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Really struggling under new managememt - anxiety etc.

8 replies

MerLOWnomore · 08/05/2024 20:16

I've been at my company several years, though in a juniorish position. It's known for lack of progression and you can usually only get any substancial pay increase if someone leaves.

I've had the same manager for the majority of the time I've been there, and we've mostly got on well. I did have some pretty severe mental health issues over a year ago that resulted in me having some time off work. I've been back totally fine for the last 10 months since this happened.

But then I got a new manager in Feb and things have been on a downhill trajectory since then. She's nice I would say but definitely from a more corporate background. She expects things done instantly and treats everything like its an emergency. She sends lots of emails looks quite a lot of catch-ups and seems quite critical (though is niceish about her criticisms). But I notice that she seems to have her own vision for everything and wants to review everything. My previous manager would only review quite high-levels things and it was usually a comment along the lines of 'made a few suggestions, otherwise all good.' I made something recently and there was a comment on every slide, some of them I could understand, others so trivial that they seemed to be a matter of taste such as preferring to use a different image, thinking a font should be bigger even when it' s perfectly readable.

Now to caveat I do ADHD and dyspraxia, I do understand some of this probably is me. I've always had to proof-read things multiple times, listen to things outloud to stop mistakes. I am really creative and good at big picture thinking, but sometimes do struggle with details. I try and put in measures to improve this, but the reality is I probably am going to be a bit slower than your average person, though my hyperfocus sometimes serves me very well.

I've got back to a point where I'm working way more than my hours, for a salary that's a bit below average. I often log on and I'm the only one one on at 7/8/9pm. I've been told off for being online at 7 or whatever by seniors before, but I feel like I don't have much choice.

A lot of the job I'm doing now is slightly different to what I was doing before, so I feel like I'm on a learning curve, but I've also been given other stuff to do in addition to the new responsibilities. She tells me to block my diary with every working second of the day, but the issue with this is things always come up/you can't always accurately guess how long everything will take. I feel like I'm actually trying harder than ever, but under this new manager it seems like she's never going to be that impressed.

My previous manager was quite the opposite generally and I had quite a lot of freedom to make my own choices and have control over my workload, though I sometimes didn't get too much guidance.

My main worry is that while my MH is generally way better, I'm starting to have panic attacks and feel sick during work. I've stopped cooking healthy food and living on energy drinks and readymade sandwiches, as there doesn't even seem to be time to make a quick healthy lunch. I worry everyday I'm going to get put on a PIP because I don't live up to her standards. She's an interim covering someome else's role, so I don't know if she has this power or not.

So I suppose the questions I'd ask area a) how do I aporoach this - I've already aporoached the heightened workload with her and it was kind of just put back on me and b) if you happen to have a neurodivergent condition, are there any other considerations I could ask for that could help with the above? I currently have some equipment but that's it.

Feeling really low and worried 😭

OP posts:
Allwelcone · 08/05/2024 22:09

Obviously you could bring to her attention yr ADHD and ask her to work with you to structure a more effective approach to highlight your skills, the teams results and take your MH into account under reasonable adjustments. You are protected by legislation as its a protective characteristic but I'm sure you know that.

Would HR be able to help? Sorry I don't know what this might entail but my ex manager was nd and he got given a lot less of the type of work he found difficult lots of support and training when he struggled.

Allwelcone · 08/05/2024 22:13

Meant to say sorry to hear you're going through this, please look after yourself, do what you can outside work, hobbies, baths, spa treatments, meeting friends etc whatever you love, hope you find some better advice on this, don't give up, ypur manager should be supporting you more imo.

Runnerinthenight · 08/05/2024 22:32

You are entitled by law to have reasonable adjustments to support you in dealing with work with your ADHD/dyspraxia. I'd approach HR, or Health and Wellbeing, if you have one.

It sounds like she is a micromanager, and they're very hard to tolerate - I've had them before, once quite recently. The having to put everything in your calendar is one example. I just put in any old shit because I knew it was pointless arguing. Just make it up if it gets her off your back. That's also part of the control over your workload too. She is basically a shit manager, and it's hard to do anything about them. I tried, to no avail. I've just been fortunate that, following a spell of sick leave last year when I just couldn't take it any more, I have a new manager who's brilliant. I live in dread of her moving on and she will, because she knows what she's doing and knows how toxic the team is.

Having a crap manager can make your life a misery, and it pervades everything else in your life too. Have you considered applying for other jobs? The organisation you are with doesn't sound that progressive, and maybe you would be happier somewhere else? I would in a heartbeat if I was 20 years younger.

Carve out time for yourself, and to make the healthy lunches etc. They don't own you body and soul. Sending every good wish because I know so well how you must be feeling xx

dancingqueen345 · 09/05/2024 07:22

I have a boss like this. My approach is every time a piece of work comes back with a ton of comments/extra work, I will just say happy to pick up these changes but I won't be able to finish this and also do X by the end of the day, which is the priority? And put it back on them, whilst also reminding them the working day has a defined end!

I would also say, this says more about the boss than you. They're probably trying to make their mark in a new position but they definitely need management training as nobody would thrive under the circumstances you've described, ND or not!

Good luck x

PixiePirate · 09/05/2024 07:29

Urrgghhh. She sounds just like my manager (who also owns the business). I’m currently working my notice.

MerLOWnomore · 17/05/2024 19:30

Thanks for the responses everyone. Unfortunately, things haven't got better really. I had a chat with her about how I was feeling, and while she was decent about it, she also told me she thinks my workload is light. It might be in her view, but she also seems to have the expectation that things are done instantly, even creative stuff that I think tends to be more time consuming. She's from a very corporate background, and wants everything done the corporate way. I've found out she's rubbed up a few people in the organisation the wrong way already, but think my team largely like her due to her being super efficient.

I went in the office and was very overwhelmed and stressed due to the noise, and having some things needed doing unexpectedly.

She said she noticed I was overwhelmed and would like me to come in the office one more time per month. It'd been agreed by our director that we have team meetings once a month, which everyone should try and attend except for if they have annual leave. As a result I and several other team members have moved away from the job. A few people that live close by go in more regularly, but it's a choice, not mandated. I'm in the tricky position in that I don't have a WFH contract, but no one is expected to go in that has moved out of the city other than once a month. I literally cannot afford it. I've worked from home four years with no issues and the office envioronment is awful for me with the noise and overstimulation. I was overwhelmed in the office the other day exclusively because we were in the office, the noise was unbearable. At home I easily get double the amount of things done.

She said she wants to do this so we can work next to each other.

I'm at a loss as what to do. Obviously I can leave but that might take some time. It's also hard to find time to apply for other jobs when I'm doing loads of overtime to satisfy her.

She's also covering someone else's job but acts like she owns the place. Not sure how much power she has on a contract.

OP posts:
Startingagainandagain · 17/05/2024 19:48

I would say that you need to start looking for a new role.

There seem to be quite a few issues in your current one:

  • no progression or pay rise in spite of the fact that you have been with this company for a while
  • you are stressed by your work environment
  • your manager's working style is not compatible with yours
  • if you need to work overtime regularly then your workload is unreasonable
  • changes to WFH arrangements.

So frankly this job seems to have only negative aspects right now.

I would stop doing any overtime and stick to your work hours.

I would also make sure that HR is aware of your mental health issues and put in a formal requests for home working as a reasonable adjustment.

But really, you need to find a role that won' t affect your mental health so much.

Her level of micromanagement is not healthy...

Sloelydoesit · 18/05/2024 13:22

I have the same kind of boss and despite being a generally tough person I can't take it anymore.
I'm currently negotiating a leave date and despite my confidence being shot as a result of her behaviour and having to find a new job whilst feeling like this, I cannot wait to get out of there!

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