have much contact with her? Do you have to work together to achieve any objectives?

Does she do your old job in a way that bothers you? Do you think you might be a little territorial about it?

If that's the book then my expectations would have been low - I will let them off their rubbish advice as long as you promise to have a bucketload of salt handy at all times when reading it to take with their tips. Deal?

I'm only teasing of course. Keep doing what you're doing, remember you were promoted because people think you are good - being promoted internally is always a good thing and always something I look for on cvs. It's normal to feel insecure in a new role as you are, and not always a bad thing. Worth remembering that it's also normal to feel probably even more insecure if you are in a new job and new organisation entirely as this woman is.

flowery Okay, I promise

llareggub We don't have to work together. What she's doing is expanding my old job into my new job IYSWIM and I am watching my back.