Signed off-how do you not feel guilt?

[NotmySundaybest]

I've been signed off by GP today for 4 weeks stress related. To cut a long story short I should have done it sooner.
This is totally not me. I am never off.
How'd you overcome the guilt and paranoia whilst being off? If I carry on like this it'll make me worse for being off.

You need to tell yourself that you are important and only you can take care of YOU.

Another context is to think from an employer POV. It's their job to manage extenuating circumstances and not yours. 4weeks is only a blip, you are not signing off for a year or something to feel this anxious.

Everything will be fine. If you don't slow down and be gentle with yourself, that affects your long teem health.

Do not feel the guilt that the employer wont feel toward you.

I'm in management & worry about team or who will fill in for me.

I find it helpful to think of what I think when one of my colleagues is off, generally it is just concern for that person, try and extend the same kindness to yourself.

By working on how you can feel better. It might be some kind of talking therapy, it might be making serious decisions about your future in that job or it might be taking steps to change things.
But sitting on the sofa for 4 weeks watching the date loom ever closer to going back to work won’t change a thing and you’ll be back to square one (I’m not saying this is what you’re going to do by the way!!).
But if you are actively working through what’s wrong you’re trying to help yourself and you couldn’t possibly feel guilty if you are putting the effort into getting back on your feet.
Hope you pick up soon 💐

I'm struggling with this op. Currently off for 4 weeks due to an operation. I feel terrible guilt for 'burdening' my colleagues. People keep telling me to not be daft and take the time for me. So I shall pass that on to you, and try to also take my own advice.

100% agree.

What exactly do you feel guilty about? You need to prioritise your own well being rather than worrying about the company. It's just not worth it. The company will survive without you while you are not there.

Take this time to concentrate on yourself.

I'm in the same position and am in week 3 of being off now. The first week I felt terrible guilt. I kept myself busy doing housework, getting out for walks etc.

Week 3 now and I feel so much better. I'm sleeping better, eating better, managing some exercise, not on edge all the time any more.

The work stress is not your fault, so it's not you that should be feeling guilty about it. I hope you can start to relax soon.

By the way - If you're in any work WhatsApp groups etc, archive them so you don't see the notifications.

You will feel so much better after you have cleared your mind.

Would you feel guilty if you had broken your leg or just had major surgery?

Your health is your health, whether it’s mental or physical.

It’s better to have 4 weeks off, than fully break down and need months or more off.

You have nothing to feel guilty about.
Take the time to get better and you’ll go back healthier and stronger.

@Choochoo21 yes I would feel guilty! I hate leaving my team in the lurch and struggling, it’s a horrible feeling when your manager disappears and you’re left carrying all the work.

I remember working somewhere that created a rota so the staff could fetch a girl with a broken leg to the office daily, take her to and from medical appointments and then take her home after work each day. She wasn’t in a critically important job, they just wanted her in work and she felt she couldn’t say no. That set the tone for my career to be honest!

See my comment. I feel terrible currently being off work, and I had my knee replaced 2.5 weeks ago!

It's hard sometimes to allow yourself time. Regardless of your situation.

Think long term.

You are/your business is investing in you having time now so you can do a good job whenever it is right to go back.

I have CFS and sometimes end up having moths off (after a Covid infection).

If colleagues have even been off I have never felt oh god workshy bastards, I have always thought, fair enough they are sensibly taking time off to get better.

I was more annoyed by the people who played the martyr and limped in with broken ankles, flue or whatever.

They really make me feel 🙄. Be gentle with yourself. You only have one you!

I don't know. I really need to get signed off for stress but I am 'soldiering on' (badly) because I feel awful leaving my team. There has been stress for all of us but I have had the lion's share as the manager. I feel I can't leave them to deal with it without me but I'm almost worse than useless at the moment. I know what I need to do but it's not in my nature. But if it was anyone in my team feeling like I feel I would want them to go away and get better! It's ridiculous.

Surely this guilt is part of the problem in a way. In that you care very much about the company possibly more than your own health and wellbeing? No one is indispensable and other staff will find a way to cope. You need to focus on getting better. It will take time to destress as usually these situations have built up over a long period of time (like the boiling frog analogy). This time needs to be used to refocus on yourself and putting your needs first. Redrawing the boundaries between you and work so that you go back in a better position. If this is difficult I would recommend accessing some kind of talking support either through work or charities that may offer this. Good luck 😊

I didn't feel guilty, mind you I had a broken foot. Then sick leave before that I had Covid. I knew that they would have someone working my shifts no problem. If I had dropped dead they'd still carry one, so why worry about them. Or feel guilty for not being there.

Ask yourself

• If a staff member was stressed but didn’t take time off when they clearly need it - what would you do?
• what is the reason you value your own health so little?

Take the time and get better - stress kills it’s called a stroke, a heart attack etc

The guilt is a symptom of the stress. It’s part of you still trying to hang on and control things.

Think about a work colleague that you like. If they went off with stress how would you feel about them? Wouldn’t you just feel concern for them and relief that they were taking time to get better? You deserve the same.

My supervisor and boss were the ones who strongly encouraged me to get signed off as I was caring for my mum who was dying and they said a jobs a job. Family and your own mental health comes first.

You're easily replaced in the work place, not in life so you need to get well. Hope you're feeling better soon.

When I was signed off with stress, I was too poorly to worry about the office, i spent most of the time asleep apparently. I was in my 20s, so a while back, but I don't really remember any of it, I'm missing a year or so.

There are 4 out of a department of 7 off with stress where one of my kids works and they were understaffed to start with. The work isn't the type of work that can be ignored as other people are really depending on them.
I don't think there is an answer. If you are too stressed to work then you can't work. Maybe it would help if companies allowed people who were suffering from stress to try reduced hours (YES I do know that would help for some people)

Yes that's a very good point. I was trying to work out what I'm so worried about happening if I'm not there. Some things may not get done and this month's stats may be down a bit but the important things will be covered. It's just a symptom of the fact that work stress is pervasive in my mind at the moment. I can't put it down.