Getting over the loss of a much-loved job...

[GazillionPens]

I loved my job. I have done various versions of it in the last 30 years.

Then two years ago, the team dynamic changed with a new manager. I moved sideways. Then joined a team which turned out to have a bullying problem. I wasn't the target but witnessed really inappropriate behaviour.

I raised a grievance. It didn't go well.

Then I had a bad attack of shingles and ended up being off work for several weeks. I felt utterly ignored by my workplace. It really felt as if they were glad I wasn't there.

I went back a month ago, since then I feel tolerated, at best, but generally made to feel as if I'm a dead weight.

I'm going to leave. But feel so demoralised I wonder if I've lost all joy for work and so should retire instead.

Has anyone felt like this about work? It's only 5 years since I was a shining star (sort of!) and now I'm uncared for and feel out of place.

Yes, I had exactly this. It's horrible to feel so rejected. I was told I was a 'pain in the arse' after being a shing star for 25 years. I jumped before I was pushed and actually semi retired rather than find another job.

I didn't get so much as a goodbye when I left. It just ended as if I'd never existed which was very hurtful.

Yes, me too. I was working for a place for about 13 years and really loved it - but things started to go downhill a few years ago. Being asked to do way too much and crap management - the previous good 'team spirit' started to dissipate until there was none left. No-one seemed to be enjoying their previously rewarding job. Outside influences were also a negative factor.

I should have made a more concerted effort to leave as it really affected my mental health.

I really thought I'd be the first to go - so was really shocked when four of the team resigned (with no job to go to).

I followed suit pretty quickly and, in the last year, over half the team has left. (Many taking years of experience with them.)

Same for me, 15 years and went from hero to zero in the last year due to management change. After giving my all for a lot of years.

Luckily voluntary redundancy opportunity came up and I took it. I got a new and better job within a few weeks and I'm loving it. Getting good recognition but I refuse to go over and above like I did previously. After all you're just a number.

Similar.
Had a job I loved for 5 yrs working with someone id worked with elsewhere for 17 yrs on and off.
Very long hours and zero weekends off.
Left for a Mon to Fri.
However I was treated really poorly and missed my old job.
Finally got another one that is better hours and treated with respect.
Losing a long term job is like grief.
I hope you find a lovely new one.

Yes - this all sounds similar. I feel I've always known I'm just a number but they didn't have to not give a shit quite so easily. I'm upset the job itself isn't what it was. Even if the work is the same.

And it's not as if they are having a lovely time without me. They are all miserable and complaining constantly

Any chance of a payoff.
I have been there where it has turned on a sixpence!
Stressful times, but just do everything to the best of your ability without raising a sweat, would be my advise.

Yes. I think I need to use this as a wake up call to getting satisfaction away from work. I've felt like I had a good balance at one point. But now work isn't good, I realise I got a lot of self-worth through work, and being (very) good at it.

That needs to change.

No chance of a payoff sadly. I've been there so long it'll never happen.

Same. Last year they paid me 3 bonuses (standard is one), got glowing reviews.

Then I was off ill for a couple of months and was totally sidelined when I came back.

I'm now being made redundant which actually absolutely suits me fine.

Just depressing to have my performance disparaged when in fact the redundancy is due to restructuring within the team.

Yes. Grieve, cry a bit, then recover and sadly see it for what it was. I worked in a place for 13 years that was insolvent, then 3 years gave my all, sham redundancy, cried. Healed and 3 months into new job. Your'll get there.

Are you at a point where you can afford to retire or take an easier or part- time role to ease towards retirement or are you really looking for your current role or better elsewhere?

It's hard to go from "how would we manage without you?" to "oh, are you still here - how boring of you".

I need to get over myself I think!

@GOODCAT We could manage without my wage. DH earns well and I have a good pension for the future. Very lucky in that regard.

I think it's helpful to think of workplaces as organic and changing. It's not you, it's that the dynamic has changed and what's probably more unusual is to have been happy there for so long.

I would definitely ask for a payout though: put it as 'clearly my face doesn't fit anymore, so either I start phoning it in or you pay for my face to go away.' Might you have a case for constructive dismissal? That usually focuses the mind...

In that case I would look forward.

I feel for you as I have been going through similar but not ready financially to retire and don't feel ready for that anyway. My current back up plan after exploring further my options where I am, is retraining or going for more of a portfolio career and do a series of different job, but I would be better off where I am if I stick it out for another 6 or 7 years.