Dealing with burnout/bullying and looking for a new role?

[Blacknailer]

Long story short I'm currently raising a grievance within the large org I work for, harassment, discrimination etc.

It's been rough and my mental health is really suffering. I'm having therapy but right now can barely function at work and am going to have to take stress related leave (again). Constant panic attacks etc
Naturally it's had a massive impact on my self confidence. I'm hoping to agree some kind of settlement and leave.

Financially I'll be ok for a while (particularly if they pay me), but of course I'll need a new job.

It's not great to be out of the market for long in my very externally based role, and I'm really worried it's going to look suspicious or like I left under a cloud.

But apart from the question of actually finding a (niche, senior, well paid) job, I'd love thoughts on how to handle my current burnout, low confidence, general inability to work and get to the point where I can do a great job in my next role. I'm worried all this is going to poison whatever I do next.

I feel like I'm going to fail next time or that I'm just not cut out for this kind of job (relevant probably that I'm 17 years into my career).

Do I just need to accept that I will have to take a long break in spite of the potential financial and reputational impact?

What kind of therapy are you having?

Bullying / harassment can be experienced as trauma and disrupt your ability to feel safe. Some of that will naturally start to resolve once you are no longer in the "threatening" situation. Some of it might take a bit of work to relearn how to feel safe.

https://www.carolynspring.com/podcast/trauma-is-feeling-unsafe/

I could have written this- I’ve been going through the same thing. I haven’t got the answers so much as I have a lot of the same worries but I would recommend that you immediately start applying for roles. If nothing else, going to interviews has helped boost my confidence slightly and I’ve had a few offers to consider showing that I have a lot of sought after experience.

I’m worried that they may eventually find out that I left under a cloud and it will come back to haunt me which seems incredibly unfair as I did nothing wrong and worked incredibly hard at my job.

Good luck! I’ve signed up for talking therapies from the NHS and I’m planning to find a therapist to help with my anxiety and confidence.

Thanks for your responses and I'm sorry @Peewee233 you're going through the same thing.
Maybe it wouldn't hurt to interview even just for practice.
Thanks also for the podcast, I'll give it a listen.
It feels ridiculous to be this impacted by work stuff when there are people going through things that are so much worse, but it's still really hard!

I recently left a job that was frankly traumatic - I was sexually harassed in a reportable to the police way more than once and it was a generally very toxic environment. I couldn't cope without weekly therapy and was thoroughly burned out. Most of the time there was light at the end of the tunnel and I felt really hopeless.

I've found the best tonic to be getting a job somewhere else, I now work in a "normal" workplace, it has its moments like any job but everyone is respectful and hard working and toxic behaviour isn't tolerated.

For the first 3 months in my new role I was on high alert - worried the old job would come back to haunt me and also that the new job would turn out the same. Now 8 months in I don't even think about the old place, it feels like a million miles away. I still go to therapy but infrequently now, more a "just in case".

I didn't take a break between jobs aside from using up the 2 weeks annual leave they owed me.

@shuffleofftobuffalo so sorry to hear that.

It’s interesting what you say about not taking a break. I’ll have to make a decision imminently about whether to take a break or go straight back in to work- my partner and family think I need a break and I understand why - my anxiety has been through the roof, I’ve never felt so unwell BUT I’m also worried about waiting around for months before I start, worrying about whether the job will be a disaster/ they’ll cancel my contract if they find out that it wasn’t plain sailing at the end of my last job.

Yes people have advised me to take a break, I don't know. The issues in my current workplace mean I'm now performing really badly even though I actually wasn't before, I was doing a great job. Need to keep reminding myself of that.
It's likely to take time to find a new job anyway so maybe best to start looking now. I'll have three months notice/gardening leave anyway.

@Blacknailer Do you have a strategy for leaving?

Every situation is different so you need to consider your own, but if you know you don’t want to stay there and your performance is going downhill because of the situation it may be worth getting out before they have a reason to get rid of you. It also puts you in a stronger position to negotiate a more favourable exit. The legal advice I received was that if you know you’re going to go anyway, don’t bother waiting for the grievance procedure to run its course, submit it, let it sink in and then your solicitor will take over.

I’ve recently found out that the NHS talking therapies offers a separate service which focuses on supporting people going back in to work. They signed me up last week and I have my first call this week so the waiting list isn’t long. I think they talk through your worries(low confidence, catastrophising, getting through probation etc) and can offer support, advice and just someone to talk to.

I’ve recently found out that the NHS talking therapies offers a separate service which focuses on supporting people going back in to work. They signed me up last week and I have my first call this week so the waiting list isn’t long. I think they talk through your worries(low confidence, catastrophising, getting through probation etc) and can offer support, advice and just someone to talk to.

Is this the Able Futures/ Maximus Access to Work Mental Health Support Service from the DWP? Or something else?

I know AtoW don't have waiting lists at the moment and it sounds like what you might be describing.

https://able-futures.co.uk/individuals

https://atw.maximusuk.co.uk/

https://www.gov.uk/access-to-work

@atticstage mine comes under “Talking Therapies” and is provided by the NHS so I’m not sure if it’s the same thing.

Thank you. As an update I'm now discussing a settlement and they are investigating a grievance alongside.

I'm starting therapy shortly!

@Blacknailer first off a virtual hand hold.

Take time out. Honestly nothing is worth your health. There will always be another role elsewhere.