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Rude Colleague

5 replies

CuriousPebble · 18/06/2024 20:07

I have a colleague who is very articulate but incredibly rude. In a recent meeting, after a tirade, they publicly declared that my work needed to "be better," even though there was nothing wrong with it—it just didn't fit their own agenda. I have no problem with constructive criticism, but publicly declaring my work needs improvement without specifics or context feels like a flippant smear to try damage others confidence in me. Fortunately, it didn't work on this occasion, the others present disregarded this colleagues comments about my work. Other examples of their behavior include marking documents with a huge red cross without explanation to show disagreement.

People are seemingly afraid to challenge this person and tread on eggshells, even those more senior than them. This person challenges everyone publicly and frequently, and it seems they aren't receiving private feedback since their behavior hasn't changed. I believe in giving constructive feedback privately whenever possible.

These are just two examples of their behavior, and while they might sound minor, being around someone who behaves like this constantly is not productive in the workplace. People are cautious about approaching this individual for advice, which they are paid to give. I don’t think this behavior is directed at me personally; it seems to be their general approach to many people who are less senior than them. However, I’ve been in their firing line recently, and I can't avoid working with them.

I want to address this delicately, especially as they are senior to me. How would you approach this colleague? I’ve invited them for coffee to "hear their thoughts and learn from their feedback." After I've listened, if they take me up on it, I'm thinking of giving them some gentle feedback on how they made me feel when gave me their recent feedback of "needs to be better."

OP posts:
MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 18/06/2024 20:17

"Needs to be better" isn't what I'd call actionable feedback. I'd be asking for something actually constructive that I can work with, because anything else is just someone sounding off because they can.

Frankly this person sounds an absolute horror and a bully and I'd be concentating on getting out ASAP. The place sounds utterly toxic.

After I've listened, if they take me up on it, I'm thinking of giving them some gentle feedback on how they made me feel when gave me their recent feedback of "needs to be better."

Good luck with that. I can pretty much guarantee that someone like this a) isn't interested in someone else's opinion and b) isn't the type to be worried about your feelings.

Allwelcone · 18/06/2024 20:35

Yeah I think just leave it, they are setting thselves up for failure. Just glide through it! Watch, smile, enjoy.

semideponent · 18/06/2024 20:52

I think it's great you're following up. "Be better" invites "how?" and "in what way?" and "please could you be more specific? What do you have in mind?"

Mind you, if this is an emotional thing for your colleague, your (very appropriate) questions may not be received well.

"Needs to be better" carries the assumption you can mind read! Make it clear you can't and they need to be more specific.

Rather than giving feedback about your feelings at first, I'd give feedback about any instances they do give you specific direction or guidelines which are genuinely helpful.

MadBlack · 18/06/2024 22:28

Your colleague? What is the reporting relationship?
If he isnt in your management structure, I would repeatedly bring the public declarations of sub standard work to your own line manager.
i assume your line management have no issues with your work, so let them deal with it, thats what they are paid for.

Roundandback · 18/06/2024 23:03

I used to work with someone who sounds very similar - the behaviour they got away with was atrocious and bullying. Whilst there were occasions of isolated instances being addressed it never really changed.

We knew they were retiring so that is what everyone, including Directors and MDs were waiting for. We even held off in projects because we knew it would be easier once they had left.

I don't mean to sound horrible but the idea of giving them gentle feedback is hilarious and very naive. Either their manager has to deal with it or it is going to continue. Nothing you say to them is going to make a difference and could just cause you more difficulties.

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