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What to do- my boss might be gaslighting/bullying me

12 replies

PonderThus · 01/06/2024 19:55

I’m in a job I’ve been doing for a couple of years. I’ve received good reviews etc and my team have given good feedback. My boss commissioned a set of targets for me team and he got the maths wrong, this has led to impossible to meet financial targets. In addition a director from another dept wants us shut down as he wants to lead on what we do.
I went to my boss to say this pressure is getting to me, it’s been a tough couple of years. They don’t want to hear it though and told me that they and I should anticipate being made redundant at some point. I work in a sector where redundancy is less frequent etc. and there is no basis for this comment.
He also accused me of being too intense, but gave no examples and said I try to get information from people at work to use it for power!!! I have never and probably would be too scared to ever do that!

I feel that the only way I’m going to get on is to keep my head down, not have any opinions and agree with everything he says- he seems to be happy when I do that.
I just feel so sad, I love where I work and what I do but am feeling more and more vulnerable. I did try to raise some of this with his boss but it backfired and they seem to back each other up.
It feels like I’m being controlled by fear and I don’t know what to do. I’ve been looking for other jobs but there’s nothing really available at the moment. I need to develop a strategy to get through this. I also have a significant health issue (disabled) so excessive stress isn’t good for me. Any request regarding that fall on deaf ears or I get told to be more resilient.
Any advice from anyone on how to maybe manage this situation better?

OP posts:
Jammylou · 01/06/2024 21:32

I'm.in a similar position. Very challenging.

Emotionalsobriety · 01/06/2024 21:38

Join the club. Will post again….

JustPleachy · 01/06/2024 21:41

I’m genuinely wondering if we have the same boss. No advice unfortunately, but solidarity Flowers

Emotionalsobriety · 01/06/2024 21:43

Being “laid back” (or appearing to be so) and being “positive” are more valued than working hard I think.

someone posted here that if you are explaining or apologising you are losing. I think this is true.

PonderThus · 01/06/2024 21:44

That’s an interesting concept about the apologising or explaining- do you mean to stop doing that, so that you just get on with it and don’t ask for feedback etc? Like the ‘don’t complain, don’t explain’ mantra?

OP posts:
Emotionalsobriety · 01/06/2024 21:47

I think so. I’m an open book (ADHD) so I can’t implement it.

Emotionalsobriety · 01/06/2024 21:48

I also get told I’m intense…

PonderThus · 01/06/2024 21:57

Thanks for sharing, I really appreciate it. Interesting you mention you have adhd, my brother and cousin were just formally diagnosed as having it too. I wonder if I may have a tendency to over share?
I don’t think I’ve been intense, I just get very passionate about stuff and want to do well. He say I’m intense when I don’t agree with him and try to explain other ways to approach things- that will stop from next week!

OP posts:
Emotionalsobriety · 01/06/2024 22:13

Are you impulsive too?

PonderThus · 01/06/2024 22:17

I can be, but I can also have strong will power in an all or nothing type way. I do overthink A LOT

OP posts:
Emotionalsobriety · 02/06/2024 10:23

Yes, I overthink. I’m a problem-solver and have to be pointed in the right direction.
it takes me a long time to figure out which problems need solving, which ones are unsolvable and which ones are best left alone.

Jammylou · 02/06/2024 12:12

Was this an Acting Up or FTC temporary? Or secondment.
It does make a difference.
Did they say you could return to your original post at the end of contract.

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