Having Healthy Happy Kids and Parents If Kids in Full-time Nursery - tips please!

[stripeybumpsmum]

Hi,

I don't want to start a debate about SAHM/working mums, I just need your practical tips please.

After maternity leave with DS I returned 3 full days a week when he was 8.5 mo (he is now 2.3). Had planned to return end of June on same terms when DD will be 32 weeks.

All change. DH is currently resigning from (lucrative) job to return to study for longer term better work/life balance (well just a life not involving 15 hour days and tossers really ). So I have to go back early - prob mid-end May - and full time.

Career wise this is a good move for me and do not resent it as I see it as long term gain.

BUT I am a mother and therefore contractually required to be guilty. Worried about effect on DC being in full time nursery - usual horror stories about agression. Until Sept, we will ramp up their time there (DH will stay at home). DD currently BF but we are just beginning weaning and plan to take it very gently - ideal would be to continue first and last BF and have bottles during day.

Happy with nursery, just want to maximise kids happiness and development in the time available.

So far I am thinking: weekend will be devoted to family stuff (not sure about house work/sleep - will do that one after I have cracked walking on water); GPs will still continue their visits and trips out with kids in my absence; ask friends we regularly have play dates with to still meet up occasionally at the weekend; brave the softplay DS loves at peak time

Questions:

How do you make your time with them each day special?
What do you do at weekends?
Anything else DH and I can do to help us and them?

PMSL at phone call to GP.

'I'm thinking of sending dd to nursery full time. I just thought you ought to know.'

newgirl, about the going outside, it depends on the nursery. My dcs' nursery takes them out regularly when the weather is good, even the babies in buggies. Lots of parks nearby, little excusions to the train station, local shops. Also an outside play area attached to the nursery. In fact, last week, when the weather was good, my ds spent almost the whole day outside.

Not that nurseries coop up their children.

My dd's nursery has a garden with a canopy over it and they spend much of their time outside, even on rainy days. They have little excursions too.

Oh yes re bf - I was lucky to be able to bf dd at lunchtimes (I work just up the road from the nursery) from 6mo to about 9/10mo. Thereafter I carried on morning and evening bf and sent in bottles for during the day. Worked really well for us.

Housework - you can't avoid doing some of it at weekend ime. I also think dc need to see you doing some cleaning etc - even at such an early age they need to know that it needs doing IYSWIM! Dd loves playing in the kitchen sink while I cook (I put in some bubbles and she does pretend washing up), or she helps me tidy the floor before hoovering etc.

Most housework we try to do in the evenings - 1 or 2 small jobs each day. We don't have a cleaner and we manage (admittedly with low standards!)

My DS and DD have both been through full time nursery since they were 12 months and 3 months.
Neither suffered with the viruses/illness worries that you are all mentioning. Eventually they got chickenpox, but caught that off DH who got shingles. Nursery were very understanding, and both DC were off for only 4 or 5 days in the end.

My DC both refer to weekends as 'home days' and love playing with their own toys etc. We try never to drag them shopping. They have a very full stimulated day during the week, and IMO dont need any more at the weekend. I am lucky my nursery is in the country, and they are outside most days (unless its raining) and have walks, visits to ducks/goats etc, or just playing in the garden.
At nursery they will do all the messy play/cooking/painting/play do/play foam, at least once per week.
Ours also has a very good healthy eating policy, and the peer pressure can sometimes be beficial in getting toddler to try new foods.
As parents we share the household chores - oh and yes, great idea about letting them visit your work, if that is possible.

Going out- at Ds's old nursery they virtually lived outside in the summer (fab nursery on a farm), and in the winter were out there twice a day unless it was actually raining - but would nip out between raining if poss. Everyone went out - babies in pushchairs or slings for a walk round the farm, or in the babywalkers in the playground, and in the summer on rugs on the grass etc.
At his new nursery they don't have as much space, but each age group have their own separate garden which is astroturfed so that they can go out as soon as it stops raining, with loads of toys, slides, and swings.
They also go out on little outings - the other week they took the toddlers on the bus to the next village to go to the playground.

DS has had two days off sick since he started - one runny bottom (teething), and one croup. Nurserys both fab about illness, even doing his chest physio when he got a partially collapse lung due to asthma.

I completely agree - some nurseries have fantastic garden spaces and are great at taking the children out. I also think there are many many good things about nurseries over childminders/nannies too -social aspects, support for the staff, great facilities and professional skills etc - it does depend on the op's nursery. Full time at ours would be very tiring i think - it is in a city centre.

Dd has not been ill that often. She does pick up a lot of sniffles etc but has rarely been ill enough to be kept away.

IIRC she has had 1 bout of diarrhoea, 2 bad colds, and chicken pox. That's in over 2 years of nursery.

I agree that a childminder, family member etc for a day can be benefitial. When i went through a nightmarish study/work period before getting married I was away on placements and just couldnt manage home before 6pm. My DS1 was 3 and started to misbehave in a big way at nursery, my first reaction was to pack it all in but after talking with nursey teacher I took him out mid-week and he had a childminder who watched him in our own house. It made a difference almost immediately. I'm not saying your kids will not cope, they probably will, most kids are way more resilient than we give them credit for. Its just something to consider. I do believe if I had been with my current DH then things would have been different...easier. (Sorry any single mums reading)

Guys, thank you. I am very reassured by your comments.

DH is great with kids - certainly does his share. I really resented his job before he resigned because he was missing out on so much. He is hoping to do PGCE to retrain as a teacher, so we are not naive it is going to be easy in the short term but longer term will be very beneficial to us as a family.

Each individual day will actually be easier for me - had I gone back as planned, I would have done three very long days, and with DH working silly hours, I would do both nursery drop off and pick up. Hopefully this way, DH will drop off so I can do early start and finish in time to get them for a few hours at home - absolutely agree getting them when overtired isn't the best for them or us.

DH is very pro just having chill out time for kids, letting them play. I agree but my worry is that we'll get 'chore-creep' when we end up ignoring the kids whilst we sort our lives out. Kind of hoped by having scheduled activities (meeting friends or whatever) we will be more discplined with keeping weekends just for the kids. Have to see how that one goes.

I am happy with nursery just not the cost! It is small, established and has a good OFSTED report and reputation. DS loves it - he is an active boy, and they have music dance time and outside play everyday. Today was 'Wacky Races'. He had a great suntan last year! Babies go out too to watch/sleep in the shade so DD will get plenty of fresh air. Finding well over a grand each month for the two of them makes me wince but overall I do think value for money. For me personally, I didn't want kids to have 1-2-1 relationship with CM or nanny, and I like that they have a wide group of playmates. That said, DS has formed strong attachment to main carer in each classroom he's been in but I find that reassuring. Nursery has strong links to local school (pre-after school club) and GP (HV regular liaison between). DS wasn't too ill in his first year but in any case, I have held holiday back for that contingency. I do think they build their immune system up (nursery are certainly not as officious as some).

Re cleaning - I'd say I am on the slightly obsessive end of the continuum so I do need to work on relaxing about it I think. My parents are hyper tidy though...am thinking my Dad gets quite bored...AIBU to get him in to do me some tidying? I know it drives him mad to see what he thinks of as our shoddy work!. We are also on eco-kick/cash economising - trying to do as much dishwasher/washing machine stuff on Economy 7. So nice unintended consequence is that hopefully some housework done when kids asleep.

Already batch-cook, which works well for us. Although last big cook was done in rather a rush before DD arrival so didn't actually label the food parcels before freezing. Still, Spaghetti Chilli Con Carne and Shepherds Pie with Rice kind of works...It is a surprise every night.

Thanks again, much appreciated advice.