How does everyone cope with not seeing their babies?

[HeadFairy]

I'm going back to work in 3 weeks and I've just found out that the shifts I'm doing mean I won't see my ds at all during the days I'm at work (I'll be doing 3 days one week and four the next). The hours are 7-7 and it's an hour to commute so I'll leave before he's up and back after he's gone to bed. I'm not worried about my childcare as my cm is brilliant, like family, but I'm devastated I won't see ds for up to four days at a time. I'm so dreading it, I well up every time I think about it. Are there any coping strategies or is it a case of gritting your teeth? I can't change the shifts but my only ray of sunshine is that it's only for 6 months and then I'm back to 11-11. Not seeing ds for days at a time is going to break my heart!

How olds your boy? I would change his 'routine' so he's a wake a little while when you're home.

Just think about the three days you'll be with him and that you're working to supprt him and give him a good life

Good luck xXx

Hiya, sorry about disappearance, dh dominated the pc for ages last night! ds is 6.5 mo. My sister suggested waking him up earlier, but I'm going to have to leave the house at 6am (he usually gets up at about 7am, sometimes 8!) so I'd have to get him up before 6am.

hmmm I'm still not sure about the shifts yet, but the 7-7 shift will mean leaving home at 6am and getting home after 8pm. I'm not sure if I'm just being totally selfish in waking him up for a cuddle or is it something he'd benefit from. I know in practical terms he won't forget who I am, but I can't bear the thought of not playing with him and hearing him laugh for four days in a row, every week.

My family would be horrified, my sister is a stickler for the gf routine, and my mum thinks all babies should be in bed by 7pm, but I think you're right. Half an hour with mummy at 8pm isn't going to kill him is it? DH is going to do the bedtime routine and he's pretty rubbish at sticking to bedtime (I always find him sitting up with ds watching football at 7.30pm when i've left him to do the bedtime!) so ds will probably still be up when I get home from work anyway.

I don't know why I'm getting all worked up about this, I guess I'm just very emotional about going back to work. Just had an afternoon walk and a go on the swings and popped in to the one o'clock club with ds and it was so lovely, I'll really miss all that, but I'm so lucky that effectively I will be working full time (40 hours a week) but only doing a 7 day fortnight so I'll have plenty of week days off with him. I'm just being silly aren't I?

Co-sleeping kept me as a working mum relatively (but only relatively) sane

you may find that your DS wakes up anyway once he's worked out what time you come home!
Good luck with the return you work - you may well find it easier than you expect...

I'm not too stuck on routines either anniemac, I think you're right a few minutes with mummy at 8pm has got to be better than not seeing me for four days. I have tried co sleeping, but I always end up sleeping really badly, totally stiff and tense. I'm sure I'm too scared to move in case I wake him up, so I stay frozen in the same position for ages, and deeply uncomfortable.

Thanks effieperrin, I do hope so. DS spent the morning with his cm today and it was strange being without him, but not as bad as I thought it would be. I was dreading it, but actually I had a lovely long bath, a nap and did loads of housework I'd never have done with him around, which meant I could spend the rest of the day doing lovely things with him.

Enjoy your baths, headfairy, and child-free time. I found that once I got into work, I really welcomed the break and did not miss dcs very much at all (I am pt though) - I too co-sleep like other posters and bf as well.

I think I might enjoy it too much!

Hi blueshoes... that's for reassurance. I'm sure I will enjoy it when I go back. Yesterday wasn't nearly as bad as I thought, I didn't get a big lump in my throat as I left him. I've arranged with the cm to drop ds off with her for a few hours another few more days so we can both get used to the idea of being apart from each other so it's not such a shock when we do it for real.

As a side note I've been trying to drop ds' 11pm dream feed and it's gone really badly, he's been waking up two or three times a night pretty hungry, so I reintroduced it last night and we had a blissful full nights' sleep, so I think I'm going to carry that on a bit longer, which I'll still be able to do once I'm back at work. That's made me feel a lot better too, as I won't have to express to keep the milk supply going, and I'll get to spend a few minutes with him while he feeds (not that he's very alert, he usually sleeps through the whole thing!)

Ways to cope:

If you enjoy your job I think it's about 100x easier.
I found it easier not to have photos up at work or think about the baby too much. Just separated it a bit in my mind.
Focus on the days you have got at home, 3-4 days a week means you'll see the baby much more than if you were 5 days, make plans for those days at home and enjoy them.
It does get easier, for many of us, once you get used to it.
Make sure you are really happy with the childcare, knowing your baby is happy and well cared for is very reassuring.

Thanks for your post fennel... great advice.

I'm starting a new job, but I'm sure it'll be great. I'm trying to focus on the fact that it's something new and exciting. I'm not in an office, I'm out on the road, so that will really help, as I won't really have time to brood. My cm is fantastic, she's the same one my sister uses and her youngest dd still goes there so my ds will have his little cousin to play with as well as all the other children. I really am very lucky, I must keep reminding myself of that!