Tricky situation with client - please advise-lawyers advbice particularly welcome!

[lisalisa]

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OK Lisa, I cannot avoid being sexist, he is a man, being a man myself I speak with authority, it is rare, neigh impossible to find a man who will multi task like a women in the friendship/ business relationships you are having with this guy. This, coupled with his partner giving him hassle that you are a successful woman competitor to herself. The man will generally go with the easier option and wimp out and at times block you out.

This does not mean that this guy is being rude his mind cannot cope with the input you are giving him.

I believe you should stop. Assess what area is more important to you either the financial or the emotional issue, talk to him about it and then stick to one track.

Good luck there are other fish in the sea, good friends are harder to find......

Matt

Hi Lisa. It sounds like the boundaries between the personal and professional relationship have become mixed up and he has become confused as to what his professional relationship with you entails. I don't think that he finds anything wrong with you in a professional capacity, it sounds as though you have become too much of a friend to him. I agree with MrsYve, personal and professional don't mix well together.

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People just move on sometimes, that's just how things are. I bet you have had friends that you have grown out of, a professional relationship is like this aswell. Don't beat yourself up over it, it's just how things work sometimes. It's his loss, not yours.

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15 years is a long time. People move on. If he has changed the way he does business perhaps he wants different people to do business with, and sorry but
'There was a time years ago when we woulde chat for ( literally ) hours on the phone about all sorts after the work situation had been discussed'

Major blurring of professional/personal stuff imo.
Perhaps he just wants someone he can ring up, talk about the work, and then get on with his day, not chat for hours about all things personal.

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It's a tricky one, but I think you have to take it on the chin. One action I would take is to have a client satisfaction survey undertaken - I think these really help because they provide a forum where the things that are too difficult to say from clients face to face can be aired. Just be the good lawyer that you are and stay strong.

Could there be any kind of 'conflict of interest' with another lawyer/project in your firm? Has the change been more since you have worked for the new firm? Does he already know someone at the firm who he's not keen on? Just ideas.

lisalisa if you are his lawyer you ought to be able to ask him why he didn't instruct you for a particular piece of work, rather than just stewing about it? I think by doing that you are making it into a huge big deal which it may not be.

I'm not a lawyer as you know, but certainly if I found out a client, particularly one I'd been so friendly with for such a long time, had gone elsewhere for something I feel I could have helped with, I would ask. DH is a lawyer, as you also know, and I know he'd do the same.

I'd have a meeting and say I wanted to review how things were going and address it. There may be a good reason. There may not be. But at least you'll know, and if it's a performance/quality issue, you can discuss addressing it. I don't think you need to walk away from him completely without at least finding out what the issue is and seeing if it's something you can sort out together. For your own peace of mind if anything.

Hope you get it sorted.

lisalisa just had a chat with DH about this. He would definitely ask to find out what the problem was and see if it was anything he could address. When you're concerned about how much revenue you're bringing in you can't afford not to ask really.

I'm not sure what you mean if you say if you ask the balance would 'swing away from you'? He's the client and you want his business, that's surely more important than whether he is sufficiently 'in awe' of you....?

Another good point DH made, when I said you were concerned about redundancies in your firm, he asked whether the client knows about the financial difficulties where you are, as he may (very reasonably) have concerns about instructing a firm in those difficulties.

Actually I am really surprised at that blurring between professional and work. I don't think I've ever had anything like that kind of a close relationship with anyone I worked with, although perhaps that is where I've been going wrong!

People change lawyers all the time. It's not an issue. It's their right. They might have found someone who is cheaper, prettier, or male or better or someone on the board or their bank told them to use someone else. A whole load of reasons.

In some ways asking him about it is saying - I am desperate for work so I'm not sure that's always the best thing to do but may be try asking him. it may be the new firm is not as good for him in some ways as the last.

Hi Lisalisa, I've only read your OP but I think you ought to talk to him and be v direct and ask. There might be something you really don't know about, like his wife's sister wanted the deal for her firm or something like that. Or his trusted accountant said you ought to put it out to tender to xyz firm or something. I bet there's something that's nothing to do with you but is external and personal to him. But you'll never know unless you ask him. It doesn't have to be a confrontation, it could be a conversation. Or maybe he's got some information that you don't know about and haven't had the chance to give your view on? All any of us can do (inc you) is speculate, you'll never really know unless you ask him. And I think he ought to tell you in view of your previous close friendshp/

lisalisa back again.

Do you know what firm he's instructed? Something else DH has said - he works for a Magic Circle firm and they are obviously very expensive. Lots of their smaller clients can't afford to instruct them for everything but they do decide at some point that they want to be able to say that XXX are their lawyers so instruct them for some of the 'bigger' work, carrying on with previous lawyers for smaller stuff.

I don't know what kind of firm you work for or who he's now instructed but that's another reason it could be.

I'm really off now!

maybe his wife is jealous and asked him to distance himself from you.

Professionally I would be very hurt too. I would ask for a meeting, and be open about my concerns - from a professional point of view wanting to know if you had done anything he wasn't happy with.

I would also leave the meeting saying that your personal relationship is very important to you, and that you would not wish to spoil that.

Maybe it comes down to cost. He may have found someone else who will do the job as well for less cost. I know that dh (commercial lawyer in provincial firm) has a client who came to him for something fairly minor - he usually used a London firm. He was so impressed with dh's work that he transferred all of his business to him. Smart business move because, in his words, he was getting a better service for less cost.

If he is easing his business away from you, you have nothing to lose by asking him directly if there is a problem.

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lisalisa - glad it worked out! Fwiw, coming at it from the other side I would always choose to have at least 2 'main' firms of lawyers working for me, if half the fees I generate are enough to keep me in the 'valuable client' category iyswim.

That way, if one of them is unavailable (maternity, sickness, whatever), I still have the other to turn to and I'm not required to work with someone who - knowing that they are not building a long term relationship - will possibly not do as good a job for me.

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Xenia's viewpoint also appreciated.

lisalisa I am a little concerned about your dhs conv. with this man in which he said the bit about you maybe being hurt at not being consulted.

Is there not a professional code of conduct whereby you don't discuss work things with anyone (incuding your spouse) ? And your dh has thus landed you in it by revealing you do indeed discuss work stuff at home?and so client might be even LESS likely to use your services in future because confidentiality will NOT be assured?

I am genuinely curious.

Friend's husband is a lawyer and I know he tells her lots of stuff about his clients (which she then freely discusses with her friends including me)which has always made me feel uncomfortable

Blimey! DH won't discuss anything work related with me, even when the client has specifically instructed him to! It's bloody frustrating at times .

It's possible the husband knows this man is his wife's client because the man told the husband in the past. If not one wonders how he does know. My father was brilliant - never told us ever who his psychiatric patients were even if he were treating the mother of our best friend. I think I'm pretty good too. You can't even name names without permission. My father might say I was in Durham jail today. I saw a murderer but he'd never give any identifying details or any confidential details about the case.

I think I'm more worried about her friendship with a man other than her husband than the professional issues though!

No, and I accept that it may be different there.