To take the job or not?

[QuestionAboutJob]

Current job:
Work 45/50ish hrs a week, often 6 days
Friends with boss who knows me SO well (almost better than myself!)
1/2 hr commute
Brilliant benefits and bonus
But.. team is a challenge, minimal staff, and I would be leaving my friend/boss massively in the shit as we are already 2 down with one planned to go later in the year -we are trying to recruit but even the ones we have are inexperienced so more newbies would make it even harder.
No chance of promotion but boss likely to move soon anyway and I have no idea who I would get!

Job offer:
Promotion! but pay about the same, bonus structure also ok.
In town I live in
Better work life balance in terms of hours
No safety net of people I know!
Unsure of benefits but likely not as good
Would widen experience which is a bonus

Dh thinks I should take it. I am unsure.

Thoughts?

What I'm reading is promotion so more stress but same / less money when you take into account the bonus. How much more stress would you expect in the new role compared to previous?

It's not sounding like a financially motivated decision and so I wonder what your driver was for seeking a new role?

Is it the work / life balance thats your DHs driving force to encourage the move?

I think so. I currently leave at half seven and don't get back until then too. Not having to work 6 days would be nice as well.
But other job would increase my anxiety maybe?
I have worked on it massively over the past year and am so much better - would the new job make it worse again?? But then, my ADHD and autism is understood by current boss, but also pigeon holes me somewhat and my reviews include things like "can get frustrated when plans change unexpectedly" which, well, is a thing I can't really help, so. But I much better than I used to be, but I am not sure it is seen yet, iyswim. And if my boss leaves then I might get someone who is massively worse (looking at the pool of people currently available) which would impact me anyway.
I don't know.

You lost me at the working hours and commute. I couldn't cope with that at all.

How long have you been at your current job? And do you get paid overtime for all the extra work you're doing? If so, would losing that overtime make a difference to the pay/benefits equation?

But other job would increase my anxiety maybe?

In the short term, probably. In the long term?

Have you looked at anything like the Access to Work Mental Health Support Service? It's free vocational support for up to 9 months which can be working one-to-one with you but can also include meeting/communicating with your employer about reasonable adjustments (with your consent).

Could be something to have in place alongside you while making the job transition perhaps?

https://www.gov.uk/access-to-work

The hours and commute are fairly standard tbh. Obviously a bit more at the moment due to the structure of the team, but the hours don't really bother me as I like my job. I used to commute an hour so half of that is fine. Great way to listen to my podcasts! I would miss those actually! New job starts to get you in trouble if you regularly work over 48 apparently!

No overtime, it's salaried. Again, standard at my level in this industry.

Thinking about it, my biggest fear is losing my friend. Because it really would be a shit position to put her in. And she is one of my only friends, and she gets me, iyswim. We often joke if she moves sites, so will I. (At current levels. Again, a normal thing to do in our industry) And being the positions we are, I KNOW it would be shit for her. Not cos of me necessarily, just the staffing situation. I am aware no one is irreplaceable!

I am officially undiagnosed for the autism and ADHD, but we know I am, as does everyone in my family and life (some of whom are dx)

Anxiety is dx by gp, as is the OCD in counseling sessions provided by the private health care session I had through work.

I have explored getting the official dx btw but waiting lists are horrendous and they expect input from parents - who I am not willing to involve for various reasons. I am in my 40s for goodness sake! My sister is in the same situation. Professionals have also suggested I am in conversation regarding my dc.

Sorry I know that was a total info dump!

Can anyone else offer any insights ?

You don't need a formal diagnosis to use the Access to Work MHSS. Able Futures doesn't have a waiting list at the moment.

Thanks, I might look into that then

Anyone have any thoughts on my friend/boss and knowing I will leave them in a shitty staffing situation?

Ultimately this is a business decision. As an employee you are selling your skills and labour. You have now been offered a better deal, so you are entirely free to choose to taken up that better offer. Just like if your employer had to downsize then they'd lay off staff as needed and chalk it up as a necessary business decision.

As for your friend then yes it's going to put her in a tricky staffing position but, honestly, having to deal with those kinds of issues is why she's paid more than you. If it leaves her completely stuck then that's something that she could, and should, raise with her boss. Maybe if they paid their staff more and/or did something so that working hours of overtime every week wasn't a necessity then they might find they stop having such problems with staff retention and recruiting.

If she's as good a friend to you as you think she is then she'll be able to understand why you're making the decision you're making and be happy for you. If she tries to guilt-trip you into staying then maybe she's not that good a friend.