How do I support DH - redundancy & job hunting

[changedmyname24]

DH got made redundant in January & has been job searching ever since. He's 47 & was in TV, which is virtually impossible to get work in.

He's been trying all sorts but not much joy. Had an interview for a local authority job last week with good money, but didn't get that.

He has been offered a 15 hours per week job on just about NMW, but it's not enough. On the plus side, would give him plenty of free time to focus on writing, but that's about it. We are just about getting by on my wage plus Universal Credit & DLA, but it's hard.

He was a bit depressed before as his job was not good before he got made redundant & I'm scared this will set him back again. It can't be easy always looking & not much happening or succeeding.

Any tips on how I can support him much appreciated, also just good to get it out, not so easy to talk irl.

A lot of it about, sadly. My DH found out on Wednesday that his role is being made redundant.

My instinct is that he should immediately try to get any job, so he is at least bringing in some income and not using up any savings, and alongside that apply for the specialised roles for which he is qualified.

But what do I know? We can’t talk about it, without him feeling like I’m personally attacking him.

😥

How about PR or consultancy work? Being able to write is a key skill.

Also, sending sympathy. I left the world of media in 2009 when I was made redundant. Life went another direction and it’s good now. However, dh is expecting to be made redundant at the end of the year 😩🤦🏻‍♀️

OP here! I am very sadly & reluctantly coming back to this, because I don't know who to talk to IRL.

It's been 9 months & DH still hasn't managed to find a FT, permanent job & it is driving us to breaking point. It's actually our anniversary of meeting today (24 years!) & what should be a happy day is one of the hardest I have experienced. Life is so tough right now with little to celebrate.

He does have a PT, NMW job but really that is little help. It's 3 hours per day over split shifts & falls at school run times, so I get no help there & they are the most difficult times of the day (SEN DC having a medically rough time so timings need to be exact & multiple appointments & cannot be left at all, as well as other clubs & appointments for other 2 DC, all down to me). The job also means he could never take a full day, eg in London, to meet people, attend interviews/events etc.

He is applying for lots of jobs, both in & out of his field. He is not even getting interviews. Had a promising chat with an ex-client a few weeks ago who would give him work, but they don't have any.

It is making him depressed & putting an unbearable strain on our marriage. He feels rudderless & worthless. He feels worse because I am happy in my job & have friends. It is not a job that particularly uses my skills (I trained up to MA), nor pays a lot, but I have grown to love it & make it my own. He keeps trying various things to lift his mood such as going for walks, getting an allotment, going out with a society monthly or so. He doesn't really have any friends locally & misses workplace camaraderie. He was a writer of sorts but is too depressed to write.

Financially we are actually ok. Between my job, his job, Universal Credit (we get disabled child & carer elements), child benefit & me selling stuff on Vinted we get by & even manage a few extras. But I don't even know if this is healthy!

He really opened up to me last night & I didn't know what to do. I tried to tell him that I support him. I tried to give him various ideas (reaching out to some old contacts, volunteering, writing 10 sentences a day just to get into the habit & so he can think of himself as a writer & boost his mood, going to the doctor). But that all just seemed to annoy him more 😔

I am finding things really tough as DS2'S increased medical needs mainly fall on me & are taking 1-2 hours per day & are pretty distressing. I am exhausted from working. I seem to do most things around the house. I feel happiest when I'm with friends but then that makes me feel guilty because DH doesn't really have any here & I shouldn't be spending money on coffee with friends etc.

Anyway, if you have read all this, thank you & sorry it is so long 😔

has he applied to more LA jobs or civil service?

He has applied for all sorts & not even getting interviews. He is nearly 48, so suspecting age has something to do with it.

Just wanted to add my solidarity and support to you at what is a very difficult time for you both. It's completely understandable that it's putting a strain on your marriage - your husband is grieving for the type of job he had before and the status it gave him. You being supportive for so long is naturally taking its' toll on you too, and you shouldn't feel bad about recognising that fact. It's really sad that he's lashing out at you, when you're trying to give him ideas about his way forward.

He's at such a difficult age - too young to take early retirement but too old to be easily re-employed in something meaningful to him. What about spin-offs from being a writer - for example technical writing or proof reading? Obviously the scatter-gun approach isn't working so he needs to focus on just a few areas. I would have thought volunteering with a view to going into either the charity or public sector might be worth thinking about. Or thinking about working his way up in health and social care? He could start as a care worker and then probably work his way up into management? Probably from what you say he wouldn't consider that, but this is an area where we know there are definite shortages and I would have thought he could negotiate more regular hours.

Finally, I would suggest he thinks about having some counselling and/or consulting a life coach - this is bigger than just being about getting a job, he's having a crisis and needs help to explore his feelings and options. Poor you - hope he does get the help he needs - it takes someone outside the family to clarify the way forward - you've done absolutely your best for him though.

He did actually put together a few topical short videos earlier on in his redundancy. They are on TikTok & Instagram & I would be happy to share the link if that's appropriate here? Certainly getting his stuff seen might bolster his mood if nothing else.

When much younger, he volunteered on hospital radio for a while & obviously working in TV has some crossover skills, so I wonder about him trying this again? We met a local DJ while selling something through FB & I have his contact details & he has said to keep in touch, would that be too much? I want to reach out on his behalf but I'm not sure it's a good idea 😔

There is very little film and TV work at the moment because there is no funding. Many people in the industry are struggling and the motto is "Survive till 25". There is some hope that more funding will come next year. Would he be willing to get a full time temporary job for the run up to Christmas as this is a time when many retail firms take on extra employees?

He has been looking at retail among other jobs, but just not getting any answers! He has also asked his current job for more hours but there is silence on this (although he did pick up a few cover hours last week).

Like I say, financially we are actually ok. We have had somewhat of a recent (small) windfall due to a car accident (not our fault, we weren't even in the parked car) & payout. That is going towards (historic) credit cards. It's more about getting a job to make him feel less worthless, I guess.

Survive till 25 sounds promising, like there might be hope in the future. He has done both commercial & mainstream TV, so he has a wealth of experience.

It is helping a lot to talk to people. I am very much a talker & I wish he was too.

Has he spoken to a qualified careers professional? You can access a free session with the National Careers Service but also pay to speak to someone. Visit the CDI (Career Development Institute) website to search for a qualified member that might be more local to you.

He should apply for lower paid full time roles and if he's capable, which I suspect he is, he can look to progress. Sad reality is that lots of people don't get to work in their dream field, is he unconsciously sabotaging his chances by being bitter it's not his desired field?

If he's working part time though why can't he pick up more of the household stuff and child related stuff to at least give you a breather?

He does lots of DIY around the house, budget allowing. For example he fixed our car following the accident, which saved us thousands. And he does things like cooking & the dishwasher, but he's working during the most pressurised hours (morning & afternoon school run, I need to pick up from 2 schools, get to clubs & appointments & is the time DS is most likely to have seizures). He is also solely in charge every other Saturday as I work then & does pretty much all weekend clubs.

I will talk to him about speaking to a careers adviser. He attends the Job Centre for Universal Credit appointments so not sure if this is something he accesses there.

How will the 15 hours a week job affect his benefits? If it won't bring in any more money it's not worth doing. If it will bring in more money then it's totally worth doing.

Sometimes we just need to accept that we can't do what we want. We just have to get on with bringing home the bacon doing something else. That's life.

Industries will recover in due course. But for now we all just need to do what we can to survive. I'm lucky. I still have a job. For how long I don't know.

What we can't do is nothing. Worst case scenario he could set up some kind of dog walking business. £15 minimum per dog per hour where I am. More if you charge a fixed daily rate to let them stay in your house as doggy daycare all day with a couple of walks. Obv you'd need insurance etc. Just saying there are opportunities if you look.

I'm so sorry you and your family are struggling atm.
I don't know if this helps but I have been made redundant twice in the past 7 years. I work in HR (even HR get made redundant!) and I'm pretty senior in terms of my skills and experience. However I'm now 60 and struggle to get interviews.
This is what works for me; I have two recruitment agencies that I work with, they know me and what I am capable of so when they get a call saying 'help, we need someone' I get a call. The work could be a couple of weeks or months and often it's below my pay grade so to speak. I go in there - sort out whatever needs doing and leave having made connections and sometimes friends. Twice it has led to permanent offers, one I accepted (then made redundant after 4 years) and 1 was turned down.

Don't focus on a permanent job, focus on being flexible and marketable and treat every opportunity as a chance for him to demonstrate how good he is!

Good look OP, it will get better ❤️‍🩹

He does now do this & has for some time. Just can't seem to get any further. We are coping financially, it is now his MH that I am concerned about 😔

When CS sift applications the DOB is not visible so I don’t think it’s his age - only speaking for CS recruitment but I suppose LA would be the same?

I feel for you OP, my husband was made redundant in April (same age) and it's really hard. For his MH I think he should take the job even though the wage is low as it will get him out doing things and speaking to people rather than stuck at home. And don't give up searching for the right job. Set up searches yourself on the job websites and send him the links to the ones that look right. It will take awhile but try not to loose hope.

I'm sorry to hear you are in the same boat. He did take the job & is still doing it but he still feels lost & helpless.

Thank you for this, it is very encouraging, well done on your progress.

I think DH was like this, but as time has gone on, he is so worn down he has stopped trying 😔

@changedmyname24 I am sorry he sounds like he is in a vicious cycle which may come across in job applications/interviews.

I am going to echo a pp that the public sector will not care about his age. An articulate man should be able to get a job in the public sector and then use that as a springboard to move upwards. This is where he should focus his energy making sure he tailors his CV, examples etc. for the job.

When did he last apply for a job, before the one he was made redundant from? Had he been doing the same thing for years?

I've been doing a lot of recruitment recently and what really stands out is the number of people who don't do a good application or who perform poorly at interview. Some of them it's either youthful inexperience or they don't seem to understand the process (or have read the instructions!). Nearly 85% of the applications for a recent job were poor quality and wouldn't have been considered for interview. I imagine some of those applicants will be saying they've applied for hundreds of jobs and not got an interview! Has someone else reviewed his applications, made sure they're focussed on what the employer is looking for? Same if he does get an interview. How much recent interview experience does he have? Does he understand what employers want? Does he use the STAR technique? Had he asked for feedback from unsuccessful interviews?

We recruit "blind" which is increasingly common now so I have no idea who writes an application, age, male/female, ethnicity - not a clue! I don't have the time to be guessing how old an applicant might be, it's solely on the quality of what they've written in the application.

Good luck!

Good luck!

Has he thought about retraining? Lots of people go into nursing/teaching etc at his age and retraining would be covered by Student Finance, even if he already has a degree. As he has a disabled child and it sounds like you’re on a lowish income he would keep his UC plus get access to loans/grants on top. He potentially has another 20 years of work ahead of him so he needs to decide exactly what he wants to do.

Jobcentre work coaches are quite different to careers advisers because they are mainly there to facilitate the benefits process but they might have a careers adviser that they could refer him to.