Going back to work, does anyone else feel the crippling pressure to do *something* ?

[NameChangingMancMidlander]

I'm a SAHM, and have been ever since my 2y4m DD was a 29 week old foetus. DH and I also have 2 other children, 2 boys aged 11 & 12.5 from his first marriage. DD will soon be attending nursery for 2 afternoon sessions a week, which has brought the terrifying realisation that my time at home with her is almost up. It felt like we'd be at home together forever, but as pre-schooldom looms large, I'm ever more conscious of the fact that she will soon be leaving me with a lot of time on my hands.

I'm aware that I will have to return to work (not for finacial reasons alone, as my DH can afford to continue to support me a SAHM indefinitely). I feel the maternal pressure from within myself to support DD, as though my role of support has now changed from one within the home, to a financial responsibility. I need to know that should anything happen to my DH or our relationship, that I can afford to support my family without his financial support. For this reason I know I need a relatively high paying job.

I left school at 16, with excellent GCSEs and prospects, for family reasons. I'm now 22 and all I have are these 10 high grade GCSEs, which count for very little in career terms. I'm aware that I need to gather more qualifications in order to fulfil my financial ambitions. I don't want to be financially dependent on my DH or others for the rest of my life.

The trouble is that I'm torn as to what to do. I always wanted to be a Dr, but with a family, a medical degree is no longer attainable. I believe I have the intellectual capacity for it but I know that I do not have the stamina to devote to such a long and demanding course. The shifts as a student doc are ridiculous and you are still expected to find time to study. It is difficult enough to balance as a young single person with no children, as a wife & parent of 3 it will be nigh on impossible. So I thought about nursing, I thought for a long time (5 years+), but the more I think about it, the less sure I am that it's what I want.

Now I'm just not sure at all where I want to take myself. I know I have the potential and I so don't want to waste it. My Mum spent her years working in an office, she always wanted to be a nurse, and she got to 40 and felt like she'd wasted her life doing admin work . I really don't want that to happen, although I can see that it would if I went back to thd admin type jobs I was doing pre-DD.

I know this is massively long and rambly, and I'm not looking for answers, I'm the only one that can give them. But I just want to know that I'm not the only one who feels like this. Before, when dd was tiny, all I felt was an incredible emotional responsibility to her, I was happy for DH to bear the financial responsibility. Now that she is older, I feel the financial side too. Don't get me wrong, we are in no financial dire straits and neither is my DH pushing me to earn in any way. But I feel the pressure from within myself. It all feels so HUGE

Thanks for reading this vent/outpouring. I commend you for getting this far !

xxx

suedonim - love DS1's planning

I meant to say 'wants' not 'ones'. God knows where that came from !!!

Have you taken A levels or do you plan on doing them first? If you plan to do them why dont you just do science based ones to cover the medical side and see where it takes you?

I always planned on being a doctor but changed my mind when I didn't get the A levels I needed and went on to do engineering and am now just finishing an engineering PhD. Obviously I'm not saying you wont get the qualifications but there are lots of medical avenues to explore (ive got friends who did pharmacology, biochemistry, medicine and radiology who all did the same A levels as me!)

I'll have to do some sort of entrance qualification, either an access course or a set of a-levels. Although I'm confused by the access course, it seems v simplistic (going over old GCSE ground and not much else), compared to the more difficult and time consuming a-level route. I don't understand how they can be equal in terms of academic substance, IYSWIM.

The OU does a lot of health type courses. I know that they are trying to set up degree in medicine but, from what I've read, it will be open to graduates only at first. If you are still vaguely interested in nursing, what about mental health nursing? OU does a course for that.

I think most people have doubts about their career choices at whatever age. You're lucky enough to be mature enough to think about them seriously at a very young age.

OU health & social care courses

I've looked at the OU courses many times.A large portion of the health courses are only open to those being sponsored by their employers .

Ah, sorry, didn't read the details on them. If there were any you were particularly interested in maybe worth contacting them to discuss?

TBH, I can do their equivalent basic courses cheaper at my local colleges.

Know what you mean about the access course thing, seems very strange. Thing I would consider though is that in my experience university courses are generally aimed as a follow on for people who've done A levels and I know some people found the degree much more difficult when they hadn't covered all the A level material.

May also be easier to get into the university of choice with a very good set of A levels rather than having done a foundation year/access course? Also not sure but it is possible that graduate employers may prefer good points at A level rather than an access course without any previous relevant employment experience?

Just things to think about I suppose, perhaps a couple of admissions tutors in a local university would be a good place to start?

NCMM, ds1 even tells me they're going to have girls - dunno how you plan that one, lol!!!

I'm sure an access course would be fine; presumably you then do a pre-med year which brings you up to speed with others who have the relevant A Levels. Ds2 got a First in psychology last summer and he was offered a place in third year medicine, even though he doesn't know the first thing about bodies apart from brains! He turned it down in favour of a PhD.

Have you considered pharmacy? Pharmacist's roles seem to be expanding all the time and it's interesting work.

It's an interesting field, I know that Socci's DH is one, perhaps I could pick their brains ?!

Charlie, I think I would feel more comfortable with an a-level understanding, TBH. I do have previous experience of working in minor clinical roles in the NHS (in the labs).

NCMM - have you considered going to a career's counsellor? They'd have more of the uptodate information on various fields and what qualifications/courses were best for that? It'd be horrible to spend loads of time & money on a course, get to the end of it and find that it's not exactly what you needed to get into the field you want the most...

They also might be able to help clarify your mind on what field is best dependant on circumstances/ability/interest.

Hi, I've just got a few things to mention.

I would say that if you want to do medicine you would have to be absolutely sure that this is what you want. I teach medical students and it is a hellishly hard and intense course. Most universities do now integrate clinical work from very early in the course so you would need to be quite flexible about childcare. I have never come across anyone doing medicine from an access course- I think you're right to be wary of this route TBH. I have lectured to quite a few straight science students who have done access courses when I was in London, and they nearly all struggled with uni in the first year as they really weren't starting from the same level as the A level students. However, this must depend on the access course and on the degree, I realise. In medicine the students who have done Highers as opposed to A levels also find the first year very hard going. If you're really certain medicine is for you maybe you could look into courses like the one at St George's where they take students from all sorts of professional backgrounds?

I would second the suggestion of pharmacy- it's such a potentially family friendly career with so many options, and a good, intellectually stretching degree course. Good luck, whatever you decide

Have you thought of posting on the 'student parents' section to see how other people are getting on with the courses they are doing? They might have some interesting things to say.

Thank you all for your posts, particularly tamum, very very interesting. I'll certainly look into Pharmacy

Have you thought of midwifery? it's a demanding 4 year course I think, but it might be a good half-way house between nurse and doctor?

I've done a fair bit of research and I've decided on a Radiography degree. I've contacted the college re their access course (one of only two offered nationwide) and it looks like I'll be starting in Sept

Oh fab! I kept wondering what you had decided. I think it's an excellent choice- intellectually challenging but not absolutely all-consuming in the same way as pure medicine (I'm guessing here mind!). That's great that you have got the access course sorted too, well done

I contacted the college about the access course because I had reservations about the suitability of access courses in general. Having voiced my concerns about the course not prepping me as much as I'd like for a degree (ie, how can it be the same level as 3 a levels when it is only one year in duration etc), I was reassured that the course was developed specifically for the degree course at the university I plan to study with. The college literally went to the uni and asked them what they were looking for in students for that course and they gave the college a list of things and they took it away and tailored this course to fit .

Lots of maths and lots of physics

Great news. I have procrastinated for 6 years about doing further education (most likely PGCE as already have english degree) but have not done it. Although I've been working all that time too (in between short breaks for babies), I still think, should I do the degree, should I make a break and go for it? And I've still not dismissed the idea. But you have inspired me, I'm going to do some research now on the internet!

That sounds perfect (well, apart from the physics bit )- I think vocational access courses like that are ideal ways to get in, it's only the more general (whole of biology type) ones that cause problems later. Loads better to do a tailored course in a year if it's right for the degree course. Well done- you've come so far in 10 days when you read your first post on this thread!

Thank you, tamum . I feel like I'm on the right track now.

bighug- thanks for your posts . I think you should do it if it really is what you want to do. Bets of luck with your research and let us know what you decide. x

Thanks Namechangingmancmidlander! Isn't Mumsnet a lovely and warm place? I have just sent an email of enquiry to my local University (I am in South London). I have a slight problem in that my first degree is a Third (although from Cambridge University) and most PGCE courses require 2.2 at least. I always felt very hard done by with my degree class as the actual average of my papers in my finals was 2.2, but at bloody Cambridge if two out of five papers are Thirds, then you automatically get a Third overall, no matter what the other papers were (mine were two 2.2s and one 2.1). I think I should have got a 2.2!!! Sorry just HAD to get that off my chest!

P.S I always wanted to be a doctor and I still do in fantasy land! But I couldn't face the science 'A' levels and so at 16 I made the decision that I was never going to do it. Still, perhaps primary teaching will fulfil my ambitions to "make a difference".