Up until 3 yrs ago I had long term jobs - I had a lovely 1-2-1 care job for a lady with dementia for over 5 yrs and prior to that I worked for the national trust for nearly 6 yrs.
However since moving to a new area, and quite limited employment opportunities, I have really been struggling to find a job to settle into, and am starting to wonder 'what's wrong with me' that I can't.
After my 1-2-1 care position I worked for 6 mnths in a dementia unit of a nursing home, but found it very hard both physically and mentally. The home was chronically understaffed and it became the 'norm' for 1 carer to have to be responsible for a 10 bed unit and I am not ashamed to admit I could not cope.
Therefore I left and got a job in a supermarket - I really enjoyed this job and made some lovely friends, but it involved 4 am starts 5 days a week, and after a year I could feel my health suffering because of sleep deprivation. And sadly another case of understaffing and being expected to compensate - when I joined the dept there were 16 staff and when I left it was down to 7.
So after 18 mnths at the supermarket I decided to try my hand at care again, this time with an agency doing domicilary care. I have been there 6 weeks but can also see the cracks appearing again. The agency has been through a few changes of management since I started and again a few staff have left. In my first few weeks everything was going very well, mainly as I was coupled with more experienced staff. Then out of the blue the agency told me I had already passed my probation, and were happy to take me on as a fully fledged member of staff. Initially I was very flattered but since then have realised that they are now using the fact I have passed my probation to put even newer members of staff with me, and frankly I am feeling overwhelmed - I am just learning the ropes myself so don't feel capable of helping other new starters and worried that they will follow my mistakes.
Today I was again partnered with a slightly newer member of staff and we made numerous mistakes during our shift - none harmful, but enough to make me feel we were not offering satisfactory care. These mistakes were also highlighted by another caregiver on the staff group chat, so my self esteem and confidence are at an all time low tonight.
I am starting to wonder if the job is right for me - fundementally I am enjoying the care side, it is just all the admin and technology I am struggling to get used to, coupled with the pressure of feeling responsible for the other new staff.
Do I speak to someone at the agency, or just put it down to new job jitters and take a deep breath 'tomorrows another day'?
Thanks for reading and any advice gratefully received
xx