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Office gossip

5 replies

mrlistersgelfbride · 09/05/2024 11:49

I'm in a relatively new job (8 months). It seems new to me as I was at my previous place over a decade!

I liked it here at first.
However things seem to have taken a turn.
The office I sit in is one where everyone comes for a bitch, gossiping about colleagues, with the other people in there who have worked there years. I admit I have laughed along previously as I was trying to make friends. I realised this was wrong.

My office mate (although I saw her as a friend and we've been out socially) recently told me that the women in my team told her they feel like I'm breathing down their neck and being controlling.
I'm going to address this. It was my job to train these women, and obviously wanting to make a good impression I threw myself into it. Without being around to help them (as I see it) a lot of the time I'd have little to do.
I've noticed now the women in my team are trying to avoid me, ie. Coming in early when I'm on the school run, getting in late when it's just me with one of them. Not speaking to me as much when we are working together.
The last few days I've dreaded coming in to work.

What should I do?
I think I my manager is happy with how things are going, she WFH a lot. The projects I am helping with are running as they should.
I just feel I'm not well liked. I don't want to make it worse.
I'm not feeling too comfortable in the office.
I don't want to ask to be moved as I think it'll cause more colleague problems. There's a quiet office I can go to work sometimes and I'm thinking of going there more often.
I've toyed with looking for another job but the pay is ok and job is close to home plus I feel I should give it more time.
My last one was an hour long commute each way.
Any advice gratefully received!

OP posts:
Springadorable · 09/05/2024 13:50

Were the rest of the team in place before you arrived to train them, or did you all start in that department at the same time? I think if they were already established they were always going to resent someone coming in and telling them what to do.
Are you their manager? I'm not sure of the dynamic so maybe they aren't either, which is making things uncomfortable for everyone.

flipent · 09/05/2024 13:59

I took over a team a few years ago and was told by HR after 6 months that the team leader felt I was micromanaging. I stepped back, taking the comments on board and was accused shortly after of showing no interest in the team!

Realised I wasn't going to win, it wasn't about me in particular but the team leader didn't like the change.
They left (of their own accord) and I had a great relationship with the rest of the team.

Partly in management, you have to have a thick skin. Not everyone will like you.

If you are achieving the targets you've been set then keep going.

Sometimes people like to bitch, it makes them feel better - and breathing down their necks is one of the tamer things I've heard!

mrlistersgelfbride · 09/05/2024 19:09

@Springadorable Thank you. We all started at the same time. It was the same week in fact.
I don't want to say my job here as it's an unusual one but I'm like a day to day supervisor.

OP posts:
mrlistersgelfbride · 09/05/2024 19:10

@flipent Thank you for the helpful advice! This is something I can definitely see happening to me!
I've taken a step back as of today but I'm conscious of them saying I've lost interest. It's a tough one!
I'm trying to stay away from the bitchiness a bit too.

OP posts:
Allwelcone · 09/05/2024 21:32

Just focus on doing your job the best you can, be pure as driven snow, and smile. Don't listen to the gossip that's irrelevant. Be you, you are enough (and look after yourself) xx

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