Ex trying to sabotage career

[Ruinedreputation]

Hi all,

Will try to keep this condensed.

My abusive ex has tried to sabotage my career prospects. I was wanting to go into teaching but shortly after I signed up for a course, he starting making numerous reports to my kids school and social services about me.

Needless to say each time SS investigated they said there were no issues and closed the case. I spoke to police and SS who both agreed this was false reporting, and will coordinate to monitor any further accusations from him. At the time, I dropped out of the course so didn’t continue, but I’m wanting to go back into it soon.

He’s still spreading lies and rumours about me to any third party we both have contact with like the kids school, GP, other parents etc. I’m already struggling to handle the social aspect but if it creeps into my career prospects too I’ll be devastated.

How likely is it that the reports he’s made will make it difficult for me to go into teaching? I’m frightened if I apply for the course again he’ll start back up with the false reports. I know police and SS have acknowledged it but I’m nervous how others I work with might react to this in the past or if it happens while I’m studying or teaching.

Would appreciate some advice, thanks.

Why does he need to know what you are doing?

I feel the same, he doesn’t need to know. However when you share children with an ex, kids will tell the other parent things and that is outside of my control. I can’t hide everything I do from my kids, that wouldn’t be reasonable, and it’s not healthy to be telling them to lie either.

I’m not sure why you’ve assumed I’m telling him, especially after I explained what he was doing. If it was as simple as me not telling him then I wouldn’t be posting.

Don't tell the kids. They don't need to know that Mum's doing a course to become a teacher, all they need to know is that Mum's studying for a new qualification.

I wasn't having a dig at you OP. Just wondering what the circumstances are and whether you can keep things more private. It is difficult, but I think your only choice is to reduce how much you share with DC. How old are they?

Sorry @endofthelinefinally, I think I’m in a sensitive mood because I’m so stressed out about this. Feels like this man is out to ruin my life no matter what in any way he can.

Eldest is almost 12. I already hold back so much but kids pick up on it the older they get, and with ex playing on that dynamic to try and push us apart I don’t want them assuming that because I’m holding back stuff their dad’s lies must be true.

Aside from the kids though, it’s more about the reports in the past and possible future ones affecting my career and studies. I’m assuming they’ll need to do checks on me if I’m working with kids. If there are reports made about me would that affect me studying or being hired? He accused me of all sorts and still does, it’s humiliating enough already, but scared it might stop me doing what I want to do.

I think it might be helpful for you to talk to Women's Aid. You are still being abused and controlled and it seems appropriate, to me, that you get some help from people who have experience of this. His treatment of your children is abusive and controlling. I am sorry, it must be horrendous.

You might find some good advice by reading some of the threads on the relationships board too. There are many women on there who have gone through similar.

I'd be proactive about explaining to any prospective job/course/whatever the situation with your ex. I had to do this when my neighbours' son was randomly stalking me. It's better if you get out ahead of him. You know that you are innocent of what he's accusing you of - you can hold your head high.

To be honest it's time that the police were having a sharp word with your ex about his patterns of harassment and abusive behaviour. Your MP and Women's Aid might be able to help.

Thanks everyone for replying.

@endofthelinefinally and @SquirrelSoShiny, I have had support from Women's Aid in the past, but in my area they are so overloaded that they're only accepting referrals from people who haven't been in the service before or at risk. Because he's an ex they have told me to go to a solicitor or police, but I've found police just shrug it off and say they can't do anything. Solicitors are the same, they ask how often and if I've been threatened, I say no and they say they can't do anything unless he's being violent. I haven't thought of an MP though, so thank you, I'll do some research about who is best.

I'm so sorry you'd to go through that. I think you're right about getting a step ahead, I've had bad experiences with people when I try not taking it seriously but things are getting worse with other things going on as well.

Thanks everyone for believing me and taking it seriously, I feel like no one does this in my life so it's made me feel like I'm not crazy.

How likely is it that the reports he’s made will make it difficult for me to go into teaching?

It depends on what the reports are about?

He accused me of everything he did to us. Abusing the kids and him, being violent, emotional abuse.