Difficult manager

[AnotherPerson23]

Hi everyone,

I’ve just started a new job in a very small team. My new manager is lovely but has been no help at all with showing me what to do. Everyday he tells me he’s got undiagnosed adhd and autism and when I ask him for help he starts a sentence….gets distracted…..and 9 times out of 10 walks off into a different part of the office and then gets distracted again and doesn’t come back for ages…..then when he’s back he doesn’t pick up where he’s left off. He makes silly noises and spins round on his chair when I ask something, he stops me mid sentence to answer his phone, the other day he started playing candy crush while I was asking a question and never responded to me…..And it’s been like that with EVERYTHING he needs to show me. The other members of the team are all rushed off their feet and have been doing the job for years so aren’t great at breaking things down either 🫨

Anyway….ive been there 2 months now and his manager has kind of acknowledged that my manager been absolutely no help at all but then talks as though he still expects me to know everything. It’s not working for me. He could tell I was stressed yesterday and i said I didn’t feel supported. He said that we’d have a 1:1 on Monday, how do I address with him that he’s a big part of the problem without it being discriminatory or personal? I don’t feel like I can just blame myself at the meeting so I don’t offend him…..it’ll get documented in the notes and if something goes wrong because I don’t know what I’m doing it’ll all come back and his me in the ar$e!!

heeeeeelllllllppppppp

I would just depersonalise whatever you say.

For example, you could say something like "there are a few things that I feel I need to learn, however I am not receiving the support that I was led to believe I would have when I joined. I'm worried about making mistakes and think it would be beneficial to put in place a more definitive training plan with actions, time frames, and named individuals while I get up to speed"

That way, you are documenting your concern just in case, but are not being personal or accusatory against any individual. And you can keep referring back to that statement until you get your plan.

Oh dear, that sounds a very difficult situation you've come into!

Agree with PP.
Use the meeting to put a training plan in place.
Go over what you have already been adequately trained in, and who trained you. Then list the areas you still need further training in. Get names and timescales in the Actions list.

Even with this you're going to need to be prepared to say when he's wandered off and not completed the task when you don't feel the training has been in sufficient depth yet and you need a bit more with each task.

Good luck

I had a manager like that. It didn't work, I got pushed around and mis treated, luckily a super-manager noticed as I wasn't bad at my job just had gaps , so I got moved from that office and that LM. He has now had training and is apparently a changed man last I heard. I did leave though as my treatment was generally awful.
So I guess taking your concerns higher could be an option. But unless they invest in him he literally will not be able to change his behaviour.

What wpuld happen if you calmly asked to be managed by someone else?