How to move forward from career mis-step

[Tallesttiptoes]

I've posted before about my job woes and have now been plugging away for nearly 2 years trying to make this job work.

I moved from an under-paid, high responsibility job (head of service, senior leadership team) in a small, friendly organisation to a head of service job in a large public sector organisation with multiple levels of management. I moved for much better pay, development opportunities and career progression. I had been given feedback in my previous role from external and internal colleagues that I was high potential and should look for opportunities. I had reached a ceiling with what I could achieve in that organisation and felt confident after a run of successful years of that I was capable of more.

I walked into a completely chaotic organisation. As soon as one challenge is overcome, something else happens. Redundancies, people going off with stress. It’s a highly distrustful culture and I’ve seen really poor senior leadership behaviours. It’s been a pretty harrowing experience.

I have tried to reset and focus on what I am able to achieve in chaos but I am struggling. Recently home life has become very difficult in addition which has sapped a lot of my resilience. DS has been very ill and we are still undergoing investigations. DH is potentially at risk of redundancy due to cuts in his organisation as well.

I feel this job and organisation are toxic and I cannot possibly succeed in such conditions. But when I look at other roles, I just don’t feel I can deliver what I used to. I think my confidence has been really worn down.

Additionally, most jobs I look at require travel which feels like a demand our currently fragile household can’t manage.

I don’t know what to do.

Instinctively I have found myself looking at more junior roles, with lower pay… I have had a couple of conversations with previous bosses/mentors who are cross with me for even considering moving down again. But I just don’t see any other option really.

I don’t feel that I can continue in this job but I feel I will really regret it if I step off the career ladder. I’ve worked throughout my kids childhoods and been promoted every 3-4 years. I’m mid 40s now. I feel like I have hit a brick wall but don’t want to give up as I don’t know that I will ever get back on it, and I feel like I would be so disappointed in myself.

Would really appreciate any suggestions or experiences that people are able to share.

I'm 48 and two years ago quit a job with no prospects for a client-facing 'London job'. It's been really painful and I'm not a good fit here but after two years I'm heading for a more money/same job title post in a smaller organisation. It's not you - it's the job. Keep job-hunting - even if only for a sideways move. I think promotion gets harder at this career stage and there's no harm in looking for more/better experience at the same level elsewhere.

Practice saying out loud what your story would be if you got that job - you need to write your own narrative. Think about the you-who-left-the-friendly-job. Tell the story from her point of view. "I left X and moved to Y to get more experience of A, B, and C. With those experiences came the knowledge that what I really enjoy is D, and where I really add value is E, so now I'm applying for Z." Apply to flexible organisations - three days working at home would give you your commute back to spend looking after DS. And don't panic. And talk to your DH!

Thank you - good advice! It also helps to know I’m not alone in taking a duff job! So many of my peers just seem to have ascended up the ranks effortlessly.. so many of them are men though so perhaps that’s a factor!

I think working on narrative is really helpful. I am job searching but seeing a lot less flexibility in many of the roles - 3 days in office seems the new norm which isn’t that manageable at the moment particularly as I’m 1.5 hours away from nearest city.

I think I probably need to try and recharge over summer months then really throw myself into job applications in September- it’s a numbers game isn’t it and I probably need to cast the net a bit wider and be open minded. By then we might see some improvement in DS or at least know what is happening health wise. I probably need to accept some travel and think of how we can manage it.

I am talking to DH but he is stressed with work too. I keep trying to think creatively of options for us both but just don’t seem to have it in me!

Shameless bump for evening crowd…

Does your organisation offer any coaching or mentoring? Take what you can to build your confidence and then move on.

I cant offer much by the way in advice but I'm in a similar situation (a single parent so my ability to travel, which seems to be the only step forward at the stage of my career I'm at in my field) is impossible. I fully regret the job I'm currently in and I've been here 6 months. So just so you know you're not alone!

Sorry to hear this memories! It’s really hard when you hit that ceiling isn’t it. Are you looking around?

Thanks saltblossom, I have coaching in place and that is helping to some extent. It’s hard to retain the confidence builds when I keep getting knocked down again at work. I think a mentor would be great but I’ve not had much luck. Everyone is so busy, I have a few colleagues in senior roles who I keep in touch with, they are very sympathetic but none of them are offering much constructive advice other than really doing my due diligence for my next role and putting my head down and ploughing through. A lot of my mentors are men, which does make a difference, as they have wives who are/have been part time to raise families. They’ve not really had to balance that part of the jigsaw if that makes sense in terms of having really good childcare in place, navigating times when the kids need me above everyone else. DH is super supportive and very family focused but he took time out of his career earlier on to let me take bigger jobs, but has wanted to focus more on his career again in the past couple of years understandably.

I could do with some senior female colleagues to talk to I guess for strategies.

I do think honing the narrative of why this move, what I’ve gained, what I want next and really throwing energy at side ways moves that build on my experience is probably best way forward.

No advice but I could have written your post. I was in a job for nearly a decade and performed highly, I stepped up to a more senior role but ultimately circumstances meant it was time to move on.

The new post is not a good fit, it's not terrible but the pace is slow, management not greatly supportive and I feel myself become de-skilled by the minute and my confidence in my abilities is eroding. I don't have any of the contacts and network I had access to in my last role.

It's a charity so I don't have access to any coaching or meaningful cpd.

I'm fairly well paid for my sector and I'm the higher earner, which makes a move difficult and I have lots of flexibility that I might not get somewhere else. I want to move on but I feel a bit stuck due to circumstances.

I'd say start planning your exit strategy and in the meantime try and get what you can from the experience. Lots of counselling and coaching to try and keep your confidence up.

Then try and sort gardening leave or sick leave once you get a new post so you have time to regroup between jobs. Your confidence will come back once you are somewhere sensible again

I've had one more thought. I'm working my 3 months notice right now, and my job is much better now I don't care about it. Make sure your job stays in its box. Don't go back into your email after dinner. Take some time to eat away from your screen. They're not going to bin you - you're competent and they're chaotic and binning someone in a public sector organisation requires a lot of planning. I think Millennials are calling it Quiet Quitting. Care less; work less. The job will be less draining that way. Remember, you're leaving anyway, so you don't need to give it everything you've got. That'll leave you more reserves for both job-hunting and family. It's still a bit shit, but it won't be forever. You've made the (good, correct) decision to move on and your next thing will be more fun.

Yes this is so true too. Once you know you are going you can remember that you don't have to do the job of 5 people just because someone expects you to, and you don't have to clean up everyone else's chaos .

@Invisimamma I am sorry to hear you are in the same position! Sending solidarity. Is there any coaching offer through NCVO or similar available? I know in previous roles my teams have accessed good training through them.

@CassandraWebb love your description of ‘somewhere sensible’! I am absolutely not in a sensible organisation. I need to remember that!

@leafinthewind good thoughts on quiet quitting. I guess I can’t quite bring myself to do that yet. I have a fair bit of leave over summer hols but I am also wondering about taking a week sick leave just to sit quietly and rest though. I’ve never done that before unless actually physically ill. There's been so much going on in and out of work this year that I feel I need it. I am very disciplined about not working evenings or weekends. It’s always been a non-negotiable for me. I think this organisation expects 24/7 of everyone though which is probably why it’s in such a state.

Thanks for all your thoughts everyone. I appreciate them!

Just a thought and maybe not one you can face, but rather than take the summer 'off', why not go in harder with the job hunt? I was speaking to a recruitment consultant yesterday (as an employer, not employee) and she was saying that a lot of mums do tend to slow down job hunting during the summer hols for obvious reasons. So maybe the pool of candidates will be smaller and give you a better chance of being selected for interview?

I appreciate not all candidates are people with children, but it might help!