Would you tolerate this comment from a male colleague (subcontractor)?

[thirdistheonewiththehairychest]

A bit of context:

We have a meeting booked in with a potential new client in London next week. This subcontractor 'A' helps with our business development is the person who has made the initial contact - the meeting next week is our first introduction.

We have decided that our MD will be the person to be introduced to the client on this initial visit and that I will go along for the pre-brief and de-brief so that I can understand the agenda and help to formulate a plan-of-action following the meeting.

Anyway, we told 'A' this afternoon that this is the plan. While I was explaining, a smirk started to slowly appear on his face and then he said "I see what's happening. You just want a day shopping in London don't you?"

Errr no. I am the company director for client relations. I'm coming because I feel I have something helpful to contribute to the discussion. And I don't appreciate the sexist undertones of his remark.

In the moment I responded with a bit of a cool 'Something like that' and quickly wrapped up the call, but if this happened to you, would you be speaking to him about it tomorrow?

This is a new thing for me (working within a very male-dominated industry) and I don't want to overreact but I feel like that is the kind of comment that shouldn't be left unchallenged.

I imagine he picked up on your cool response and won't be doing that again

Was the MD on the call? How did he(?) react?

I couldn’t get too wound up about it - but if you’re that bothered, say something.
I do think it was probably just a bit of light-hearted banter though.

That is the way we talk at my work. And yes, it is benign sexism, which is irritating but you can mitigate. Misogyny is intolerable so I address that very seriously.

This one is a judgement call.

Hi, yes the MD was on the call - I probably should have explained further in my initial post but didn't want to be too rambly...

To make things slightly more awkward, the MD is my dad (family business). He responded with some equally stupid joke about me not inheriting my love of shopping from him (i.e. I inherited it from my mum 🙄)

I don't even like shopping.

To be honest, I could imagine a woman saying the same thing in jest, although probably only to a colleague she knew well.

He responded with some equally stupid joke about me not inheriting my love of shopping from him

Urg. I'd have a word with dad and say, "while I'm at work you need to behave as if I'm any other employee and not joke at my expense". What a plonker.

I’d have more problem with your dad’s response than the guys filler talk. Your dad not only reinforced the “women and their silly love of shopping” but also positioned you firmly as his silly daughter.

Knobs, the subcontractor and your dad. Yes, I would pick it up with both of them, hugely disrespectful of your professional standing.
And think very hard about whether you want him to have any more contracts from you in future

Yes, I think maybe you're right

I would find this very irritating. But at least you didn't react too strongly. Now they can't say "lives shopping, sensitive! Don't mention how much she loves shopping"

I’d speak to your dad and remind him it’s difficult enough for you working in a male dominated field without the stereotyping and casual sexism. The contractor should have got the message from your cool response but if he makes one more ‘joke’ like that I’d have a word.

Yeh that would have felt like a betrayal.

Not in front of anybody but once my dad saw ne coming back to HIS HOUSE with shopping bags and made some stupid comment about me loving shopping. I had light bulbs, a bath mat, hangers, ant bait, all stuff somebody needed to buy, god knows why that somebody had to be me! I LET HIM HAVE IT.

He has got through life never going to shops which is nice for him.

Thanks everyone. I spoke to both this morning. 'A' was mortified and apologised profusely. And my dad acknowledged that it was a silly comment and that I had done the right thing in challenging it.

I had similar this week. A male colleague on a Teams meeting made reference to something that he thought the only other male on the call would be qualified to answer, despite me being qualified in the same area and a senior manager. It was a sexist assumption and I was also cool in my response.

Well done you. Maybe this will make them sit up and do something about their ingrained misogyny.

You're wildly optimistic hoping that these dinosaurs will "get" a "cool response."