Colleagues' Mental Health

[calista12]

Hi all,
I'm just looking for some advice from people who are impartial (neither work related nor friendly) so that I can understand how to approach a situation.

A short summary of my problem I am currently responsible for training a trainee who is new to my line of work. They are extremely negative and their negativity is coming to me and I am now dreading going to work.

They came to me after a fall out with their last mentor (a colleague of mine who is wonderful) and I immediately noticed their immense negativity. They did not like my colleagues and had issues with each of their university mentors. They viewed everything negatively and when I tried to offer solutions, literally spoke over me and ignored me so that what I said went unheard and the negative rant continued.

This has not stopped.

For the past several months, the negativity has remained. Each morning is a bleak tale about how tired they are, how fed up they are, how unhappy they are (because of headache/toothache/tummyache/car troubles/housework). They do not cry but there is a generally despondent and antithetical attitude to everything, with constant complaints about other staff and the workload, which I have reduced massively already (it is far below what trainees should now have and has meant me upping my own to accommodate). I have been empathetic every day now for several months, hiding my own emotions and forcing positivity and doing everything I can to be a beacon of hope, happiness and positivity, but I am struggling a little now and dreading coming into work to see them. Nothing I do helps. To be clear, I have never ever shown my unhappiness to my colleague; I put on a facade of positivity constantly and modelled solutions focused conduct at all times.

They have been offered mental health support but have refused to take it (both from work and their own GP). It feels almost contagious and I am struggling now to continue to be positive.

Last week, they kicked off about something changing and said that they should have noticed and it was unacceptable and I apologised, sympathised, praised them, but then said that things do happen in our job which cannot be entirely predicted and this cannot be prevented - it's part and parcel of it - so I then said we would look together at some strategies for preparing for and dealing with unexpected change in order to make future instances of unavoidable change more palatable (this was then accompanied by a reminder of how well they are doing and a tangible example of something they'd done well so they would know it was authentic)

After this, they went on the sick for a week. My boss called me for a meeting and said my comments had made them feel they weren't cut out for the role because I'd made it seem as though this was the job so their inability to cope with change meant they couldn't do it. It wasn't reflective of what happened.

Throughout the meeting I nodded and tried to frame the meeting as an opportunity for growth in mentoring, but it basically existed as a telling off for me apparently not being supportive. My boss told me of things that my mentee had told to them but they were so negatively depicted that they were almost untrue. For example, the situation above was phrased as me saying change happens, if they can't cope, are they cut out for it? which did not happen ... I'm not blaming my mentee as I believe that when someone is down they see things negatively and genuinely interpret things negatively.

I feel I have no support and nothing I do is good enough and I'm sat here not wanting to go to my job tomorrow. Does anyone have any advice?

Arrange your own meeting with your line manager immediately. Let them know you can't manage this trainee. Your clearly not the first employee to do this, given there have been others before you.

This employee is clearly a risk to your own work life. They've spun around everything you have said and tried to do, to their own advantage, whether they meant to or not. Possibly not and it's just the way they have taken your comments.

They sound like they may have some form of autism to be honest if they can't manage change. It's not unreasonable to question if their current role is the right one for them, if it involves alot of change. You being berated by your senior for this is basicly just passing the buck. They know your right but it's convenient for them to blame you for saying it.

If your left with the trainee and nothing can be done. Anything more that comes up like this ask for your senior to be present when it's dealt with or ask them to deal with it. It's to much for you to be taking on and is resulting in your own MH being affected.

The employee should also be receptive to medical help if they have MH problems, if they are not then that is detrimental to their ability to do the job. Then it is reasonable as a company to say we've done all we can. It sounds like that is someone else's call though not yours but I would raise these issues privately with your manager. No one should be discriminated against due to illness or disability but the employee has to do all they can to help themselves aswell.

@calista12 They sound awful.
Get rid asap.

Negative Nellies are a drain on everyone.

OK, so your very high up senior couldn't do it but your being told if you can't then it will go against you??? Your being scape goated. If you have a union I'd be giving them a call. That said the academic year is nearly over so presumably your mentoring role will be mostly too?

Absolutely this!
I wonder if this Negative Nellie is almost hoping to take action against the workplace?

She sounds impossible to work with, is slacking already, won’t take the slightest responsibility for herself ( won’t arrange counselling)

She’s not going to be an asset to any workplace at this rate.

I’ve never heard of ANYONE complaining that they were left out of a workplace drink event-
Most people take it on the chin, not go whingeing to management !

I can imagine this person being self obsessed and a pain to be around.

Not an easy workplace team member.

Thank you @Harvestfestivalknickers, but I have done all this and it's proved ineffective. They do not seem to genuinely enjoy the job and say they have stresses outside of work that are impacting them but then offers for help - mental health and otherwise - are turned down. The only offers are help that are accepted involve me picking up extra work, which I then get thanked for by having my words misconstrued and no support when I'm then chasing my tail.

In that case you are in a no win situation. If they don't enjoy the job and aren't doing anything to improve the situation you've got to remove yourself from being their mentor. I'd speak to senior manager and say your mentee is on a downward spiral which is affecting the whole team negatively. You've reached the end of the road with them.

@calista12 there is no magic bullet solution that is going to make this person receptive to what you're doing.

They are a poor fit for this organisation and line of work - seemingly any with that attitude- and more importantly quick to stick the boot in if they feel that actually they are being asked to do the job they are in for.

Quit with trying to justify yourself and trying to make it work. Just use some of the wording above to get out of it. If your line manager keeps on insisting, I'd keep repeating about breakdown of trust and it not being able to work out.

Be calm and try not to get emotional. Just be very factual. If pushed you can say that it also didn't work out with other more experienced colleague, so it does feel that mentoring this individual is very different from the usual experience.

If your manager absolutely will not budge I would request they - or a deputised alternative- attend all of your meetings going forward as you cannot be with this person alone.

Do you think it's possible your mentee is neuro divergent?

Why on earth don’t you blame this mentee? Are you desperate to appear reasonable? Because I think that's your problem. They’re running rings around you and making you look utterly shit to your bosses. You have got to stand up for yourself.